WE DID IT!

WE DID IT!!!

It was quite the journey. We had a fun time watching the master perform his work. All 66 of them. As promised, we recieved our autographed Nicolas Cage headshots and we even had a cake made with Dr. Cage likeness upon it.

Almost all of us are thrilled to be here.

Not many have what it takes to complete this incredible challenge. We're not necessarily saying that it was easy; it's just that we were raised that if you say you are going to do something, you had better do it.

That is a beautiful looking cake. 

Now that we are at the end and the magic is over, we feel a little sad. Sad that there isn't another obscure avant garde Nicolas Cage work floating around on the internet. We've seen David Lynch, we've seen a TV pilot (with Crispin Glover), we've even seen three movies (not on the list) that Nicolas Cage allegedly appeared in: unaccredited and unseen (We'll post more about these soon).

Watching every Nicolas Cage film really works up an appetite for cake. CAGE CAKE.

Over the course of this year we have reviewed 66 excellent films and are now official Nicolas Cage experts. We have compiled a lot of data regarding the Cinematic and Cageamatic qualities of these films, and we will also post, on this blog, our findings (such as top 10, bottom 10, etc.) If we had to go back in time, we would totally do this again. Now I shudder at the prospect of watching a movie where Nicolas Cage will not appear, not even in spirit. Well done Nicolas Cage; well done us. Not so well done, this guy.

#64 Vampire's Kiss

#64 Vampire's Kiss

Year: 1988

Director: Robert Bierman

MPAA Rating: R

Epic Co-stars: Jennifer Beals

Running Time: 103 mins
Cage Time: 99.5%
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 8/infinity

Shauna's Review: 

Skyler and James have been creaming their pants to watch this movie for about 11 months (ever since they saw this video, which you may have already seen in the sidebar, to your right). Vampire's Kiss fills the first 49 seconds with some prime Cage-outs. Suffice it to say, you should obviously watch that video immediately, if you haven't, and get equally juiced up about watching this cinematic masterpiece.

Really sink your teeth into it. 

We open to an annoyingly long and misleadingly dull opening credits scene. Fortunately, the first voice you hear is Cage's dulcet timbre, complete with a wildly fake accent, 50% New England prep-schooler, 200% insane. He is lying on a leather couch, discussing his fear of commitment with his therapist in a stylish New York office. Cage describes how he brings home an endless string of women, immediately tiring of them in the morning, which means... he holds interest for about 8 hours longer than most men. He seems to think this means he needs therapy.

Cage goes to a jazz club and picks up a drunken floozy, bringing her back to his place for some fun, unfortunately interrupted by a bat loose in his apartment. Upon later returning to his apartment (sans floozy), Cage can't find the bat anywhere. The next night, Cage picks up a different woman (Jennifer Beals, aka that girl from Flashdance) who turns out to be a VAMPIRE! TERRIFYING! Cage goes to bring her coffee in bed in the morning, and she has suddenly DISAPPEARED!

Being a public figure tends to make one tense in a crowd. 

From the bite marks on his neck, Cage begins to suspect that he has become a vampire, and his behavior becomes increasingly erratic. He becomes obsessed with a document at work and harasses the shit out of some poor secretary because she is not able to find it. It becomes the focus of his therapy sessions and consumes, bizarrely, a great deal of his time and energy. It's pretty fucking hysterical.

There are just SO MANY SCENES I want to share with you from this movie, but I won't, because you really have to see them to appreciate it. I wouldn't want to steal any WTF moments from you. Let's just say... they could have put about 50% of this movie into that YouTube video without any problems. Some of my more favorite moments: Alva's mom, getting the cheap teeth, Cage in Tunnel, the sofa coffin (see below), Alva's "pep talk," and of course the pigeon. Don't miss the commentary-- highly recommend getting this on DVD so you can hear Cage and the director muse (maybe 20 years later) about what may or may not have happened on the set of this film.

In sum, a darkly hilarious Cage gem, reminiscent of American Psycho and Dracula, Dead and Loving It (although it pre-dated both of them). Absolutely not appropriate for the whole family, but you should definitely watch it with them anyway, because everyone should see this movie.

