#65 The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans

#65 Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call- New Orleans

Year: 2009

Director: Werner Herzog

MPAA Rating: R

Epic Co-stars: Val Kilmer, Eva Mendes

Running Time: 122 mins
Cage Time: 
Cage Kills: 
Cage Flip-outs: 4

Shauna's Review: 

This movie is set in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina (text says). Cage and Kilmer are cops. Early in the film (I'm guessing this is immediately post-Katrina) Cage jumps into a submerged prison to save a trapped convict and injures his back-- mild to moderate pain for the rest of his life, the doctor says, and prescribes him Vicodin. Flash forward to six months later, Cage is snorting something in his police car before walking into a crime scene. He's a grumpy-ass, high strung lieutenant with a crazy-ass swagger and a gun perpetually stuck in the front of his pants. His girlfriend, Eva Mendes, appears to be a hooker. Oh, yep. She's a hooker.

Look, honey, there's a surprisingly bright future ahead of us! 

Cage's boss assigns him lead for the investigation into the murder of a Senegalese family. Turns out Cage has been stealing drugs from the property room with some help from a beat walker, Michael Shannon (aka Dave from Cage classic World Trade Center, if you're attentive). He also pulls over a couple of teenagers, ostensibly on suspicion of "passing drugs," and takes some drugs from the guy, takes some secondhand hits from a crack pipe via the mouth of the hot teenage girl, followed by a handjob.

Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Also cocaine makes you crazy in the brain. 

We're alternately impressed with the intensity of his drug use, the depth of his depravity, and his skill in conducting the murder investigation. Cage single-handedly finds and delivers most of the important people and clues, despite the fact that he is pretty much up to his eyeballs in drugs and gambling debt.  This movie might be more accurately titled "Irresponsible Lieutenant"-- given charge of his father's dog, he does everything in his power to pass that responsibility off onto his girlfriend; given charge of the young witness to the homicide, he quickly a) snorts coke in front of him, b) gives drugs to his hooker girlfriend, and c) loses the kid in a casino. Things start to unravel pretty quickly after that.

"What are those fucking iguanas doing on my coffee table?"

Cage is a fine actor here. He truly embodies this desperate, strung-out character with a touch of Cage-esque humor, a shuffling, hunched back posture and a nasally, mumbling version of his familiar drawl. Somehow you manage to feel bad for this poor son of a bitch, despite his fucking miserable life choices. The direction of the film is a bit rambly and has less momentum than I would like for this type of story. The director wastes a few minutes here and there with random artsy film bits (close-ups of a lizard or a crocodile dying on the street). But overall I would say this is a decent movie, and undoubtedly one of Cage's better recent acting gigs.

Movie quotability:

• "Please what, shitbird?"
• 'Hey, man, i got on Swiss cotton underpants. yeah, that's right. cost me $55 a pair. You think I want to get all this brown water and shit all over them?"
• "Don't move, you stay and watch! You watch her! You watch your fucking girlfriend!"
• "I need that coke back... I snorted what I thought was coke, turned out to be heroin. I need to be at work in an hour."
• "What are these fucking iguanas doing on my coffee table?"
• "It's amazing how much you can get done when you have a simple purpose in life."
• "Shoot him again!" "What for?" "His soul's still dancing!"
• "You don't have a lucky crack pipe?"
• "I'll kill all of you. To the break of dawn. To the break of dawn, baby."
• "Hey, did I ever tell you about the ni**er elk?"
• (to two elderly ladies) "Maybe you should die, you selfish cunt.... You fucks, I hate you, I hate you both.... You're the fucking reason this country's going down the drain."
• "Well, let her get cleaned up, put on something hot. She looks like shit right now."
• "A man without a gun isn't a man."

Plot Holes:

• All the other cops conveniently leave Cage in the room alone with bad guys often enough that he can smoke crack and make deals with them on a regular basis.

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Outstanding	Outstanding
Shauna
James	4.38/5.00	4.04/5.00
Martine	!Enjoyed the Cage!

