#60 Wild at Heart

#60 Wild at Heart

Year: 1990

Director: David Lynch
MPAA Rating: NC-17

Epic Co-stars: Laura Dern, Willem Dafoe, Crispin Glover

Running Time: 125 mins
Cage Time: 95%
Cage Kills: 2
Cage Flip-outs: 2

James' Review: Have you ever thought to yourself 'I love Natural Born Killers, but I wish it had a bit less social commentary on the US media, slightly more ridiculous characters, a hell of a lot more Cage, and was just a bit more weird'?  If you have, consider yourself in luck.  And if you haven't then you probably haven't seen Natural Born Killers (you should see it, it's great).  Overall, Wild at Heart is pretty tame by Lynch's standards; the story is generally coherent, the characters are recognizable throughout the film, and at no point do we see a giant skinless deer.  Despite it's relative tame demeanor, it still provides plenty of excellent (non-tame) Cage along with Lynch style subject matter that many "Cage Fans" (I'm not sure if you should be offended by this or not, so go ahead and get offended but if you're the type who gets offended a lot  then you probably shouldn't be reading this in the first place) will be able to get behind.

It's a good thing Nic Cage wasn't around in the 50's because James Dean wouldn't have stood a chance. 

Sailor Ripley (Cage) and Lula Fortune (Laura Dern) are star-crossed lovers with the entire wide world ahead of them.  Unfortunately, part of this wide world turns out to be a total creeper with a knife who needs to be set straight (beaten to death) by Cage which ends up landing him 2 years in the slammer.  Upon his exit, his always faithful sweetheart is right there to pick him up and give him a snakeskin jacket along with two years of pleasure all at once.  Unfortunately (again, they tend to wind up on the unfortunate side of things quite often) Lula's mother,  Marietta Fortune, also wants a piece of the Cage and decides that if she can't have him nobody can.   Before we know it Cage (who has just kicked the shit out of yet another guy) and Fortune hit the road to get out of town while being tracked by a PI and the mob, both of who have been hired by the wonderfully vindictive Marietta Fortune to eliminate Sailor Ripley.

"Big Tuna" or bust.

As young lovers often do, they soon find themselves short on cash. They head to the town of Big Tuna, Texas where Cage can reunite with some of his rather un-savory 'ol buddies to try and scrape up a little extra cash.  Enter one of the best supporting actor roles we've seen in a Cage movie thus far:  Willem Dafoe (playing Bobby Peru, one of the creepiest mob bosses you've ever seen).  But wait, is the wonderful and charming (as Lula finds out in a rather spectacular way) Bobby Peru really on their side?  Or does he have his own motives in mind?...

Cage makes love in public with his clothes on...

Throughout the film we are constantly presented with a rather (intentionally) blatant juxtaposition of Sailor Ripley as a classic gentlemanly heartthrob, and a savage animal who can't be controlled by himself or anyone else.  In addition, many of the characters are  eccentric to the point of being charming, even when they are anything but (i.e.  Bobby Peru (Warning this scene is a wonderfully creepy and violent HUGE spoiler so only watch if you won't ever watch this movie, or you don't care about spoilers, but just want to some excellent Cage on Dafoe action)).  Even the locations seem to have an eccentric quality that helps Lynch create a world that is fun to watch even if it is beyond the realm of anything believable.  

... and in private with his clothes off.

The previously mentioned eccentric juxtapositions may have been devised by Lynch, but it was fully executed (flawlessly) by Cage.  In Wild at Heart, Cage not only shows his range as an actor, but shows his ability to put this range into a single cohesive character.  He wears a snakeskin jacket, has perfect hair, tons of sex, drives a convertible, kicks ass, takes names, kicks more ass, protects his woman, kicks the shit out of people, and sings songs by Elvis.  What more could anyone ever really ask for?

I think this is from the film but I can't be sure.  Regardless, this picture is too good not to post. 

Movie quotability:

• "Rockin' good news" (slaps ass)
• "This is a snakeskin jacket! And for me it's a symbol of my individuality, and my belief... in personal freedom."
• "I guess I started smoking when I was about....  4.  My mom had already died from lung cancer."
• "I swear baby, you've got the sweetest cock."
• "Man I had a boner with a capital O."