Movie quotability:

• "I was in mortal combat with a fucking bat, give me a break!"
• "Oh yes, ok I know. Uh, I guess I was pretty horny... pretty keyed up from being with a girl right before. I was drunk, too, that was it. I'd had a little to drink. I was drunk. Plus I was horny."
• "Fucking greasehole!"
• "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??"
• "How could somebody misfile something? It couldn't be easier, it's all alphabetical! (screams alphabet) I've never misfiled anything! Not once, not one time! I want to know, really, who did?!"
• "That mescaline, wow. Does strange stuff. I'll never do that again. Jeez."
• "There is no one else here who I could possibly ask to share such a terrible job."
• "Are you all right, Mr Loew?" "Shut up, bitch."
• "I'm a vampire!" (etc)
• "My girlfriend broke up with me! I'm a vampire! Kill me! Kill me!"
• "Christ! The tortures of the damned!"

Plot Holes:

• Self-professed commitment phobe ends up in two romantic relationships (floozy, Beals). 

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.99/5	4.21/5
Martine	!Incredibly, fell asleep in the Cage!

#52 Fire Birds

#52 Fire Birds

Year: 1990

Director: David Green
MPAA Rating: PG-13

Epic Co-stars: Tommy Lee Jones, 

Running Time: 85 mins
Cage Time: 100%
Cage Kills/Deaths: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 3

James' Review:  Let's just clear up a few things before we get started here.  Nic Cage is a much better actor than Tom Cruise, Tommy Lee Jones is a much better actor than James Tolkan, and tricked out helicopters (if presented properly) can be just as cool as fighter jets.  Despite all these facts, Fire Birds is a much worse movie than Top Gun.  Maybe  it's the fact that all my memories of Top Gun were formed before I was ten years of age, or that Nic Cage could only really be taken seriously in about 1/3 of the scenes in which he appeared in this movie, or possibly that Nic Cage (the anit-Tom Cruise) didn't ride a totally tricked out crotch rocket.  We may never know.  All we do know is that Fire Birds was released four years after Top Gun (giving every person on earth a chance to see it and love it) and that it desperately wanted to be Top Gun (made clear by an almost exact copy of the story line) and that it did not have any scenes with Val Kilmer (probably the only thing I would still like about Top Gun if I were to see it now).

The best of the best.  Helicopter Pilot.  Actor.  Human.  Whatever.

Jake Preston (Cage) is a hot young stud and rising star in the US Apache Combat training program.  He is the best of the best and he knows it.  The school has recently been chartered by the US Government to train their pilots for combat against South American drug cartels who will be flying a smaller, more nimble, Scorpion attack helicopter.  That's right, drug cartels in a different hemisphere have a single helicopter and a crack pilot that will single-handedly wage war on the US military.   Preston has finally met his match.  But before he can solve America's drug problems, he's got some authority to challenge and some ass to chase at home...

Siskel and Ebert have already said everything there is to say (and in a vastly superior fashion) about the film itself so I'll try to say a few things they haven't.  First off, all of the acting in this movie is terrible.  Cage actually pulls this "terrible acting" off due to his irreverence and on-screen charm, while everyone else just ends up looking like a typical asshole failing at a never ending game of Charades.  Both his irreverence and charm are perfectly summed up in an excellent scene where he takes to the flight simulator for some realistic (ie. mid level PlayStation 1 graphics) action against the best AI 1990 has to offer.  But Seriously.  Fire Birds deserves some respect for drawing attention to a problem so often overlooked by the US public today:  Eye Dominance.  People suffering from this condition often have to spend several minutes behind the wheel of a jeep equipped with a home made para scope to be cured forever.

Eye dominance:  An ailment that effects one out of  every one person in this country today.  

I've presented here only a few of the reasons why every person on earth should eventually see this movie.  While each individual part may be either laughable, stupid, embarrassing  or really stupid, they all sum together to provide an experience that is but a fond memory in 2013.  Fire Birds shows us a time when multiple A-list actors could be in a totally stupid movie and it didn't even matter or effect their careers.  A time when someone would actually put up millions of dollars because "theoretically Top Gun with helicopters and Nic Cage should be amazing."  A time when  a quote from anyone with the name George Bush at the beginning of a movie would be somewhat respectable.  And most importantly, a time that the whole world was stupid and nothing didn't not not matter at all.  Nothing mattered at all because bad guys were exploding and Nic Cage was securing a nice piece of ass in the end.  And I think we all know deep down, that is all that really matters.

A time.  The time.  The only time.  Transcending Time.

