#51 The Ant Bully

#51 The Ant Bully

Year: 2006

Director: John A. Davis

MPAA Rating: PG

Epic Co-stars: Bruce Campbell, Paul Giamatti

Running Time: 88 minutes
Cage Time: 30%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 1

Skyler's Review: 

In the Ant Bully, Nic Cage plays a sarcastic ant sorcerer named Zoc. That is trying desperately to brew a potion of Reduce Person. You see, there is a kid out there that likes to mess with the ants' nice little civilization, usually in the form of squirt gun. The ants call the kid, "Peanut the Destroyer." Zoc wants to give the potion to the kid so that he will be easy to kill.

Zoc, a wizard ant who wishes to use his magic to go the greater good for the colony.

The Julia Roberts ant says "No! We can rehabilitate!" They let Peanut try to join the community, but his attitude is terrible. Not surprisingly, the kid learns the way of the ants and they grow to respect each other. Danger happens, then they overcome it together. In the end, Zoc makes an Enlarge Person potion to return Peanut to his family with a new found respect for insects.

Nicolas Cage has been known to play a wizard role

The plot is so trivial, that we had guessed the plot completely before the title credits were through. Also, the humans in this movie were super uncanny. All in all, the movie made us laugh in parts, and Nicolas Cage as a wizard ant shows that his talent knows no bounds.

Movie quotability:

• "Away, monster, or I will use my powers to destroy you... powers that I have yet to perfect."
• "It's Peanut, the Destroyer!"
• "No, wait! We are not mindless savages! We should study the human... and then eat him!"
• Nic: "Curse you, rock! A curse upon your children!" JR: "I don't think rocks have children." Nic: "Well, they won't NOW." 
• "Oh, something HAHAHA, I was worried it was NOTHING!"
• "Will you quit eating, fatso?! It's crowded in here! We need more room!"
• "Zok! How did you get in here?" "Well, I sure didn't get in through the REAR entrance."
• "Uh, definitely NOT, thank you." (you have to imagine Nic Cage saying that)
• "Calling a human a friend... I always thought that was impossible until I met you."

Plot Holes:

• Most of this movie was iron clad, but at the end they really blow it. Why go to all the trouble of shrinking the exterminator when they could just un-shrink the kid?

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Acceptable
Shauna
James	3.02/5	2.50/5
Martine	!Stayed in the Cage!

#28 The Sorcerer's Apprentice

#28 The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Year: 2010

Director: Jon Turteltaub
MPAA Rating: PG

Epic Co-stars: Alfred Molina

Running Time: 109 mins
Cage Time: 80%
Cage Kills: 0? Really?
Cage Flip-outs: 0

Shauna's Review: 

At first glance, this movie may seem like an epic let-down for fans of The Cage. No flip outs, no kills--in fact, an oddly calm and self-possessed Cage who never lets an f-bomb fly. However, consider the true depth of Mr Cage's investment   in each and every role, including this one as a steampunk reinvention of a cartoon wizard. Also his devotion to the principles of Nouveau Shamanism, which, let's face it, uniquely qualifies him to become a wizard of the highest caliber in any film, Disney or otherwise. 

Nicolas Cage as the greatest wizards of film. Gandalf, Dumbledore, and Balthazar.

In case you found the fact that they have the same damn title to be an insufficient clue (not naming names, you know who you are), this movie is loosely based on the Fantasia piece of the same name, which was in turn inspired by and set to the musical piece of the same name. If you need a refresher, Mickey gets a bit power-mad and floods his master's man-cave while attempting to use magic to do his chores. Although it seems to last indefinitely, it actually only goes on for 10 minutes, so obviously they needed to expand upon the story line somewhat to stretch this premise to 109 minutes. 

The resemblance is clear, I think.

Mean, mouse-spanking Wizard is reinvented as a kindly but sarcastically awesome Balthazar (Nicolas Cage), complete with semi-historical wardrobe and what I can only assume is real magic. In AD 740, Nic Cage's girlfriend is possessed by the evil Morgana, so he traps her and various other malevolent wizards in a Russian nesting doll set until he can find the Prime Merlinian, Merlin's successor. [Yes, we did spend most of the movie wondering why the kid would be called the Prime Meridian.] Of course this turns out to be some obnoxious kid who gets more screen time than Nic Cage, much to the movie's detriment. Balthazar mentors Kid (the titular "apprentice") who can then for some reason defeat Morgana and assorted baddies despite being unable to control a mop. [Yes, they recreate the original premise in what is undoubtedly the worst scene in the movie. Best to leave these things in the twentieth century, folks.] Nevertheless, Nic Cage does get to drive several very fast/ expensive cars, which seems to be his main prerequisite before agreeing to any (every) project. 