#52 Fire Birds

#52 Fire Birds

Year: 1990

Director: David Green
MPAA Rating: PG-13

Epic Co-stars: Tommy Lee Jones, 

Running Time: 85 mins
Cage Time: 100%
Cage Kills/Deaths: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 3

James' Review:  Let's just clear up a few things before we get started here.  Nic Cage is a much better actor than Tom Cruise, Tommy Lee Jones is a much better actor than James Tolkan, and tricked out helicopters (if presented properly) can be just as cool as fighter jets.  Despite all these facts, Fire Birds is a much worse movie than Top Gun.  Maybe  it's the fact that all my memories of Top Gun were formed before I was ten years of age, or that Nic Cage could only really be taken seriously in about 1/3 of the scenes in which he appeared in this movie, or possibly that Nic Cage (the anit-Tom Cruise) didn't ride a totally tricked out crotch rocket.  We may never know.  All we do know is that Fire Birds was released four years after Top Gun (giving every person on earth a chance to see it and love it) and that it desperately wanted to be Top Gun (made clear by an almost exact copy of the story line) and that it did not have any scenes with Val Kilmer (probably the only thing I would still like about Top Gun if I were to see it now).

The best of the best.  Helicopter Pilot.  Actor.  Human.  Whatever.

Jake Preston (Cage) is a hot young stud and rising star in the US Apache Combat training program.  He is the best of the best and he knows it.  The school has recently been chartered by the US Government to train their pilots for combat against South American drug cartels who will be flying a smaller, more nimble, Scorpion attack helicopter.  That's right, drug cartels in a different hemisphere have a single helicopter and a crack pilot that will single-handedly wage war on the US military.   Preston has finally met his match.  But before he can solve America's drug problems, he's got some authority to challenge and some ass to chase at home...

Siskel and Ebert have already said everything there is to say (and in a vastly superior fashion) about the film itself so I'll try to say a few things they haven't.  First off, all of the acting in this movie is terrible.  Cage actually pulls this "terrible acting" off due to his irreverence and on-screen charm, while everyone else just ends up looking like a typical asshole failing at a never ending game of Charades.  Both his irreverence and charm are perfectly summed up in an excellent scene where he takes to the flight simulator for some realistic (ie. mid level PlayStation 1 graphics) action against the best AI 1990 has to offer.  But Seriously.  Fire Birds deserves some respect for drawing attention to a problem so often overlooked by the US public today:  Eye Dominance.  People suffering from this condition often have to spend several minutes behind the wheel of a jeep equipped with a home made para scope to be cured forever.

Eye dominance:  An ailment that effects one out of  every one person in this country today.  

I've presented here only a few of the reasons why every person on earth should eventually see this movie.  While each individual part may be either laughable, stupid, embarrassing  or really stupid, they all sum together to provide an experience that is but a fond memory in 2013.  Fire Birds shows us a time when multiple A-list actors could be in a totally stupid movie and it didn't even matter or effect their careers.  A time when someone would actually put up millions of dollars because "theoretically Top Gun with helicopters and Nic Cage should be amazing."  A time when  a quote from anyone with the name George Bush at the beginning of a movie would be somewhat respectable.  And most importantly, a time that the whole world was stupid and nothing didn't not not matter at all.  Nothing mattered at all because bad guys were exploding and Nic Cage was securing a nice piece of ass in the end.  And I think we all know deep down, that is all that really matters.

A time.  The time.  The only time.  Transcending Time.

Movie quotability:

• "Sir, that was totally cool!"
• "Good, because I have a pocket full of quarters."
• "I AM THE GREATEST"
• "Shoot 'em, blast 'em, nab 'em, grab 'em, shake 'em, bake 'em, cook 'em, clean 'em, hold 'em, broil 'em, kick 'em, nab 'em, twist 'em, ALL GONE BYE BYE!!!!"
• "I'd say that I'm doing piss-perfect"
• "Why'd you change?"  "Less to take off."  "Lets skip dinner."
• "You're not touching her you filthy piece of shit."
• "Snort that sucker."  (Kills cocaine jet with shoulder fired rocket.)

