#4 Con Air


#4 Con Air
Year: 1997
Director: Simon West
MPAA Rating: R 
Epic Co-stars: John Malkovitch, Steve Buscemi, Dave Chapelle
Running Time: 115 mins
Cage Time: ~80%
Cage Kills: 6
Cage Flip-outs: 1
Martine's Review:  This movie was good enough for me to stay in the cage without too much fuss. Cage's hair was totally gross and was a super turn-off until I saw him in those 90's style tight jeans and the even tighter wife-beater tucked into them. Just seeing those oiled and powerful arms brought be right back to 11th grade when I used to stay up late in my room with a flashlight reading issues with Teen and Seventeen magazine finding every Nic Cage photo I could and hiding them under my pillow.  I found myself fantasizing that I was "Baby-O" and that Nic was risking his life to save me.  In my version instead of a shot of insulin from Nic, I got a HUGE shot of vitamin-C(age) which healed me in every way possible.

Totally gross prison hair :(
Totally sexy prison body :)
So what is Con Air? Well, you have a plane full of antisocial and sociopathic criminals who act accordingly, one stereotypically gay inmate, and a lot of disrespect for authority! Like every good action movie, you have an inmate threatening then attempting to rape a female guard, several people are shot to death, an arm is severed from a body, and a body is thrown from a plane. Pretty standard stuff. Crude terms for a woman's vagina were used to belittle men, classic.

I did appreciate Nic's over-protection of the stuffed bunny in the film. In my mind, the bunny represented my teenage innocence: sometimes it was taken out of the box, and maybe it got a little sewer water on it, but Cage was there to clean it off and protect its existence at all cost. In general, the theme of the film is the lament of lost youth; and the understanding that you can stand by in regret or take action now and keep whatever honor and youth you have left. The end is an ad for Las Vegas, a city known for regret. I just wish that Nicolas took his shirt off.

Movie quotability:
  • "I like my black cherry jello"
  • "I said.  Put the bunny. Back in the box."
  • "Why couldn't you put the bunny back in the box?"
  • "Hoo-ray for the sounds of fucking silence."
  • "What'd you think I'm gonna do?  I'm gonna save the fuckin' day."
  • "It's not exactly Mai Tais and Yahtzee out here.  Let's do it!"

Plot Holes:
  • US Marshal Vince Larkin is able to drive away in the totally badass Corvette that isn't his, just because he feels like it.
  • SPOILER:  Strange rock crusher is hanging out on Freemont St. seemingly just to crush Malkovitch's head.


CAGEamatic
Cinematic
Skyler
Acceptable
Acceptable 
Shauna
James
2.89/5
2.89/5
Martine
!Stayed in the Cage!

2 comments:

Shauna Weaver said...

Gee, Martine... I guess it's true what they say about married couples. You sure are starting to sound a lot like James... and Skyler, actually. Hmm.

Steve M said...

Hey, I think we need more Martine reviews, that was a great review! And for the first time I feel like the plot holes listed are all correct and reasonable. At the end of the movie we find out that Larkin has the keys to the Corvette which would imply that they were left in the ignition. Yah, right.

I really enjoyed Cage's portrayal of a good ol' boy from Alabama and his accent seemed dead on to someone who's never set foot in Alabama. He showed remarkable restraint to the point where when he finally does go ape on the cons you feel relief that finally he can let his hair down and have some fun.

The whole cast is star studded to the point where the acting is superb for the most part. The only scene that bothered me was when they were in the Apache helicopters and having a verbal fight over "shoot" and "don't shoot" as if the pilots take orders on gunning down airplanes from what ever foamy mouthed idiot happens to be in the cockpit with them. I felt the whole scene was too far fetched and the acting seemed to mirror the poor CG work.

An additional plot hole would be the whole no guns on the plan deal then when something happens the co-pilot's job is to run aft and shoot it out rather than keeping seated and using it to mow down anyone trying to gain access to the cockpit. As if that wasn't bad enough, we've got assault rifles and grenade launchers easily accessible in the belly of a prisoner transport plane because... uhm, the script said to put them there?

It also bugged me that in one case a con handcuffed to an airplane has his arm torn off at the shoulder by a crash landing, but minutes later Malkovitch hurdles through the air after being handcuffed to the ladder truck. Sure, the rail of the ladder truck that he was cuffed to could have broken, letting him fly, but trying to convince us of that just a few minutes after trying to convince us that an arm could be torn off just seems like bad script writing to me.

All in all I think the actors did a great job and the movie was entertaining, though probably not something you'd sit down and watch with the kids.

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