#17 The Wicker Man

#17 The Wicker Man

Year: 2006

Director: Neil LaBute

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: 

Running Time: 102 mins.
Cage Time: 98%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

Skyler's Review: To be completely honest, I was not really looking forward to watching The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage. I mean, I was and I wasn't. Like any other person that claims to know anything at all about Nic Cage, I've seen the highlights reel to the Wicker Man. If this is your first time investigating Cage's work here is the video: (FYI, spoilers!)

So I knew that there would be at least 2:08 of over-the-top-dramatic thriller in store for me, but from what I had read in the YouTube comments I was worried about the other 1:43:52. Everyone was saying that the first 90 minutes drags on; and makes the last bit of the movie not even worth it. I wholeheartedly disagree. Maybe I'm in the 27% of people on rottentomatoes.com that actually liked it, but 75% of our group really liked it. 100% of us were engaged the entire movie.

Not the bees!

So here is the plot: an over-righteous, arrogant, Jimmy Stewarty police detective (Cage) ends up investigating the kidnapping, or possible murder, of a little girl in a isolated island community. There seems to be only women on this island, so having this masculine man in a suit on the island snooping around like he owns the place makes you feel awkward; Cage's character can't seem to read their culture and behave appropriately. (It is this "I'm a man, I do/say what I want" kind of attitude that kept us entertained during the film) As the detective is investigating, and interfering with all of the island's daily affairs, it becomes apparent that there may be some kind of cover-up going on and that the child was sacrificed in some sort of ancient druid ritual. Every time he uncovers another clue, the community becomes even less forthcoming, and they try to scare him into leaving them alone; this all leads to an exciting conclusion.

"What's in the bag, a shark or something?"

Overall, we felt that this movie has been highly underrated. If you like Nicolas Cage, you will like this film. We have been quoting to each other nonstop since viewing. You must go into the movie knowing that it is intentionally overly dramatic and over-the-top to the point of comedy. But then again, that is the mindset you evoke when entering any Nicolas Cage masterpiece. Nicolas Cage, well done sir, bravo!

Movie quotability:

• "What's in the bag, a shark or something?"
• "I'm a policeman, see my badge?"
• "You little liars." (to a room full of children)
• "Perhaps it is time for you to stop bullshitting me, okay?"
• "How'd it get burned!?  How'd it get burned?  How'd it get burned!? How'd it get burned!?"
• "You have my permission to stay out of my fucking way!"
• "Killing me won't bring back your god-damned honey!!"
• "What is it?  What is it?  Ohhhh Nooo, not the bees!!"

Plot Holes:

• Man refuses to fly Malus to the secret island based on principle but gives in for a measly 100 bucks.
• Malus thinks someone may be trapped in the canvas bag that is dripping blood. They tell him to look in the bag and he flinches; decides to not look.
• Supposedly Malus is a great detective but he doesn't connect the many, many hints that the kid is his.
• Flashlight works perfectly underwater.
• Mr. Malus desperately tries to wake up an obviously decomposing body.
• Strange ritual conveniently has one full body bear costume that allows Nic Cage to infiltrate.
• With two broken femers, Nic Cage still respons coherently to each new bizarre event.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.95/5	4.99/5
Martine	!Pissed that she stayed in the Cage!

#6 Snake Eyes

#6 Snake Eyes

Year: 1998

Director: Brian De Palma

MPAA Rating: R 

Epic Co-stars: Gary Sinise

Running Time: 98 mins
Cage Time: ~85%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 3

James' Review: In Snake Eyes Nick Cage plays Rick Santoro, a highly annoying municipal police officer that any person not hopped up on cocaine wouldn't want to spend for than 5 seconds with; perfect Nouveau Shamanic material.  The film starts out with Cage excited as hell about a big time boxing matching and getting to watch it with his "best friend" Kevin Dunne (Gary Sinise) but things quickly go south as a very high ranking government official is shot and Santoro is left to decode several suspicious and somewhat nonsensical events that occurred leading up to the crime. 


As with many great Cage films, relationships such as "best friend", "wife", and "kids" are thrown into the plot in an attempt to convey the idea the the characters are fully mature human adults, but they come off as somewhat 1-dimensional on screen.  But let's be honest here, nobody gives a shit about that.  We just want to see some fine Cage Mega-Acting, and we're in luck for at least 50% of the movie.  While the middle half of the movie feels like a bit of a slump when it comes to eccentric Cagness, as the plot plows on and Cage is left in more and more precarious situations we see the Cage that we've come here for.  

Nic Cage plays one of the most convincing loud annoying assholes I've ever seen.

Snake Eyes brings a somewhat complex, well thought out crime scenario and some highly creative (yet poorly executed) cinematography to make it worth it's 98 minutes. As the film reaches it's climax, Nicolas Cage is in top form as a battered hero alone in the world with not a chance of survival.  Unfortunately, not even some top notch mega-acting could distract from the horrific script that almost seems like a parody of so many B-rate action / suspense films that have paved the path to this point.  Fortunately, anyone who has made it this far is no longer watching for the story, but watching to see Nicolas Cage transcend the realm of reality and entertain like only he can.  I'm happy to say we have not been let down.

Movie quotability: 2/5

• "You see where your hand is?  That a FELONY!"
• "And that's what she was there for, to give you a boner.  And you got one, congratulations you're human."

Plot Holes:

• Mystery chick is seemingly unaffected by her gunshot wound.
• SPOILER:  Even though the cops learned about the murders the city still decides to use pillers with dead bodies in them.

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Outstanding	Acceptable
Shauna
James	3.77/5	2.88/5
Martine	!Enjoyed her Kindle in the Cage!