Plot Holes:

• This is a David Lynch movie, so the whole thing is a plot hole.
• They never stop for gas.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Acceptable	Dreadful
Shauna
James	3.61/5	3.85/5
Martine	!Half watched the CAGE!

#58 Birdy

#58 Birdy

Year: 1984

Director: Alan Parker

MPAA Rating: R

Epic Co-stars: Matthew Modine

Running Time: 120 mins
Cage Time: 85%
Cage Kills: 0 
Cage Flip-outs: 5

James' Stream of Conscience:
Al Columbato (NIc Cage) just got out of a military hospital and has bandages all over his face.  While on the train he drifts off while muttering something about "Birdy" and what he put him through when they were kids.  Cage was a popular kid who befriends "Birdy", a outcast who captures and trains pigeons.  Together they build a pigeon coup and use special home-made bird costumes to capture birds from a mill at night. Birdy takes a huge fall and doesn't seem to care.  He's just happy that he got to fly.

In present day, Cage arrives in a military mental hospital.  Birdy is locked up in a cell and doesn't communicate with anyone.  He is crouched in the corner and appears to have severe mental damage.  Cage is there to help the doctors figure out what the hell is wrong with Birdy.  Queue dramatic Cage-Birdy 1 on 1 in a prison cell. 

Nic Cage is virtually the only person on earth that can make love to another man in a bird costume and still look totally awesome doing it.

1st attempt:  Cage tries to talk about old times and remember the good ones.  No dice, Birdy won't say a word to him and doesn't even really look at him.
2nd attempt:  Cage is frustrated, even slightly angry with Birdy.  Still nothing.
3rd attempt:  Cage gets real.  He talks life and philosophy but Birdy remains in the same twisted squatting pose that he's always been in.
4th attempt:  Cage feeds Birdy.  Birdy eats.  Birdy makes eye contact.
5th attempt:  Cage Jokes...  BIRDY SMILES!
6th attempt:  Sponge bath with the nurse.  Cage makes a good move by just observing
7th attempt:  Pure Cage rage all directed towards Birdy.  Birdy cries.  Cage leaves.  Cage cries.  
8th attempt:  Baseballs...

A face that only a mother could love.  ...and a father.   ...and every other person on the face of the earth.

Back in the day, more memories flow by.  They steal a car and drive to the beach.  Cage nails a chick while Birdy creeps out her friend and drives them away.  Cage looks pissed; blue balls for sure.  Birdy can't stop thinking about birds, not chicks, birds.  He stays up all night playing with birds, creates amazing Di Vinci style flying machines, gives school reports on feathers, and even homemade human sized wings that may just allow him to finally bridge the human-avian divide.  

Bottom line:  This movie isn't bad.  If you want to see something a bit out of the ordinary with plenty of young Charming Cage, Birdy is the film for you.  And even if you find that it isn't the film for you stick around for the ending.  The final 2 minutes are probably the best 2 minutes in the entire film.  

Movie quotability:

• (whispers) "Sure you feel like it."
• "I want to go back and change, I look stupid."  "Not to a bird Al."
• "You're wrong! They're dead: plucked and fucked!"
• "Whoa, his foot looks like a weird giant dong." - James
• "Mammary glands?  MAMMARY GLANDS?!?  No, we're talking tits here! Big tits...  Round tits...  Fleshy tits...  Full tits..."
• "This fucking fucker's fucked" (Cage's Dad when trying to start the car, but used again by Cage 9 years later in Deadfall)
• "This guy's really into birds." - Skyler

Plot Holes:

• Anytime anything exciting happens La Bamba plays.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	3.81/5	3.22/5
Martine	!Huffed her blankey while being fixated on the Cage!