Movie quotability:

• "Sir, that was totally cool!"
• "Good, because I have a pocket full of quarters."
• "I AM THE GREATEST"
• "Shoot 'em, blast 'em, nab 'em, grab 'em, shake 'em, bake 'em, cook 'em, clean 'em, hold 'em, broil 'em, kick 'em, nab 'em, twist 'em, ALL GONE BYE BYE!!!!"
• "I'd say that I'm doing piss-perfect"
• "Why'd you change?"  "Less to take off."  "Lets skip dinner."
• "You're not touching her you filthy piece of shit."
• "Snort that sucker."  (Kills cocaine jet with shoulder fired rocket.)

Plot Holes:

• Drug cartels like fighting the US military via a single helicopter.
• The drug cartel seems to have one helicopter and one helicopter pilot.
• Their helicopter pilot was trained in North Korea.
• People in 1990 thought that "Billie" looked good in that loose sports bra.
• Tommy Lee Jones it taller than the top shelf in the supermarket.
• Old couple has 3 toddler aged kids and no toys in their house.
• Arizona and "South America" look exactly the same.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Poor
Shauna
James	3.19/5	1.80/5
Martine	!Read, wrote, and watched in the Cage!

#44 City of Angels

#44 City of Angels

Year: 1998

Director: Brad Silberling
MPAA Rating: PG-13

Epic Co-stars: Meg Ryan, Andre Braugher, Dennis Franz (RON SWANSON CAMEO!)

Running Time: 114 min
Cage Time: 90%
Cage Kills: 2
Cage Flip-outs: 1 (meh)

Shauna's Review: 

Just to give you a little background here, I am a female person. Therefore, I like Meg Ryan movies. (I am watching Sleepless in Seattle at this very moment, no joke.) I kind of couldn't believe that I had never seen this movie before, given that it stars both Lord Cage and the aforementioned Ms. Ryan. I even considered "pre-watching" this one prior to movie night, so that I could actually hear the dialogue (it's like watching movies with Statler and Waldorf). Boy, would that have been a waste of 114 minutes. 

This wallpaper is an accurate representation of the quality of this film. 

Within two minutes, it became apparent that this movie is stupid. What tipped me off were the hundreds of poorly photoshopped men in black trench coats, sitting on billboards all over Los Angeles. Nothing could be lamer than a movie that desperately announces, "This is esoteric and interesting! This is deep and cool!" No, it's not. Just because you talk about death doesn't make you deep, and unfortunately, just because you managed to snag Dr Cage doesn't mean that you have made a good movie (boy, have we learned that lesson). Granted, I only heard about 30% of the dialogue, but that was plenty. 


The basic premise of the movie is as follows: Seth (Cage) is one of hundreds of angels who, dressed like Neo, stalk invisibly around Los Angeles, both saving people and leading them down (literal) hallways after they die. He meets surgeon Maggie (Meg Ryan) at a hospital and is impressed with her determination to save her patient, as well as her anguish when the patient dies. Seth becomes convinced that Maggie saw him in the operating room, and stalks her. He allows himself to become visible to her, and she becomes equally (inexplicably) infatuated with him . Seth, being an angel, is unable to truly sense anything-- touch, smell, taste, etc-- but he learns that he has the choice to fall to Earth (literally) and become mortal. Will he choose such a fate? WHO CAN SAY?? 

Watching. Always watching. 

Fortunately, Cage made this movie in what I consider his "peak hotness" years (the Rock-Con Air-Face/Off era). Unfortunately, he is a creepy Watson. (James considers this Cage's creepiest role, even surpassing Eddie). The scenes in this movie are wildly repetitive, in that they are usually something like this: open on someone (usually Meg Ryan) in the kitchen/ bathtub/ operating room, talking to someone/ taking a bath/ performing surgery, pan out and see Nic Cage standing behind the refrigerator door/ sitting in a chair next to the tub/ watching from the corner. Basically, you may not see Cage at first, but you know he's there, lurking in the corner and watching, creepily.

Nicolas Cage gets me all hot and bothered.

Even if you buy all this lame hokum about angels and death, blah blah blah, the fundamental premise of this movie as a chick flick is deeply flawed. Meg Ryan plays a successful cardiothoracic surgeon. Her boyfriend is kind of lame, but she could definitely find another one because she is rich, young, and attractive. She meets this weird guy who says he works as a messenger; he lives in a library, he doesn't blink, he never changes his clothes, and he talks in a quiet voice about death all the time. Then Meg Ryan takes a bath and drinks Rolling Rock while fantasizing about this guy, who must be the creepiest guy she ever met. What? Now you're in love? What? Also, WATCH OUT, HE'S BEHIND THE FRIDGE! 