Witness the power of the Nouveau Shaman!

The trailer makes it look like part of the Batman franchise, but it shares a director (Turteltaub) and producer (Bruckheimer) with National Treasure, and the similarities can be seen in the film's humor and tone. As someone with juvenile taste in movies (or what I like to think of as "a childlike sense of wonder"), I enjoyed both. Nic Cage seems to get a kick out of playing this wry, laconic, determinedly optimistic sorcerer and mentor. I mean, he gets to wear a leather fedora and a badass cloak, so I think the appeal is pretty straightforward. This movie won't make the top 10 or the best quotes list, but it's amusing to watch-- easy without being simple. 

Movie quotability:

• Dave: "How'd you know my name was Dave?" Balthazar:  "Because I CAN READ MINDS! ... It's on your backpack."
• Dave: "These are old man shoes." Balthazar: "Excuse me."
• "What ever happened to 'don't touch anything'?"
• "I had a dream. You were insulting me, Dave. Repeatedly."
• Skyler: "'Hey, Nic Cage, do you want to drive a badass car?' 'Yes, what do I have to do?' 'You're a sorcerer.' 'I don't give a shit.'" 
• James: "This movie is actually pretty good."

Plot Holes:

• Somehow elementary school teacher finds Dave after he wanders many blocks away in NYC, down side alleys and INTO a fucking BUILDING, OUT OF SIGHT. 
• Shouldn't Balthazar be able to beat Horvatz in a battle, since he has had 1600 years to practice getting better at magic, while Horvatz has been stuck in a doll?
• Dave fixes the radio station by pushing buttons on a scope. 
• Train doesn't stop at train station.
• Undergrad physics student has incredible funding that allows for a secret lair and a bunch of probably expensive techy-Tesla-stuff.
• Evil sorcerers run away from pipsqueak.
• Horvath doesn't use the parasite spell on Dave, so he shouldn't get his power.
• College student radio plays top pop music.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	3.51/5	3.18/5
Martine	!Stayed in the cage with One Republic!

#17 The Wicker Man

#17 The Wicker Man

Year: 2006

Director: Neil LaBute

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: 

Running Time: 102 mins.
Cage Time: 98%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

Skyler's Review: To be completely honest, I was not really looking forward to watching The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage. I mean, I was and I wasn't. Like any other person that claims to know anything at all about Nic Cage, I've seen the highlights reel to the Wicker Man. If this is your first time investigating Cage's work here is the video: (FYI, spoilers!)

So I knew that there would be at least 2:08 of over-the-top-dramatic thriller in store for me, but from what I had read in the YouTube comments I was worried about the other 1:43:52. Everyone was saying that the first 90 minutes drags on; and makes the last bit of the movie not even worth it. I wholeheartedly disagree. Maybe I'm in the 27% of people on rottentomatoes.com that actually liked it, but 75% of our group really liked it. 100% of us were engaged the entire movie.

Not the bees!

So here is the plot: an over-righteous, arrogant, Jimmy Stewarty police detective (Cage) ends up investigating the kidnapping, or possible murder, of a little girl in a isolated island community. There seems to be only women on this island, so having this masculine man in a suit on the island snooping around like he owns the place makes you feel awkward; Cage's character can't seem to read their culture and behave appropriately. (It is this "I'm a man, I do/say what I want" kind of attitude that kept us entertained during the film) As the detective is investigating, and interfering with all of the island's daily affairs, it becomes apparent that there may be some kind of cover-up going on and that the child was sacrificed in some sort of ancient druid ritual. Every time he uncovers another clue, the community becomes even less forthcoming, and they try to scare him into leaving them alone; this all leads to an exciting conclusion.

"What's in the bag, a shark or something?"

Overall, we felt that this movie has been highly underrated. If you like Nicolas Cage, you will like this film. We have been quoting to each other nonstop since viewing. You must go into the movie knowing that it is intentionally overly dramatic and over-the-top to the point of comedy. But then again, that is the mindset you evoke when entering any Nicolas Cage masterpiece. Nicolas Cage, well done sir, bravo!