#48 Leaving Las Vegas

#48 Leaving Las Vegas

Year: 1995

Director: Mike Figgis

MPAA Rating:

Epic Co-stars: Elisabeth Shue, Julian Sands, Richard Lewis, French Stewart, Roseanne's Sister, Detective Benson

Running Time: 111 mins
Cage Time: 85%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 1

James/Skyler's Review: 

Ben Sanderson (Nicolas Cage) sums up his situation pretty well when he says (to a prostitute who is robbing him) "Did my wife leave me because I started drinking or did I start drinking because my wife left me".  He's a severe alcoholic who has just lost his wife, his job, and any control over his life. So he decides to do what any sensible person in this situation would do; move back to Las Vegas and drink himself to death. 

"Kid in a candy store" dance. He got an Oscar for this.

Shortly after getting to town he meets Sera (Elisabeth Shue), a self proclaimed excellent prostitute who's recently found herself pimp-less with nothing to do.  Things progress.  They move in together.  Ben drinks.  Sera follows.  Things will merrily go on like this forever as long as one thing never happens; That Sera never asks Ben to quit drinking.  I wonder what'll happen...

If you are going to let your life go down the tubes, you might as well have pretty lady by your side.

This movie is made up of incredibly heavy subject matter and at times is hard to watch for even the most tasteless and crass viewers.  The hero and heroine manage to find some of the darkest corners of human existence and often bring you there with them.

This is some deep stuff. Alcoholism is usually depicted in a glamorous or funny way in Hollywood. The reality of it, is that it is hard to watch, and Dr. Cage makes it so. You can see why he got an Oscar for his work here. By the way, Nicolas Cage beat out Sean Penn that year for Best Actor. Take that, Sean Penn. You suck.

Ben behaves as if he wants to get busted to same him from his fate.

Overall, this is definitely one worth watching. Cage's performance is brilliant. He makes an alcoholic seem charming, and at the identical moment, pathetic. His co-actress makes prostitution seem like a legitimate career, if it weren't for some of the clientele, which makes it a hard, sad life. As this film is pure art, and serious art at that, I will finish this review with a poem:

Leaving Las Vegas

by A Year in the Cage

The oldest vice meets the oldest profession,

Racing toward death, the oldest depression.

Are these choices for life viable?

In society are these roles justifiable?

They are for a spell, but they end all in hell.

Movie quotability:

• "Maybe I shouldn't breathe so much Terri. HIHI! "
• "Did my wife leave me because I started drinking or did I start drinking because my wife left me"
• "Somebody fix the phones around here."
• "I'm wondering if you'll take two-hundred dollars to uuummm...  Fuck Me."
• "Yeah, she definitely has daddy issues"  - Skyler
• "Oh yes, I guess sooner or later we better fuck."
• "Giving you money makes me want to come."
• "Is drinking a way of killing yourself?"  "Or is killing myself a way of drinking?"
• "I'm like a prickly pear.  A prickly pear."

Plot Holes:

• A hooker who gets cut on the butt for punishment has no scars on her butt.
• Self proclaimed amazing hooker falls in love with a drunk guy after spending about 10 minutes talking to him.
• Hooker has a nice conservative dress to wear in the event that her pimp is murdered.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.39/5	4.12/5
Martine	!Ironed in the CAGE!

#24 Seeking Justice

#24 Seeking Justice

Year: 2011

Director: Roger Donaldson

MPAA Rating:

Epic Co-stars: January Jones, Guy Pearce

Running Time: 105 mins
Cage Time: ~ 97%
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 2

Skyler's Review: 
A man is going to the bathroom and someone kicks a cell phone under the door into his stall. The phone starts ringing. The man on the other end, in a raspy Batman-type voice says, "Leave the bathroom and go to the vending machine. Buy a Slim Jim. Then go onto the street and head toward the subway." This all seems very odd, but the man decides to comply. He presses B-4 to get the Slim Jim and heads upstairs and starts to head down to the subway. All the while, the phone pressed into his ear. "Stop halfway down the stairs," the raspy voice continues, "there is a flyer, someone looking for a musician. Take it, take the flyer. Then get on the Number 3 train." He does. "Get off at the next stop. Go back to street level. You will see a convenience store. Go down the alley." As the man walks into the alley, someone sitting on a stool stops him. "Hold on, where do you think you are go..." the person stops mid-sentence when he sees the flyer, "Ok, go on, the band entrance is on the right." He goes down the alley and the raspy voice comes back, "Don't take the band entrance. Go to the end of the alley and enter the last door on the left." His ears feel hot. Will the person on the stool notice he is not going in the band entrance? He makes it to the end of the alley and puts is hand on the doorknob. He pauses, before quickly opening the door and entering. Suddenly, a dog starts barking. "Give the dog the Slim Jim. Then follow the hallway to the stairs." He tosses the Slim Jim and the barking immediately subsides.