Movie quotability:

• James: "Is he an angel in this movie, or Batman?"
• "You've definitely been beeped."
• "What are you, like a bike messenger?" "I am a messenger for God."
• Skyler: "He's going on some kind of man date with this... fatty."
• James: "That's a sweet-looking dog. Never mind, that's just a fucking yellow lab."
• "Why do you wear the same clothes all the time? Why won't you give me your phone number? ...are you married?"
• "Where are you from?" "Up."

Plot Holes:

• Nic Cage says, "What do you like best?" And the girl says, "Pajamas."
• Room full of babies (I guess that's called a "nursery") is completely quiet. 
• Angels steal library books. 
• Nic Cage and Meg Ryan go to a farmer's market. Can people see him now? He's carrying a basket. Do they just see a basket bobbing around in mid-air?
• I wasn't watching this movie very closely, but it seems weird that Meg Ryan would go to Dennis Franz and say, "I don't understand a God who would let us meet if there's no way we can be together," if she didn't know that Dennis was also a fallen angel, ie. someone who had an understanding of what the fuck she was talking about. 
• Wait, Nic Cage gets to keep her house? Did they get a quickie marriage that we missed out on? Sometime between the tender lovemaking at the steamy shower scene?

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Poor	Troll
Shauna
James	1.41	0.98
Martine	Stayed in the Cage.

#41 National Treasure: Book of Secrets

#41 National Treasure:  Book of Secrets

Year: 2007

Director: Jon Turteltaub
MPAA Rating: PG

Epic Co-stars: Jon Voight, Ed Harris, Ty Burrell, Harvey Keitel, Diane Kruger

Running Time: 124 mins
Cage Time: 99%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 2

Skyler's Review: 
Alright, here we go. A second National Treasure. This time Ben Gates (Cage) is super famous  for finding all that gold in the last movie. So Gates is telling the story of his ancestors  and some guy (Ed Harris) stands up and reveals that he has a page from of a diary that indicates that the Gates family might be traitors to Lincoln and the Union during the Civil War. This, of course, upsets Nic Cage, so he goes into full-on high-powered investigation mode: he has to prove that there is another amazing gold treasure room to somehow prove his family's standing.

Ed Harris blackmails Cage into jumping into clue finding mode.

To set up the movie at the beginning, Riley makes some kind of  joke about the IRS taking his car due to "taxes." That actually sounds a lot like Nic Cage, and how the IRS took his stuff due to "taxes." Did he write this movie? Later they show the inside of a giant house that is supposed to be Ben's. Was that actually Nic Cage's house? This all made the movie extra special, making us feel closer to Dr. Cage's personal life. 

We may have stole this out of a desk in Buckingham Palace and security/bad guys are moments behind us, but let's take a moment to look at it in plain sight.

The rest of the movie unfolds in what you would expect from a quest-based farce. Nic Cage and his crew break into high-security venues to steal historical artifacts and run away from bad guys with guns. No target is too high profile, no location is too high of security. I mean, he's Nic Cage, for goodness sake. His charisma is off the charts, so he can bluff his way out of any situation. There is no catching this guy.

They always end up in some cave with some kind of ancient yet unrealistically sophisticated technology.

All in all, this is a great film. Nicolas Cage is totally in his element: freak outs, ridiculous lines delivered with conviction, and every emotion that they make. I can't wait to see what they try to steal and break into in the next one! Bravo, Cage!

Movie quotability:

• "Do you know what the taxes are on five million dollars? Six million dollars." -Riley
• "Of course someone else is after the treasure. That's the axiom of treasure hunting."-Riley
• "That's ABSURD." -Dr Cage

• "So let's recap: We've broken into Buckingham Palace, and the Oval Office, stolen a page from the President's super-secret book, and actually kidnapped the President of the United States. What are we gonna do next, short-sheet the Pope's bed?" -Riley

• "I'm gonna kidnap him. I'm gonna kidnap the President of the United States." -Cage

• "Bangers and mash. Bubbles and squeak. Smoked eel pie. Haggis!" -Cage

• Riley: "So, what's new with you?" Ben: "Well, my girlfriend kicked me out, I'm living with my dad, and my family killed President Lincoln." Riley: "All right."