Plot Holes:

• Drug cartels like fighting the US military via a single helicopter.
• The drug cartel seems to have one helicopter and one helicopter pilot.
• Their helicopter pilot was trained in North Korea.
• People in 1990 thought that "Billie" looked good in that loose sports bra.
• Tommy Lee Jones it taller than the top shelf in the supermarket.
• Old couple has 3 toddler aged kids and no toys in their house.
• Arizona and "South America" look exactly the same.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Poor
Shauna
James	3.19/5	1.80/5
Martine	!Read, wrote, and watched in the Cage!

#50 Stolen

#50 Stolen

Year: 2012

Director: Simon West

MPAA Rating: R

Epic Co-stars: None.

Running Time: 93 minutes
Cage Time: 90%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 2

James' Review:  Let's just think for a moment about the one film in the last decade that you wished Nic Cage would have been in but wasn't.  Easy answer:  Taken.  Sure Liam Neeson is a total badass, but we all know Nicolas Cage would have an even more particular set of skills and would have found him and killed him just a bit sooner and more fantastically.  This is exactly what I was hoping this movie was, what it should be, but (very) unfortunately is not.  

Stolen was directed Simon West, who also directed Con Air.  Do you see the resemblance?

Cage is Will Montgomery, a master safe picker.  He is a career criminal in a gang of three that specializes in high value, high tech, and high profile bank robberies.  Montgomery needs to pull off one last heist to to build his nest egg to the point where he can retire and finally be the father that his seven year old daughter deserves.  What could go wrong?  Well actually, plenty of stuff and (spoiler alert) it does.  The aftermath involves Cage going to jail for just under a dime, the cute girl getting off scott free, and the ugly crazy guy (Josh Lucas) spiraling down and eventually getting killed in a fire.  Or did he....  (spoiler alert) No, actually he didn't.  He faked his death and  is totally pissed at Cage.  He wants his cut of the money from the heist and will take Cage's daughter and eventually kill her if he doesn't get it.  She is STOLEN!!!

Nic Cage plays a homeless man that sleeps on the street.  The sidewalk is his pillow...

Nic Cage has only one option: reunite with the Hot Chick and rob another bank to get enough ransom money.  The rest of the movie from here is the creepy ugly guy driving around talking on his cellphone, Cage's daughter spending a lot of time in a trunk, and Nic Cage being much less badass than Liam Neeson was until the end of course. 

Best. Most Mediocre. Movie. Ever.

Movie quotability:

• "Oh my god. You shot me."
• "I left the money. I have to get the money."
• "I'm not the squirrel playing with his nuts here."
• "I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
• "Who dat?"

Plot Holes:

• Nicolas Cage is way too tech savvy to have been in lockup for 8 years.
• Nicolas Cage walks away from a ridiculous car wreck that kills 2 FBI agents and runs away.
• Nicolas Cage is only knee deep in water, yet we see the taxi sink hundreds of feet.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Acceptable	Poor
Shauna
James	3.09/5.00	1.59/5.00
Martine	!Pissed that 90 minutes of her life was STOLEN in the CAGE!

#45 Adaptation.

#45 Adaptation

Year: 2002

Director: Spike Jonze
MPAA Rating: R

Epic Co-stars: Meryl Streep, Chris Cooper, that guy from Office Space

Running Time: 114 min
Cage Time: 
Cage Kills: 
Cage Flip-outs: 1

Skyler's Review: 

Charlie Kaufman (Nicolas Cage) is writing a screenplay about the Orchid Thief and wants to stay true to the book and not snesationalize it with sex, action, love, just for the sake of Hollywood.

I'm already ruining this review. I can't spell. Without those red squiggles, I can't spell a thing. I'm so pathetic. No one will want to read this review. But maybe that is OK, since I am keeping with the movie. Who cares about the audience. If the audience doesn't like it they can read some other blog. It's not my responsibility to write garbage just because the average internet user has the equivalent of a 2nd grade education. I do want them to like me, though.

This movie is worth watching if just for seeing TWO Nicolas Cages on screen.

