WE DID IT!

WE DID IT!!!

It was quite the journey. We had a fun time watching the master perform his work. All 66 of them. As promised, we recieved our autographed Nicolas Cage headshots and we even had a cake made with Dr. Cage likeness upon it.

Almost all of us are thrilled to be here.

Not many have what it takes to complete this incredible challenge. We're not necessarily saying that it was easy; it's just that we were raised that if you say you are going to do something, you had better do it.

That is a beautiful looking cake. 

Now that we are at the end and the magic is over, we feel a little sad. Sad that there isn't another obscure avant garde Nicolas Cage work floating around on the internet. We've seen David Lynch, we've seen a TV pilot (with Crispin Glover), we've even seen three movies (not on the list) that Nicolas Cage allegedly appeared in: unaccredited and unseen (We'll post more about these soon).

Watching every Nicolas Cage film really works up an appetite for cake. CAGE CAKE.

Over the course of this year we have reviewed 66 excellent films and are now official Nicolas Cage experts. We have compiled a lot of data regarding the Cinematic and Cageamatic qualities of these films, and we will also post, on this blog, our findings (such as top 10, bottom 10, etc.) If we had to go back in time, we would totally do this again. Now I shudder at the prospect of watching a movie where Nicolas Cage will not appear, not even in spirit. Well done Nicolas Cage; well done us. Not so well done, this guy.

#66 The Croods

#66 The Croods

Year: 2013

Director: Chris Sanders, Kirk DeMicco

MPAA Rating: PG

Epic Co-stars: Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, Catherine Keener

Running Time: 97 mins.
Cage Time: 95%
Cage Kills: 0 
Cage Flip-outs: 2 

James' Review: As the final movie during our year in the Cage I was worried that we would go out with a sappy and toned down Cage, just the opposite of what originally sucked us in.  What I got was a well thought out, visually pleasing adventure starring a quite animated (both visually and auditor-ily (yes I just made that word up)) Dr. Cage.  

Cage worked out a lot for this film.  You can really see it in his chin.

Cage plays Crug Crood, the fearless dad of the last caveman family on earth.  All the other caveman families have been wiped away by the many horrors that lurk in daily neanderthal life.  Cage keeps his family safe with his mantra that rules the Crood family over anything else - Fear Everything and NEVER LEAVE THE CAVE!  His daughter Eep (Emma Stone), being a typical teenage girl, goes against her fathers wishes and sneaks out of the cave to make trouble and meet boys.  This leads to the start of their adventure that eventually forces them away from the safety of their cave and out into the wide world with a hot young cave-boy Guy (Ryan Reynolds).   Guy does something completely novel to the Croods to get by in life: he has ideas.

A group of lovable morons.

Guy and Crug battle for authority while on their adventure, one using his brains looks and  charm and the other using his brute strength and his inability to see a world that he doesn't want to see.  This "stupid cave-man" role leaves plenty of opportunities for Cage to dazzle us with his comedic timing and rapist wit.  The expression in his voice comes through to build Crug Crood from just a crappy drawing of a cave-man to what seems like a living breathing moron that you wish you could have a beer with.  

This is a picture of some cartoon characters gazing into the beautiful eye of Nicolas Cage.

As he has on so many of his previous 65 films, Dr. Cage carries this performance and ultimately all of the other "actors" that surround him.  In the Croods he'll make you laugh and cry.  The tears won't just be due to the top gun acting, but to the fact that after spending an entire year with him week in and week out, there is no more of him left.  Upon starting this expedition, it seemed like an impossible and seemingly endless task to watch every bit of film that Cage has ever been immortalized in. Now that the end is here all I can think is I can't believe it's already over.  This has been the  most important task I've ever accomplished, the best year of my life, and the most spiritually fulfilling thing I've ever done.  Nobody else will ever come close to giving me what Dr. Cage has.  Thought the year may be over, for the rest of my life I'll always be looking forward to the next Nicolas Cage movie.

...But until then who's next?  Lou Diamond Phillips?  Jean Claude Van Damme?

Movie quotability:

• "That's the screen that means we're gonna be watching this." - Henry (upon seeing the 20th century fox logo)
• "Release the Baby"
• "C'mon, c'mon, darkness brings death.  We know this."
• "Wait!  ...okay" x 100
• "Kill Circle!"
• "And I also thought it would kill your mother.  Win Win."
• "Hand me those acting sticks!"
• "I have an I-DE-A."

Plot Holes:

• No plot holes! This probably actually happened.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Outstanding
Shauna
James	4.49/5	4.12/5
Martine	!Made great memories in the CAGE!

#50 Stolen

#50 Stolen

Year: 2012

Director: Simon West

MPAA Rating: R

Epic Co-stars: None.

Running Time: 93 minutes
Cage Time: 90%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 2

James' Review:  Let's just think for a moment about the one film in the last decade that you wished Nic Cage would have been in but wasn't.  Easy answer:  Taken.  Sure Liam Neeson is a total badass, but we all know Nicolas Cage would have an even more particular set of skills and would have found him and killed him just a bit sooner and more fantastically.  This is exactly what I was hoping this movie was, what it should be, but (very) unfortunately is not.  

Stolen was directed Simon West, who also directed Con Air.  Do you see the resemblance?