• "That was not love. It was excitement, adrenaline, and tequila. I was trying to get course credit." -Helen Mirren

• "This movie even insults the intelligence of Nicolas Cage fans." -James

Plot Holes:

• Ben Gates doesn't speak French? I thought he spoke like every language ever. 
• Ben Gates can smell perfume around a giant bouquet of flowers. She must really reek.
• Everything about the hack into the London Police Database
• There is no Section 25 of Article 1 of the Maryland Constitution. Lawyered.
• If the Presidents' Book is a book known only to the presidents, then how does Ben Gates (non-president) know about it?
• Giant stone teeter-totter. What the fuck.

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.13/5	3.11/5
Martine	!Stayed in the CAGE!

#40 Next

#40 Next

Year: 2007

Director: Lee Tamahori
MPAA Rating: PG-13

Epic Co-stars: Jessica Biel, Julianne Moore

Running Time: 96 minutes
Cage Time: 99%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 0

Skyler's Review: 

Whenever I see a movie by Saturn Films (Dr. Cage's label), I like to imagine how the Master of Film picks out a screenplay. For "Next" I imagine Nic sitting in a hot tub with a buddy of his and Cage says, "I really want to make out with Jessical Biel. I wonder how I could do that." His friend says, "I always thought it would be cool to have a movie where the main character can see the future; but, like, only the next two minutes, or something. That'd be pretty cool." And hence, film history was made.

Nic Cage's character has the magic power to scry into the future. The fire-flower thing is just CGI.

Basically the plot works like this: Frank Caddilac (Cage) has some sort of mutant power that lets him see 2 minutes into the future. This allows him to dominate in fist fights and elude the cops pretty well. He also makes a decent living at the blackjack table. Other than that, he tries to keep his abilities secret, fearing that the government will want to take him for their own ends. Frank then sees a girl, the same way he sees the future, but this is much more than 2 minutes into the future. He makes it his mission to find this girl (Biel) so he can have sex with her. There is a scene in which he gets to try out about 20 pickup lines before finding one that works, thanks to his abilities. 


Then comes the bad guys. There is a group of terrorists that want to blow up LA. The counter-terrorism guys are completely inept and are essentially useless. They know there is a bomb in the city, somehow they are good enough to know that, but that is all. Then that chick from The Big Lebowski has an idea when she sees surveillance video of Nic Cage totally evading the casino police. She decides that he must be able to see the future and that he is their only hope of finding the nuclear bomb. The CTs then spend 100% of their resources trying to apprehend Frank Caddilac for his "see the future" ability, NOT look for the bomb. You can figure out the the rest on your own.

At this point, Cage's character is fully cooperating with the authorities. Why then do they need to hold his eyes open?

There are some real problems with trying to make a movie with a plot like this work. For starters, the guy can see the future and so he reacts to it. That means that what the audience sees is Cage fail at something, try again; fail, try again; fail, try again; such that a 10 second action can be dragged out into minutes. This is cute at first, but then you start to think, "alright, I get it, he is virtually trying out many options, cut to the chase..." That is the 10 second stuff. Then there are also full 2 minute conversations that happen, but are then erased because Frank decides to change his mind at the last moment.

The film Next is most widely known for the Nicolas Cage "my hair is a bird" internet meme.

It is a cool idea, however, so you get a pass for that. As far as the counter-terrorism guys though, it is ridiculous. First of all, ZERO "experts" have any problem with trying to hunt down a guy because Julianne Moore says that "she thinks he has clairvoyance." Nope, they go in full lock stock and barrel to get this innocent civilian so that he can tell them where the bomb is. Remember he can only see 2 minutes into the future. This means they are going to all this trouble tracking down "some guy" (which takes multiple days) so they can get a 2 minute head start on a nuke in LA. What is their magic plan for this? How will he know where the bomb went off? They stick him in front of a TV saying that "as soon as that bomb goes off, the news will report the location." As soon as it goes off? Yeah, right. Even breaking news takes a minute to get on the air. What if they are at commercial? So this eats into the 2 minute window, we're talking 1 minute, tops.

On the plus side, we do get to see some epic slow-motion bird hair, and a moment when there are 20+ Nicolas Cages on screen. It was worth it for that alone. If Nicolas Cage could really make copies of himself, there is no end to how many National Treasures he could find/steal!

Movie quotability:

• "Did you know that Nicolas Cage looks great without a shirt on, even though he's a forty-year old man?" -James
• "We need to use all of our resources to find the guy who can see two minutes into the future!!" -Skyler
• "Oh my god, a dead hooker! That's awesome." -James
• "I've seen every possible ending. None of them are good for you."
• "It happened. It just hasn't happened yet."
• "Here is the thing about the future. Every time you look at, it changes, because you looked at it, and that changes everything else."
• "You have one way out of this... that wasn't it."
• "Every once in a while what we think is magic is the real deal hiding behind a $50.00 trick, because the alternative is impossible for others to live with."
• "Did you hear about the zen monk who ordered a hot dog? He said he'd have one with everything."