Dr. Cage also plays Charlie Kaufman's fictional twin brother, Donald. Donald lays around all the time on the ground, and wants to also become a screenwriter, but wants to go to a costly seminar about screenwriting that almost sounds like a scam. Charlie says this is stupid, because a seminar will never help you write something new, which should be the goal for all writers.

 This isn't going well. This isn't interesting at all. I wanted to write something interesting and original, and I'm just sitting here and can't even think about how to recap this movie. I can't find an anmiated gif for this review. I'm terrible.

The story Charlie is writing is about a man (named Laroche) who goes into the swamps in Florida and poaches orchids. He takes Seminole tribe members with him to try and avoid the law, saying that the natives are allowed to poach plants. The goal for Laroche is to poach the 'ghost orchid', which is very rare. Then he plans to cultivate them and sell them for a bunch of money. Then if people can buy the ghost orchid in stores, the flower would be better protected from poachers by decreasing its rarity. Also, you can make drugs.

Why don't girls look at me the way they look at Nicolas Cage. Is it because I'm bald? Women just like confidence; how can I have confidence if I am bald? Maybe I can grow a mustache. I think women like mustaches, or at least a certain kind of woman. I wonder if I would know what to do with the kind of woman that likes mustaches. What if I can't grow a mustache?

The meta-Cage of this movie is amazing. Not only is there Nicolas Cage playing two people (Charlie and Donald), but at one point you get to see Nicolas Cage play Donald acting as Charlie. Good stuff.

Laroche is all about passion and collecting. All he wants is orchids. Before that, he was obsessed with other things. At 10 years old he collected turtles  until he gave up on them and trashed his collection. Then at 17 he collected fish, then one morning woke up and said "fuck fish" and now won't step foot in the ocean. Then he moved on to collecting something else.

If I can just end this review with an exciting animated gif, people will still like it. It doesn't even need to fit with the rest of the review. The audience won't care. I'll find a gif. That's what this needs.

As some point in the movie, we realize that the movie is a meta-movie, because the movie that is playing out is the screenplay that Charlie is currently writing. This becomes clear when Charlie has a breakthrough about how to start the movie. He repeats an echo of what we actually see as at the start of the movie. Toward the end, Charlie writes something and then we see it happen on screen.

This is obviously not from the movie, but is pretty awesome.

Movie quotability:

• Maybe if I were happier my hair wouldn't be falling out?
• You are what you love, not what loves you.
• I can't believe I got shot.  Isn't that fucked up?

Plot Holes:

• None.

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.80/5	4.50/5
Martine	!Stayed in the CAGE!

#41 National Treasure: Book of Secrets

#41 National Treasure:  Book of Secrets

Year: 2007

Director: Jon Turteltaub
MPAA Rating: PG

Epic Co-stars: Jon Voight, Ed Harris, Ty Burrell, Harvey Keitel, Diane Kruger

Running Time: 124 mins
Cage Time: 99%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 2

Skyler's Review: 
Alright, here we go. A second National Treasure. This time Ben Gates (Cage) is super famous  for finding all that gold in the last movie. So Gates is telling the story of his ancestors  and some guy (Ed Harris) stands up and reveals that he has a page from of a diary that indicates that the Gates family might be traitors to Lincoln and the Union during the Civil War. This, of course, upsets Nic Cage, so he goes into full-on high-powered investigation mode: he has to prove that there is another amazing gold treasure room to somehow prove his family's standing.

Ed Harris blackmails Cage into jumping into clue finding mode.

To set up the movie at the beginning, Riley makes some kind of  joke about the IRS taking his car due to "taxes." That actually sounds a lot like Nic Cage, and how the IRS took his stuff due to "taxes." Did he write this movie? Later they show the inside of a giant house that is supposed to be Ben's. Was that actually Nic Cage's house? This all made the movie extra special, making us feel closer to Dr. Cage's personal life. 

We may have stole this out of a desk in Buckingham Palace and security/bad guys are moments behind us, but let's take a moment to look at it in plain sight.