Movie quotability:

• "What's in the bag, a shark or something?"
• "I'm a policeman, see my badge?"
• "You little liars." (to a room full of children)
• "Perhaps it is time for you to stop bullshitting me, okay?"
• "How'd it get burned!?  How'd it get burned?  How'd it get burned!? How'd it get burned!?"
• "You have my permission to stay out of my fucking way!"
• "Killing me won't bring back your god-damned honey!!"
• "What is it?  What is it?  Ohhhh Nooo, not the bees!!"

Plot Holes:

• Man refuses to fly Malus to the secret island based on principle but gives in for a measly 100 bucks.
• Malus thinks someone may be trapped in the canvas bag that is dripping blood. They tell him to look in the bag and he flinches; decides to not look.
• Supposedly Malus is a great detective but he doesn't connect the many, many hints that the kid is his.
• Flashlight works perfectly underwater.
• Mr. Malus desperately tries to wake up an obviously decomposing body.
• Strange ritual conveniently has one full body bear costume that allows Nic Cage to infiltrate.
• With two broken femers, Nic Cage still respons coherently to each new bizarre event.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.95/5	4.99/5
Martine	!Pissed that she stayed in the Cage!

What's next for the Cage?

If you aren't super-pumped to see Nic Cage in the theaters soon, I'm assuming it's because you don't know what's in store. Let's take a look at some of the gems coming our way.

FROZEN GROUND (2012)

15 years after Con Air, the Cage is once again teaming up with John Cusack--this time with a bit of a role reversal. Cusack will play serial killer Robert Hanson, while Cage will capture hearts and minds as the Alaskan State Trooper that pursues Hanson. The film is based on the true story of the "Butcher Baker," who picked up prostitutes and strippers, flew them into the Alaskan wilderness, raped and assaulted them before setting them loose in the woods so he could hunt them down and shoot them with a rifle. Yeesh. Also, I can't believe they haven't made this movie already! These kinds of senseless crimes are Hollywood gold! The film is currently in post-production and will also star 50-Cent as a pimp (very creative), and Vanessa Hudgens as an escaped victim (no comment).

Looking forward to: I think Cusack has real potential to be superbly creepy as an under-the-radar psycho, and you know I love Cage in the Righteous Pursuit of Truth in the Face of All Obstacles.

THE CROODS (2013)

Due to be released on March 22, 2013, The Croods may very well be the last movie we watch IN THE CAGE; our year ends just one week later. Cage plays a caveman living in the "previously undiscovered" Croodacious period with a conservative (dare we say "caveman") sensibility. He butts heads with a young, new hotshot who challenges his traditional ways with forward-thinking inventions like fire, and who wants to bone Cage's daughter. Will the two ever see eye to eye? Is there some valuable life lesson they can take from one another? Will they team up to save the whole family from a life-threatening situation/ turquoise tiger/ volcano? (For answer, see every other cartoon made, ever.) Other voice talents include Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, and Cloris Leachman.

Looking forward to: Cage's signature awesomeness, shining through... or a postponed release date.

FRANK OR FRANCIS (2013)

Frank or Francis is a Charlie Kaufman project still in the rumor mill stage (funding issues, rumor has it), but with a full--apparently wild--script and a number of stellar cast members signed on, including our own Mr. Cage. A musical comedy, Frank or Francis skewers contemporary film society... among other things. The discussions of the film so far are nearly as abstruse as Kaufman's films to date, but chances are, it will be something to see, if and when it is finally completed. Other big names include: Steve Carrell, Jack Black, Elizabeth Banks, and Kevin Kline. 

Looking forward to: Nicolas Cage in a musical number (hopefully)!

NATIONAL TREASURE 3 (N/A)

Need I say more? No.

Looking forward to: More sanctimonious speeches, querulous eyebrows, hilariously improbable secret messages on the backsides of historical artifacts, treasures hidden under monuments, etc.

WILD SIDE (N/A)

It was just announced yesterday that Nic Cage would star alongside Johnny Knoxville and newcomer Juno Temple (of the upcoming Dark Knight) in the upcoming film Wild Side. Cage's thief/murderer and "self-described wolf" Odel will pursue Temple's beauty-queen Lila Belle Clyde as she flees New Orleans in possession of Odel's stolen diamonds, while both avoid local law enforcement. This sounds like a role Cage can really sink his teeth into (pun intended). We'll see if "actor" Johnny Knoxville can hold his own in the Cage.

Looking forward to: As Scott Harris of NextMovie writes, "Let's hope director Jesse Baget has a great set director, because Cage is about to chew more scenery than a diplodocus."


Which movie are you looking forward to the most?