Do you see what I did there? I made the protagonist do some seemingly meaningless stuff, but in the end everything had a purpose in advancing the plot. This movie is much like the above, but the plot stops when you hit the italics.

The title: 'Seeking Justice' is a red herring. No justice is sought. Unless Justice is the brand name of cigarettes or candy or something.

A guy on a phone makes Nic Cage: 

• Go to a vending machine and buy 2 candy bars
• Mail a letter to Santa
• Go to a convenience store and buy some gum

None of these serve any purpose, other than filling screen time.

In the end Nic Cage gets the guy back by doing the same thing on a phone and orders him to

• Watch a monster truck rally
• Go to the bathroom (He literally says "Go to the urinal. Take a leak.")
• Buy a hot dog

In keeping with the theme, there was absolutely no reason for the man to do these things.

Cage phoning the writers. The script makes it seem like "sending the letter" is meaningless and has no impact on the plot. They assured him it would all make sense after editing. (it doesn't) It's all a big practical joke they were pulling,
a 17-million dollar joke.

The plot is supposed to be about an all-powerful, underground organization that punishes criminals by murdering them. The organization perpetuates itself as a pyramid scheme. They get a victim to agree to do a favor later if the organization murders the criminal now. The favor to do later is, obviously, to commit one of these "justice murders." The problem with this system, is how do you really know that your target is a criminal? (This is why we have courts and stuff) 

Nic seems to be as confused by the "plot" as we were.

The overall plot sounds really cool. The execution is terrible. They add so many red herrings to the plot that it trivialized every single action that the characters were taking. Moreover, at no point was I ever interested in finding out what was "really going on." It was pretty obvious, if you've ever seen a movie before. Don't get me wrong, Nic Cage acted the hell out of "mail a letter" and the impeccable "buy some gum" bit. It just would have been nice to see him chewing the gum or offering it to someone. It wasn't even brand name gum! At least get a sponsor! Maybe they tried and Wrigley said "No, we only sponsor movies that people will watch."

Movie quotability: 

• "Who dat?!"
• "No.  Murder, first degree."
• "Take a leak"
• "The hungry rabbit jumps"

Plot Holes:

• DNA tests do not take 6 months to complete
• Nic Cage and others needs to purchase snacks as part of every shady deal.
• Amway has a secret hitman branch in their business model.
• Nic Cage is married to a woman WAY out of his league.
• Adult english teacher has children's magnets on his refrigerator.
• Three city buses come to one stop within 2 minutes.
• "Forever Bars"
• Murderer stumbles upon his victim's wake.
• Cage taps a cop car throwing it under a tractor trailer (which should have decapitated the cop) and cop climbs out of car unharmed.
• Escalade is equipped with all knowing super computer.
• Cage forgets about his wife and doesn't contact her for hours even though ruthless criminals are out to get him.
• An abandoned mall is a thing.
• All bald people are bad.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	poor	dreadful
Shauna
James	2.42/5	1.98/5
Martine	!Tapped out of the cage!

#17 The Wicker Man

#17 The Wicker Man

Year: 2006

Director: Neil LaBute

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: 

Running Time: 102 mins.
Cage Time: 98%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

Skyler's Review: To be completely honest, I was not really looking forward to watching The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage. I mean, I was and I wasn't. Like any other person that claims to know anything at all about Nic Cage, I've seen the highlights reel to the Wicker Man. If this is your first time investigating Cage's work here is the video: (FYI, spoilers!)