Cage is Will Montgomery, a master safe picker.  He is a career criminal in a gang of three that specializes in high value, high tech, and high profile bank robberies.  Montgomery needs to pull off one last heist to to build his nest egg to the point where he can retire and finally be the father that his seven year old daughter deserves.  What could go wrong?  Well actually, plenty of stuff and (spoiler alert) it does.  The aftermath involves Cage going to jail for just under a dime, the cute girl getting off scott free, and the ugly crazy guy (Josh Lucas) spiraling down and eventually getting killed in a fire.  Or did he....  (spoiler alert) No, actually he didn't.  He faked his death and  is totally pissed at Cage.  He wants his cut of the money from the heist and will take Cage's daughter and eventually kill her if he doesn't get it.  She is STOLEN!!!

Nic Cage plays a homeless man that sleeps on the street.  The sidewalk is his pillow...

Nic Cage has only one option: reunite with the Hot Chick and rob another bank to get enough ransom money.  The rest of the movie from here is the creepy ugly guy driving around talking on his cellphone, Cage's daughter spending a lot of time in a trunk, and Nic Cage being much less badass than Liam Neeson was until the end of course. 

Best. Most Mediocre. Movie. Ever.

Movie quotability:

• "Oh my god. You shot me."
• "I left the money. I have to get the money."
• "I'm not the squirrel playing with his nuts here."
• "I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
• "Who dat?"

Plot Holes:

• Nicolas Cage is way too tech savvy to have been in lockup for 8 years.
• Nicolas Cage walks away from a ridiculous car wreck that kills 2 FBI agents and runs away.
• Nicolas Cage is only knee deep in water, yet we see the taxi sink hundreds of feet.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Acceptable	Poor
Shauna
James	3.09/5.00	1.59/5.00
Martine	!Pissed that 90 minutes of her life was STOLEN in the CAGE!

What's next for the Cage?

If you aren't super-pumped to see Nic Cage in the theaters soon, I'm assuming it's because you don't know what's in store. Let's take a look at some of the gems coming our way.

FROZEN GROUND (2012)

15 years after Con Air, the Cage is once again teaming up with John Cusack--this time with a bit of a role reversal. Cusack will play serial killer Robert Hanson, while Cage will capture hearts and minds as the Alaskan State Trooper that pursues Hanson. The film is based on the true story of the "Butcher Baker," who picked up prostitutes and strippers, flew them into the Alaskan wilderness, raped and assaulted them before setting them loose in the woods so he could hunt them down and shoot them with a rifle. Yeesh. Also, I can't believe they haven't made this movie already! These kinds of senseless crimes are Hollywood gold! The film is currently in post-production and will also star 50-Cent as a pimp (very creative), and Vanessa Hudgens as an escaped victim (no comment).

Looking forward to: I think Cusack has real potential to be superbly creepy as an under-the-radar psycho, and you know I love Cage in the Righteous Pursuit of Truth in the Face of All Obstacles.

THE CROODS (2013)

Due to be released on March 22, 2013, The Croods may very well be the last movie we watch IN THE CAGE; our year ends just one week later. Cage plays a caveman living in the "previously undiscovered" Croodacious period with a conservative (dare we say "caveman") sensibility. He butts heads with a young, new hotshot who challenges his traditional ways with forward-thinking inventions like fire, and who wants to bone Cage's daughter. Will the two ever see eye to eye? Is there some valuable life lesson they can take from one another? Will they team up to save the whole family from a life-threatening situation/ turquoise tiger/ volcano? (For answer, see every other cartoon made, ever.) Other voice talents include Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, and Cloris Leachman.

Looking forward to: Cage's signature awesomeness, shining through... or a postponed release date.

FRANK OR FRANCIS (2013)

Frank or Francis is a Charlie Kaufman project still in the rumor mill stage (funding issues, rumor has it), but with a full--apparently wild--script and a number of stellar cast members signed on, including our own Mr. Cage. A musical comedy, Frank or Francis skewers contemporary film society... among other things. The discussions of the film so far are nearly as abstruse as Kaufman's films to date, but chances are, it will be something to see, if and when it is finally completed. Other big names include: Steve Carrell, Jack Black, Elizabeth Banks, and Kevin Kline. 

Looking forward to: Nicolas Cage in a musical number (hopefully)!

NATIONAL TREASURE 3 (N/A)

Need I say more? No.

Looking forward to: More sanctimonious speeches, querulous eyebrows, hilariously improbable secret messages on the backsides of historical artifacts, treasures hidden under monuments, etc.

WILD SIDE (N/A)

It was just announced yesterday that Nic Cage would star alongside Johnny Knoxville and newcomer Juno Temple (of the upcoming Dark Knight) in the upcoming film Wild Side. Cage's thief/murderer and "self-described wolf" Odel will pursue Temple's beauty-queen Lila Belle Clyde as she flees New Orleans in possession of Odel's stolen diamonds, while both avoid local law enforcement. This sounds like a role Cage can really sink his teeth into (pun intended). We'll see if "actor" Johnny Knoxville can hold his own in the Cage.

Looking forward to: As Scott Harris of NextMovie writes, "Let's hope director Jesse Baget has a great set director, because Cage is about to chew more scenery than a diplodocus."


Which movie are you looking forward to the most?