Plot Holes:

• Nothing in this movie makes sense. Let's just leave it at that.
• Sheets stick to Jessica Beal's boobs even when she's sitting up in bed.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Dreadful
Shauna
James	3.95/5	1.79/5
Martine	!Baked in the Cage!

#39 Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

#39 Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance 

Year: 2011

Director: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor
MPAA Rating: PG-13

Epic Co-stars: Ciaran Hinds, Idris Elba

Running Time: 95 mins
Cage Time: 
Cage Kills: 43
Cage Flip-outs: 1

Shauna's Review: 

If you were waiting for the movie where you get to see Nic Cage piss fire, you've finally found it. Your expectations for this movie, like ours, may be incredibly low following Ghost Rider I, but Spirit of Vengeance at least represents a measurable improvement over its predecessor. 

The directors (previously of Crank) bring a touch of Shoot 'Em Up (or, you know, Crank) to this film, which can only help it. The most significant improvement is to Cage's character Johnny Blaze. Whereas in the first film Cage's great dynamic range was stifled to a terribly dull, Kevin Costner-esque moderation, in this movie Cage's true dramatic and comedic abilities are showcased to great effect. Heaven knows I could happily watch the flesh melt off of Nic Cage's screaming face for hours on end. 

Ah, bliss.

The creative "minds" behind this movie have made a few changes to the canon. The Ghost Rider is basically the Hulk in this movie. Although more familiar with his alter-ego, Nicolas Cage still sweatily strains to hold it in check. Also he appears to be high on crack (you may notice a common theme among Cage's greater films). I know if *I* were playing the main character in this movie, drugs would help tremendously. 

I'm not sure if you know this, but... I've got the magic in me. Also cocaine.

The penance stare seems to have evolved a little bit... in that it now takes longer and is more like a makeout sesh, ending in the baddie dissolving in a fiery poof. Also the Rider is announced by that same sci-fi noise you've heard before in the Matrix/Lost/Transformers/Every Sci-fi Movie Ever, which is (redundant, but) creepy and awesome. I'll allow it.What makes this movie so much better than the first is that we get to see Cage AS the Rider, instead of as a boring do-gooder who morphs into a CGI Non-Shamanic Rider. 


I'm not going to bother with a recap of the plot of this film, because it is utterly ridiculous and wouldn't hold up under the slightest of scrutinies. Needless to say, every moment of film without Cage is one wasted, terrible moment, and slowly those moments wear you down until you are praying for merciful death. The writing is so awfully bad that Blaze actually compares murder to illegal downloading. And not in like a funny, ironic way. On the plus side, Cage's interviews with Nathaniel Lippiett are beautiful and amazing. 

Have you ever been dragged out to the sidewalk and beaten until you PISSED FIRE??

In sum, I'm not sure if Cage's performance is SO legendary that you should voluntarily subject yourself to it (outside of your AYITC requirements, of course); I'm sure you can think of at least one Cageriffic alternate. But he does give an enjoyably Shamanic experience in an otherwise crap film. 

Movie quotability:

• "Same plot as Dennis the Menace?" -Skyler, hopefully
• "I did a bare ass 360 triple back flip in front of twenty two thousand people. It's kind of funny, it's on Youtube, check it out."
• "Why does the devil walk in human form anyway? I have no idea."
• "And you don't want to be around when that happens, see there's good and bad in all of us, and maybe you're not a murderer, but you did something that you didn't want the Rider to see, a white lie, an illegal download, what about you? And you?"
• "That's the guy? He looks like he works on a crew ship."
• "No, I got it. You're the devil's baby mama."
• "Yeah, Black, French, kind of a dick? You know him?"
• "That guy does looks like a younger, more attractive Kurt Russell." -James
• "He's scraping at the door! Scraping at the door!!!"
• "Good girl."
• "There was a bee. I thought it was going to sting your face."
• "They made a mistake with Christian Bale. They should have just gone with him as Batman." -Skyler
• "Go. Home."

Plot Holes:

• Shotgun RPGs?
• Martine (a mom) says that chick is not convincing as a real mom.

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Dreadful
Shauna
James	4.16	1.43
Martine	Fell asleep in the Cage. Hell yes.