So I knew that there would be at least 2:08 of over-the-top-dramatic thriller in store for me, but from what I had read in the YouTube comments I was worried about the other 1:43:52. Everyone was saying that the first 90 minutes drags on; and makes the last bit of the movie not even worth it. I wholeheartedly disagree. Maybe I'm in the 27% of people on rottentomatoes.com that actually liked it, but 75% of our group really liked it. 100% of us were engaged the entire movie.

Not the bees!

So here is the plot: an over-righteous, arrogant, Jimmy Stewarty police detective (Cage) ends up investigating the kidnapping, or possible murder, of a little girl in a isolated island community. There seems to be only women on this island, so having this masculine man in a suit on the island snooping around like he owns the place makes you feel awkward; Cage's character can't seem to read their culture and behave appropriately. (It is this "I'm a man, I do/say what I want" kind of attitude that kept us entertained during the film) As the detective is investigating, and interfering with all of the island's daily affairs, it becomes apparent that there may be some kind of cover-up going on and that the child was sacrificed in some sort of ancient druid ritual. Every time he uncovers another clue, the community becomes even less forthcoming, and they try to scare him into leaving them alone; this all leads to an exciting conclusion.

"What's in the bag, a shark or something?"

Overall, we felt that this movie has been highly underrated. If you like Nicolas Cage, you will like this film. We have been quoting to each other nonstop since viewing. You must go into the movie knowing that it is intentionally overly dramatic and over-the-top to the point of comedy. But then again, that is the mindset you evoke when entering any Nicolas Cage masterpiece. Nicolas Cage, well done sir, bravo!

Movie quotability:

• "What's in the bag, a shark or something?"
• "I'm a policeman, see my badge?"
• "You little liars." (to a room full of children)
• "Perhaps it is time for you to stop bullshitting me, okay?"
• "How'd it get burned!?  How'd it get burned?  How'd it get burned!? How'd it get burned!?"
• "You have my permission to stay out of my fucking way!"
• "Killing me won't bring back your god-damned honey!!"
• "What is it?  What is it?  Ohhhh Nooo, not the bees!!"

Plot Holes:

• Man refuses to fly Malus to the secret island based on principle but gives in for a measly 100 bucks.
• Malus thinks someone may be trapped in the canvas bag that is dripping blood. They tell him to look in the bag and he flinches; decides to not look.
• Supposedly Malus is a great detective but he doesn't connect the many, many hints that the kid is his.
• Flashlight works perfectly underwater.
• Mr. Malus desperately tries to wake up an obviously decomposing body.
• Strange ritual conveniently has one full body bear costume that allows Nic Cage to infiltrate.
• With two broken femers, Nic Cage still respons coherently to each new bizarre event.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.95/5	4.99/5
Martine	!Pissed that she stayed in the Cage!

#9 Trespass

#9 Trespass

Year: 2011

Director: Joel Shumacher

MPAA Rating: R 

Epic Co-stars: Nicole Kidman

Running Time: 91 mins.
Cage Time: 85%
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 3

Shauna's Review: Home invasion thrillers are, as a genre, some of the best and most finely-wrought suspense films. Fighting it out with a gang of baddies on your home turf is both advantageous (you know the house better than they do) and unsettling (they've invaded your privacy, and your goddamn family is there, inevitably screaming/crying/basically useless). How will you use your wits to save your family and accidentally-on-purpose probably end up killing those bad guys? 

If you're thinking of your favorite home invasion movies at this point-- Panic Room, When a Stranger Calls, Wait Until Dark, Home Alone, etc-- it's probably best to set those thoughts aside before watching Trespass, because it's not going to hold up very well in the comparison. Subtly rising tension, clever plot twists, and ingenious foils are replaced with mostly a bunch of screaming, cursing, and crying. It reminded me of the one mortifying time I did improv in a high school drama class: given a quick series of scenarios, my friend and I were too nervous to come up with anything new and embarrassingly "acted" terrified in each new scene ("Aack! We're in a hot air balloon! Oh no! We're trapped on a ledge! Help us! We're stuck in a supermarket!"). The characters in this film's similarly static reactions to each new predicament dull your interest and your emotional investment as time goes on. It's probably realistic to imagine that people in this situation would mostly cry, threaten each other without follow-through, and scream f-bombs as often as possible, but that doesn't mean it's interesting to watch. 