The rest of the movie unfolds in what you would expect from a quest-based farce. Nic Cage and his crew break into high-security venues to steal historical artifacts and run away from bad guys with guns. No target is too high profile, no location is too high of security. I mean, he's Nic Cage, for goodness sake. His charisma is off the charts, so he can bluff his way out of any situation. There is no catching this guy.

They always end up in some cave with some kind of ancient yet unrealistically sophisticated technology.

All in all, this is a great film. Nicolas Cage is totally in his element: freak outs, ridiculous lines delivered with conviction, and every emotion that they make. I can't wait to see what they try to steal and break into in the next one! Bravo, Cage!

Movie quotability:

• "Do you know what the taxes are on five million dollars? Six million dollars." -Riley
• "Of course someone else is after the treasure. That's the axiom of treasure hunting."-Riley
• "That's ABSURD." -Dr Cage

• "So let's recap: We've broken into Buckingham Palace, and the Oval Office, stolen a page from the President's super-secret book, and actually kidnapped the President of the United States. What are we gonna do next, short-sheet the Pope's bed?" -Riley

• "I'm gonna kidnap him. I'm gonna kidnap the President of the United States." -Cage

• "Bangers and mash. Bubbles and squeak. Smoked eel pie. Haggis!" -Cage

• Riley: "So, what's new with you?" Ben: "Well, my girlfriend kicked me out, I'm living with my dad, and my family killed President Lincoln." Riley: "All right."

• "That was not love. It was excitement, adrenaline, and tequila. I was trying to get course credit." -Helen Mirren

• "This movie even insults the intelligence of Nicolas Cage fans." -James

Plot Holes:

• Ben Gates doesn't speak French? I thought he spoke like every language ever. 
• Ben Gates can smell perfume around a giant bouquet of flowers. She must really reek.
• Everything about the hack into the London Police Database
• There is no Section 25 of Article 1 of the Maryland Constitution. Lawyered.
• If the Presidents' Book is a book known only to the presidents, then how does Ben Gates (non-president) know about it?
• Giant stone teeter-totter. What the fuck.

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.13/5	3.11/5
Martine	!Stayed in the CAGE!

#28 The Sorcerer's Apprentice

#28 The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Year: 2010

Director: Jon Turteltaub
MPAA Rating: PG

Epic Co-stars: Alfred Molina

Running Time: 109 mins
Cage Time: 80%
Cage Kills: 0? Really?
Cage Flip-outs: 0

Shauna's Review: 

At first glance, this movie may seem like an epic let-down for fans of The Cage. No flip outs, no kills--in fact, an oddly calm and self-possessed Cage who never lets an f-bomb fly. However, consider the true depth of Mr Cage's investment   in each and every role, including this one as a steampunk reinvention of a cartoon wizard. Also his devotion to the principles of Nouveau Shamanism, which, let's face it, uniquely qualifies him to become a wizard of the highest caliber in any film, Disney or otherwise. 

Nicolas Cage as the greatest wizards of film. Gandalf, Dumbledore, and Balthazar.

In case you found the fact that they have the same damn title to be an insufficient clue (not naming names, you know who you are), this movie is loosely based on the Fantasia piece of the same name, which was in turn inspired by and set to the musical piece of the same name. If you need a refresher, Mickey gets a bit power-mad and floods his master's man-cave while attempting to use magic to do his chores. Although it seems to last indefinitely, it actually only goes on for 10 minutes, so obviously they needed to expand upon the story line somewhat to stretch this premise to 109 minutes. 

The resemblance is clear, I think.

Mean, mouse-spanking Wizard is reinvented as a kindly but sarcastically awesome Balthazar (Nicolas Cage), complete with semi-historical wardrobe and what I can only assume is real magic. In AD 740, Nic Cage's girlfriend is possessed by the evil Morgana, so he traps her and various other malevolent wizards in a Russian nesting doll set until he can find the Prime Merlinian, Merlin's successor. [Yes, we did spend most of the movie wondering why the kid would be called the Prime Meridian.] Of course this turns out to be some obnoxious kid who gets more screen time than Nic Cage, much to the movie's detriment. Balthazar mentors Kid (the titular "apprentice") who can then for some reason defeat Morgana and assorted baddies despite being unable to control a mop. [Yes, they recreate the original premise in what is undoubtedly the worst scene in the movie. Best to leave these things in the twentieth century, folks.] Nevertheless, Nic Cage does get to drive several very fast/ expensive cars, which seems to be his main prerequisite before agreeing to any (every) project. 

