#11 Trapped in Paradise


#11 Trapped in Paradise

Year: 1994
Director: George Gallo
MPAA Rating:  PG-13 
Epic Co-stars: Jon Lovitz, Dana Carvey
Running Time: 111 mins.
Cage Time: ~95%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 8
Skyler's Review: You may think that a lighthearted Christmas comedy starring Nic Cage can only be great, a must see, even. This was my original thinking, too. However, now I am fully aware that there are really only three reasons to put this movie on your television:
  1. You are trying to complete the A Year In the Cage challenge. 
  2. You actually want to go to the park, but you can't quite get up the motivation.
  3. You hate yourself.
For me, it was the first one. Although, by the end it may have been the third one. The feeling that I had during the movie was similar to how I felt toward the end of the Lord of the Rings: this movie is good, but why is it so, so long? Except this movie isn't good. 

This picture, right-to-left was like the movie. Off to an OK start, exudes excellence in the middle, and (like Dana Carvey's career) goes on far too long in the end.

This isn't to say that this movie didn't have some funny moments. Nicolas Cage delivers an impeccable performance that is funny and nuanced. Juxtapose this with Dana Carvey's performance which was on par with his usual caliber, i.e. awful. If you are deciding to watch this film, and you want to finish it (so, you are not watching for reason #2), don't make the dreadful mistake that we did. Hide all of your clocks, remove your watch, disable any alarms. Our mistake was that when the movie felt like it was about over, a member of our group needed to go to the toilet. In keeping with the rules of A Year in the Cage, we paused the movie...revealing the actual time remaining in the movie: 45 minutes! (gasp) Shear willpower kept us going. It was like living out the scene from A Clockwork Orange.


Please, Dana; look into my shades, and Never. (point fingers into air suddenly) Speak. (open hands violently) Again. (throw arms down quickly)

OK so now you know how I feel about the film, let's go over the premise of this movie. Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey are getting paroled from jail, and straight-shooting Nic Cage has to pick them up. Cage knows that his brothers are up to no good and will have some sort of plan to rob or steal something. They trick Nic into driving them over state lines (parole violation) to rob a bank in the small town of Paradise, PA. Jon says some funny stuff about yoga, Nic flips out in a funny way, and Dana acts like an idiot. The three rob the bank and fix to leave, when (would you believe it!!!) they get trapped there due to snow. Jon talks about leaving, Nic talks about his moral compass, and Dana talks like a moron. Things happen; none of it really believable. People in the movie seem to like Dana Carvey's character. To make the movie more fun to watch, try predicting what is about to happen. The fun part is that you are always right; except Dana Carvey's character lives.


Movie quotability 1/5:
  • "Yeeeeessss, I wanted to talk to her."
  • "Edna?  Are we sleeping together?  I don't think so, you call me Mrs. Firpo!"
  • "Oh my god a GUUUNNN!"
  • "Why don't you let me do the crackin' and you do the jackin'"
  • "But I swear we ain't the same people we were this morning."

Plot Holes:
  • Everything about Dana Carvey's character.
  • Local police have a gymnasium full of maps and charts within a couple hours of the robbery.
  • Three idiot brothers walk away unharmed from what would otherwise be a fatal car accident.
  • Dumbest bank manager/manager's wife don't recognize three strangers with very distinct voices.
  • A relatively still stream suddenly turns into a waterfall the second someone falls out of the boat.
  • A horse pulling a sleigh can travel up the freeway at the same speed as a car.
  • Morons think they need to put the money back in the vault rather than placing it right outside the door... or anywhere else in or near the fucking bank! 

CAGEamatic
Cinematic
Skyler
Outstanding
Dreadful
Shauna
James
3.62/5
1.7/5
Martine
!Trapped in the Cage!

2 comments:

Steve M said...

Enough life has been wasted, let's keep this short and sweet and just add to the holes.

Cops all wear gas masks when busting into the banker's house, but no one inside without a mask is the least bit bothered by the smoke/gas.

The morning after the snow storm the city streets are bare and dry.

joshed said...

I still love this movie. This is probably because I was 12 when I first saw it.

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