"This is so upsetting!"
"I know! There aren't even any interesting screen shots from this movie!"

Nic Cage plays Harrison Ford's character from Firewall, except he looks like chubby, old Tom Hanks with Mr. Feeny glasses and has none of Ford's quiet resolve. Instead (have I mentioned?) he yells a lot. And cries. It's such a shame to have Cage in a role with nothing quotable to say and very little ass-kicking. I kept hoping for a dramatic shift in this film, but it just never came. My conclusion: in this type of movie, either the criminals or the victims have to be clever, preferably both. If both of them are making inexplicably stupid choices and no one is saying anything interesting... there's not much point in watching.

"Oh, my god... when will this movie be over?"
"I know, honey, I know... soon. Soon."

Movie quotability: 0/5

• "Shit fucking animals!"

Plot Holes:

• SPOILER: Nic Cage gets shot in the inner thigh but barely groans, much less bleeds to death  from his femoral artery. Later he walks with a teeny limp. 

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Poor	Improvement Required
Shauna
James	2.3/5	2.5/5
Martine	!Stayed in the Cage!

#8 Season of the Witch

#8 Season of the Witch

Year: 2011

Director: Dominic Sena

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: Ron Perlman

Running Time: 95mins
Cage Time: ~95%
Cage Kills: 16 (allegedly 600 plus countless women, children, and wolves)
Cage Flip-outs: 1

Shauna's Review: Season of the Witch may not have been based on a video game, but it definitely could have been... or vice versa. Knights Behmen (Nic Cage) and Felson (Ron Perlman) cheerfully hack their way through a half-dozen 14th century Crusades until the fateful day the mists clear and they realize they've killed (attractive) women and children. Goddammit! After a pissy screaming match with their leader priest dude, they desert the army, principles intact. 

These principles weigh heavily upon my head, like... overly long hair and half a British accent.

A month later, they find themselves in the city of Marburg where a mysterious black plague (hmm) has taken hold. The woman deemed responsible has been labeled a bitch; I'm sorry, a witch, and needs to be taken to the monks for trial. As deserters, the soldiers face an indeterminate but ostensibly awful punishment; Cardinal Saruman offers them clemency for escorting the prisoner on this inevitably perilous journey. Nic Cage refuses (he has his principles, after all), but changes his mind when he sees how hot the witch is. Aww, she looks so innocent! Perhaps he can save her, thus redeeming himself after slaughtering all those women and children! The rest of the movie depicts their harrowing journey, as the men face evil, both physical and psychological, in their attempt to bring her to the monastery. 

In my next role, can I please play a wizard again? I'll even settle for Count Dooku.

Of course, in the first scene of the movie, we established that witches/magic/evil are totally real and definitely horrifying, so we won't spend too long wondering whether or not she's actually a witch. Plus, you know, she always has her stringy, dark hair hanging in front of her eyes and generally looks like the chick from The Grudge. Very subtle. 

I'm totally innocent... I don't know why you don't believe me.

Season of the Witch did not do very well in theaters; I remember seeing the previews and thinking it looked terrible. But it surprised me. It was both more creepy and more suspenseful than I had anticipated. The overall trajectory was predictable, but there were a number of surprising and interesting moments throughout. The film wasn't particularly strong in terms of Cage-y-ness. The dialogue is terse and largely unpretentious; the witty banter is mostly given to Perlman, and some of it is actually funny. As a result, this is Cage's straightest and most subdued performance so far... with surprisingly good result. This isn't the movie to watch if you're looking for Nouveau Shamanic mega-acting, but it is a solid adventure/suspense flick. 

Movie quotability: 1/5

• (Whacks girl on head) "Now she's sedated."
• "I've saved your ass a hundred times, have a little faith."
• "Did you see that priest's face? Looked like someone pissed in his holy water."

Plot Holes:

• The plague has something to do with demons.
• SPOILER: When waking up after having demons excised from your body, you just lie on the ground with your boobs pressed firmly against the floor. Boo! 

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Poor	Successful
Shauna
James	1.83/5	2.78/5
Martine	!Stayed in the cage!