Witness the power of the Nouveau Shaman!

The trailer makes it look like part of the Batman franchise, but it shares a director (Turteltaub) and producer (Bruckheimer) with National Treasure, and the similarities can be seen in the film's humor and tone. As someone with juvenile taste in movies (or what I like to think of as "a childlike sense of wonder"), I enjoyed both. Nic Cage seems to get a kick out of playing this wry, laconic, determinedly optimistic sorcerer and mentor. I mean, he gets to wear a leather fedora and a badass cloak, so I think the appeal is pretty straightforward. This movie won't make the top 10 or the best quotes list, but it's amusing to watch-- easy without being simple. 

Movie quotability:

• Dave: "How'd you know my name was Dave?" Balthazar:  "Because I CAN READ MINDS! ... It's on your backpack."
• Dave: "These are old man shoes." Balthazar: "Excuse me."
• "What ever happened to 'don't touch anything'?"
• "I had a dream. You were insulting me, Dave. Repeatedly."
• Skyler: "'Hey, Nic Cage, do you want to drive a badass car?' 'Yes, what do I have to do?' 'You're a sorcerer.' 'I don't give a shit.'" 
• James: "This movie is actually pretty good."

Plot Holes:

• Somehow elementary school teacher finds Dave after he wanders many blocks away in NYC, down side alleys and INTO a fucking BUILDING, OUT OF SIGHT. 
• Shouldn't Balthazar be able to beat Horvatz in a battle, since he has had 1600 years to practice getting better at magic, while Horvatz has been stuck in a doll?
• Dave fixes the radio station by pushing buttons on a scope. 
• Train doesn't stop at train station.
• Undergrad physics student has incredible funding that allows for a secret lair and a bunch of probably expensive techy-Tesla-stuff.
• Evil sorcerers run away from pipsqueak.
• Horvath doesn't use the parasite spell on Dave, so he shouldn't get his power.
• College student radio plays top pop music.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	3.51/5	3.18/5
Martine	!Stayed in the cage with One Republic!

#22 National Treasure

#22 National Treasure

Year: 2004

Director: Jon Turteltaub
MPAA Rating: PG

Epic Co-stars: Jon Voight, Harvey Keitel

Running Time: 131 mins
Cage Time: 90%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 1

Skyler's Review: 

This movie was written by a high school Social Studies teacher that was trying to pique the interest of her students to learn about US History. She was a fan of the Cage and totally in a rage that Nic was not chosen to play the lead in the Da Vinci Code; instead they got Woody from Toy Story, an odd choice. She basically took the identical plot from Dan Brown and adapted it to US History, and National Treasure was born.

I'm not going to discuss all of the plot holes, since there are many and we recorded them below, but the story goes like this:  The Gates family for six generations have been trying to find the long lost National Treasure, because they received a clue: "The secret lies with Charlotte". For six generations, each Gates patriarch has wasted 10-20 years looking for the treasure. What they were each doing for 20 years is beyond my comprehension, because they each made ZERO progress as to what the hell the clue even means.

Enter Nic Cage.

From studying Social Studies and US History, he is about to get RICH!!! (see kids, Soc. Studs. is important, you could get rich; and the hot girl) Nic (Ben Gates) first realizes that Charlotte is the name of a ship and he finds it, leading to another clue!!! This is HUGE progress over the last 6 Gates' hunts. 

Let's rub household chemicals, including citric acid, all over the Declaration of Independence.  What is the worst that could happen? (Nothing bad happens)

When Ben goes to his Dad to show him the great breakthrough, his dad says "Don't waste your time! It will just lead to another clue, and another clue, and another clue..." Ben retorts with "Like, when has that ever happened to you dad, solving a clue, I mean?" His dad's eyes stare off into space; Ben's dad pulls out a sword and says "This is George Washington's actual sword that he carried during the crossing of the Delaware...and I am a failure! (sobbing)" and he falls on the sword.

