#17 The Wicker Man

#17 The Wicker Man

Year: 2006

Director: Neil LaBute

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: 

Running Time: 102 mins.
Cage Time: 98%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

Skyler's Review: To be completely honest, I was not really looking forward to watching The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage. I mean, I was and I wasn't. Like any other person that claims to know anything at all about Nic Cage, I've seen the highlights reel to the Wicker Man. If this is your first time investigating Cage's work here is the video: (FYI, spoilers!)

So I knew that there would be at least 2:08 of over-the-top-dramatic thriller in store for me, but from what I had read in the YouTube comments I was worried about the other 1:43:52. Everyone was saying that the first 90 minutes drags on; and makes the last bit of the movie not even worth it. I wholeheartedly disagree. Maybe I'm in the 27% of people on rottentomatoes.com that actually liked it, but 75% of our group really liked it. 100% of us were engaged the entire movie.

Not the bees!

So here is the plot: an over-righteous, arrogant, Jimmy Stewarty police detective (Cage) ends up investigating the kidnapping, or possible murder, of a little girl in a isolated island community. There seems to be only women on this island, so having this masculine man in a suit on the island snooping around like he owns the place makes you feel awkward; Cage's character can't seem to read their culture and behave appropriately. (It is this "I'm a man, I do/say what I want" kind of attitude that kept us entertained during the film) As the detective is investigating, and interfering with all of the island's daily affairs, it becomes apparent that there may be some kind of cover-up going on and that the child was sacrificed in some sort of ancient druid ritual. Every time he uncovers another clue, the community becomes even less forthcoming, and they try to scare him into leaving them alone; this all leads to an exciting conclusion.

"What's in the bag, a shark or something?"

Overall, we felt that this movie has been highly underrated. If you like Nicolas Cage, you will like this film. We have been quoting to each other nonstop since viewing. You must go into the movie knowing that it is intentionally overly dramatic and over-the-top to the point of comedy. But then again, that is the mindset you evoke when entering any Nicolas Cage masterpiece. Nicolas Cage, well done sir, bravo!

Movie quotability:

• "What's in the bag, a shark or something?"
• "I'm a policeman, see my badge?"
• "You little liars." (to a room full of children)
• "Perhaps it is time for you to stop bullshitting me, okay?"
• "How'd it get burned!?  How'd it get burned?  How'd it get burned!? How'd it get burned!?"
• "You have my permission to stay out of my fucking way!"
• "Killing me won't bring back your god-damned honey!!"
• "What is it?  What is it?  Ohhhh Nooo, not the bees!!"

Plot Holes:

• Man refuses to fly Malus to the secret island based on principle but gives in for a measly 100 bucks.
• Malus thinks someone may be trapped in the canvas bag that is dripping blood. They tell him to look in the bag and he flinches; decides to not look.
• Supposedly Malus is a great detective but he doesn't connect the many, many hints that the kid is his.
• Flashlight works perfectly underwater.
• Mr. Malus desperately tries to wake up an obviously decomposing body.
• Strange ritual conveniently has one full body bear costume that allows Nic Cage to infiltrate.
• With two broken femers, Nic Cage still respons coherently to each new bizarre event.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.95/5	4.99/5
Martine	!Pissed that she stayed in the Cage!

#10 Knowing

#10 Knowing

Year: 2009

Director: Alex Proyas

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: None

Running Time: 121 mins.
Cage Time: ~95%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 5

James' Review:  As the movie opens Cage plays a genius professor and loving single father, but over the next two hours this character slowly transforms into the half cocked, moderately insane, and partially psychotic person that is in every great Cage character.  The fun begins when Cage receivers a page full of rambling numbers that has recently been unearthed from a time capsule at his sons school.  He applies his genius to this page and can suddenly predict every major natural disaster including the biggest/worst one ever that is coincidentally coming in rather short period of time.  

Nouveau Shamonic + Total Destruction = Classic cage goodness.

In addition to a decently solid Nouveau Shamanic performance, Knowing contains several pretty awesome action / destruction sequences.  One of which has an impressive series of helpless people suffering as they burn to death.  In the end, the plot-line goes a bit flat as it tires  (and fails) to tie up some loose ends, but this is all forgiven with the onset of one of the coolest end-of-days sequences I've seen in quite a long time.  

Even Nic Cage himself is shocked by the beauty of his own hair in this film.

In addition to the epic destruction, Nic Cage's hair borderlines on perfection during almost every second of the film.  Sporting one of the deepest, most puffy hairlines in all of show business,  his hair often resembles a beautiful and majestic bird with light weightless feathers.  This hair, coupled with some of the most intensely concerned facial expression around, allows Nicolas Cage to easily be mistaken for a god on the big screen.  But after several minutes of reflection one will come to the realization that this is not a case of mistaken identity, that your eyes haven't deceived you, that Nicolas Cage TRULY IS GOD.

Movie quotability: 2/5

• "I think that shit just happens.  But that's just me..."
• "You stay away from us you hear?  You want some of this?" (hits tree with bat)
• "How am I supposed to stop the end of the world" (Diana gasps...

Plot Holes:

• Kid decides his hearing aid sucks and can suddenly hear without having his hearing aid in.  (Nonsense disability)
• Supposedly "good mom" puts her daughter in the front seat of her car and races away like a maniac in her Mazda 3.  Leaves children in car multiple times.
• "micro-teslas" are not a unit of solar radiation.  And even if it was, it'd be totally insignificant to any other  magnetic field in our daily lives.
• A pay phone still exists in a gas station parking lot, and the 9 year old carries plenty of change.
• Black rocks?  WTF?

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Poor
Shauna
James	3.71/5	3.29/5
Martine	!Stayed in the Cage!