#3 Ghost Rider

#3 Ghost Rider
Year: 2007
Director: Mark Steven Johnson
MPAA Rating: PG-13 
Epic Co-stars: Sam Elliot, Satan
Running Time: 114 mins
Cage Time: ~62%
Cage Kills: 14
Cage Flip-outs: 1
Skyler's Review: As a Nic Cage fan, it seems that I was not the correct audience for this film. I'm not 13 anymore. The moment Cage takes the screen, it is obvious that he is being forced to give a muted performance by Mark Steven Johnson to make Cage's character more relatable to the young, shy thirteen-year old viewer. However, it was nice to see Nic shine though with a full range of facial expression early in the film. Laughing at monkeys, angst about the past/future, anger, sadness, despair, regret. It was just a shame to watch so many wasted opportunities for some real Cage gold. 

To tailor this film to the target 13-year-old audience, Roxy's tops always show cleavage. Always. The rest is much what you would expect: Johnny sells his soul to the devil and regrets it, demons wreak havoc, bad guys die, cops are inept.  Ghost Rider fights a watery demon underwater and Ghost Rider's Stare of Penance makes bad guys scream and die.

 This is really all a 13-year old boy wants to see in a movie.
"I relate to the fire-face
because of my acne."
"Eva Mendes had really
nice clothes in the movie."
We counted only one real Cage flip-out over the course of the film, yet we counted at least ten great set-ups, only to be let down. I mean, c'mon. Nicolas Cage turns into a skull-headed fire demon that drives a fiery motorcycle. How could this go wrong? I was truly excited with anticipation to hear Cage's voice acting as a fire monster going in to this movie, but the Ghost Rider's voice sounds nothing like Nicolas Cage. It wasn't James Earl Jones either, which I would have been OK with, it was just terrible.

"But he was possessed by evil, he was supposed to be unrecognizable as Johnny Blaze!" you say. Well if that is the case, how is it that the police arrest Johnny with absolutely no evidence of his involvement in burning up the town? There was only one eyewitness and she describes him has having a fire skull head that looks sexy. That is not much to go on. "You're under arrest, Johnny. You may not have a fire skull head, but you sure look sexy. It must have been you." Seriously?

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more fiery and more on-my-hand."
Honestly, this film would have made a better video game. There are sub-bosses with a final boss. The rest would be cut-scenes of Roxy (Eva Mendes). Johnny could eat jellybeans as power ups.

My final word to you, Hollywood, is if you cast Nic Cage in a film, you had better not force him to underact. It disgusts me.

Movie quotability: 0/5
  • "You touch those Carpenters or that chimp video again, we got a scrap on our hands!"
  • "Thanks, I feel much better now that I know I'm the devil's bounty hunter."

Plot Holes:
  • After his dad ate shit and laid dying on the ramp in the circus tent (while the crowd filed out of the stadium) everyone just sweeps up while his son Johnny watches him die.
  • After stopping the news van in the middle road, Johnny never moves his motorcycle yet the van drives away, UNIMPEDED!
  • Johnny Blaze is arrested for no good god-damned reason and everyone seems to know he is the Ghost Rider when there is absolutely no evidence.
  • 75% of the conversations in this movie have no basis and make no sense what-so-ever.


CAGEamatic
Cinematic
Skyler
Dreadful
Troll
Shauna
James
1.3/5
0.6/5
Martine
!Enjoyed her Kindle in the CAGE!

1 comment:

Steve M said...

Whatever you do, do not pull the helmet off someone who has just crashed unless you are a paramedic! If you do remove the helmet you shouldn't slap the person to bring them around as that could kill them too (unless they have sold their soul to the devil).

The evidence linking Johnny to carnage is the cops finding the burnt up license plate from his bike.

I'll have to agree with the rest of the review. Why does Sam Elliot keep his voice as a ghost rider but Cage doesn't? When they ride out together at the end of the movie why does Sam Elliot disappear without a fight? What this movie really needed was Sam Elliot kicking some ass.

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