It doesn't go exactly like that, but close enough.

Basically the rest of the movie involves the curator of the Declaration of Independence being cool with dumping acids on the real, genuine document. The hot chick falls for the comely Nic Cage, and not his more age-appropriate sidekick. But will they find the treasure? You will have to watch the movie to find out! (there is a National Treasure 2, and NT3 has been announced)

Just like real life.

Overall this movie is great for Cage fans that like kooky heist action movies. Plus it's fine for kids of any age.

Fun fact! If you look up "STOW, Declaration of Independence" on yahoo (like Sean Bean does in this movie), the first result actually IS "Liberty Bell" just like it is in the movie. The second result is "National Treasure movie corrections." Interesting. Also, you may recognize Agent Johnson (aka that blond FBI guy) as Jacob from LOST or the Blond Treehorn Thug from the Big Lebowski.

Movie quotability: 1/5

• "A toast. To high treason. That's what these men were committing when they signed the Declaration. Had we lost the war, they would have been hanged, beheaded, drawn and quartered, and- oh! Oh, my personal favorite- had their entrails cut out and *burned*!"
• "She really can't shut her mouth, can she?"
• "You're shouting again."
• "Not cool. Not cool." (while chasing a fleeing Abigail)
• "We need more juice. We need more heat."

Plot Holes:

• Long-lost revolutionary war ship Charlotte is buried under 3 inches of snow. 
• Of any part of the ship, Nic Cage conveniently first uncovers the bell, which has the ship's name on it. (Oh, I guess this is the right long-lost ship, then.)
• Etched message revealed by rolling bloody pipe on paper is way too long to fit on said pipe's circumference.
• Nic Cage's ancestors have had that same damn "secret lies with Charlotte" clue for six generations, but none of them ever moved beyond that first clue despite devoting their entire lives to it. Yet Nic Cage barrels through ALL the clues in one movie. And his dad goes on and on about "this clue will lead to another clue, and another clue" even though he has NEVER SEEN ANOTHER CLUE.
• Gunpowder wouldn't burn, just explode.
• Sean Bean says to run before someone sees the smoke, but they're in the middle of nowhere in the Arctic circle.
• Nic Cage reads whole paragraph of Declaration of Independence in husky, solemn voice without giggling. 
• Nic Cage is wearing John Travolta's outfit from Pulp Fiction. Wait, is that John Travolta??
• You could not raise the temperature in a thermometer that fast, even with a one-watt laser.
• Diane Kruger does not wash her hands all day after opening the pin from Nic Cage. And the residue doesn't rub off on any of the other things she touches between mid-day at the office and evening at the gala.  
• Supposedly professional criminals miss every shot, including one from a meter away with adequate time to aim. 
• They decide not to tie up Abigail, even though she has no reason to not run away.
• "Professional" archivist decides that it is OK to rub lemon juice all over the Declaration of Independence and take a blow drier to it.
• After hours of waiting to get all of the letters to the cipher from the Silent letters, Riley decides to leave before getting the last four letters; even though EVERY time he has made a guess about a clue so far he has been completely wrong.
• They do not sell bottles of water at Urban Outfitters
• Nic Cage easily cuts a brick out of a wall with a pocket knife.
• "Ian has nearly unlimited resources."
• Random Black lady is sassy. No, just kidding. That makes perfect sense.
• Nic Cage is supposed to be really smart, even though everyone knows he's a Scientologist. 
• Nic Cage pops up out of the river, somehow "safe" although he is clearly still within eyesight of the dock (not to mention the helicopter).
• Everyone keeps saying "Heere, spelled with two E's," although "here" has two E's and "heere" actually has three.
• Nic Cage kisses girls with his mouth closed.
• Wooden chandelier does not burn.
• Weak woman saves "thick" grown man from falling into bottomless pit (that was dug by freemasons).
• Ancient stone statue rocks like a piece for Styrofoam when punk kid hugs it.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	3.78/5	3.47/5
Martine	!Tapped out of the Cage!