#17 The Wicker Man

#17 The Wicker Man

Year: 2006

Director: Neil LaBute

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: 

Running Time: 102 mins.
Cage Time: 98%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

Skyler's Review: To be completely honest, I was not really looking forward to watching The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage. I mean, I was and I wasn't. Like any other person that claims to know anything at all about Nic Cage, I've seen the highlights reel to the Wicker Man. If this is your first time investigating Cage's work here is the video: (FYI, spoilers!)

So I knew that there would be at least 2:08 of over-the-top-dramatic thriller in store for me, but from what I had read in the YouTube comments I was worried about the other 1:43:52. Everyone was saying that the first 90 minutes drags on; and makes the last bit of the movie not even worth it. I wholeheartedly disagree. Maybe I'm in the 27% of people on rottentomatoes.com that actually liked it, but 75% of our group really liked it. 100% of us were engaged the entire movie.

Not the bees!

So here is the plot: an over-righteous, arrogant, Jimmy Stewarty police detective (Cage) ends up investigating the kidnapping, or possible murder, of a little girl in a isolated island community. There seems to be only women on this island, so having this masculine man in a suit on the island snooping around like he owns the place makes you feel awkward; Cage's character can't seem to read their culture and behave appropriately. (It is this "I'm a man, I do/say what I want" kind of attitude that kept us entertained during the film) As the detective is investigating, and interfering with all of the island's daily affairs, it becomes apparent that there may be some kind of cover-up going on and that the child was sacrificed in some sort of ancient druid ritual. Every time he uncovers another clue, the community becomes even less forthcoming, and they try to scare him into leaving them alone; this all leads to an exciting conclusion.

"What's in the bag, a shark or something?"

Overall, we felt that this movie has been highly underrated. If you like Nicolas Cage, you will like this film. We have been quoting to each other nonstop since viewing. You must go into the movie knowing that it is intentionally overly dramatic and over-the-top to the point of comedy. But then again, that is the mindset you evoke when entering any Nicolas Cage masterpiece. Nicolas Cage, well done sir, bravo!

Movie quotability:

• "What's in the bag, a shark or something?"
• "I'm a policeman, see my badge?"
• "You little liars." (to a room full of children)
• "Perhaps it is time for you to stop bullshitting me, okay?"
• "How'd it get burned!?  How'd it get burned?  How'd it get burned!? How'd it get burned!?"
• "You have my permission to stay out of my fucking way!"
• "Killing me won't bring back your god-damned honey!!"
• "What is it?  What is it?  Ohhhh Nooo, not the bees!!"

Plot Holes:

• Man refuses to fly Malus to the secret island based on principle but gives in for a measly 100 bucks.
• Malus thinks someone may be trapped in the canvas bag that is dripping blood. They tell him to look in the bag and he flinches; decides to not look.
• Supposedly Malus is a great detective but he doesn't connect the many, many hints that the kid is his.
• Flashlight works perfectly underwater.
• Mr. Malus desperately tries to wake up an obviously decomposing body.
• Strange ritual conveniently has one full body bear costume that allows Nic Cage to infiltrate.
• With two broken femers, Nic Cage still respons coherently to each new bizarre event.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.95/5	4.99/5
Martine	!Pissed that she stayed in the Cage!

What's next for the Cage?

If you aren't super-pumped to see Nic Cage in the theaters soon, I'm assuming it's because you don't know what's in store. Let's take a look at some of the gems coming our way.

FROZEN GROUND (2012)

15 years after Con Air, the Cage is once again teaming up with John Cusack--this time with a bit of a role reversal. Cusack will play serial killer Robert Hanson, while Cage will capture hearts and minds as the Alaskan State Trooper that pursues Hanson. The film is based on the true story of the "Butcher Baker," who picked up prostitutes and strippers, flew them into the Alaskan wilderness, raped and assaulted them before setting them loose in the woods so he could hunt them down and shoot them with a rifle. Yeesh. Also, I can't believe they haven't made this movie already! These kinds of senseless crimes are Hollywood gold! The film is currently in post-production and will also star 50-Cent as a pimp (very creative), and Vanessa Hudgens as an escaped victim (no comment).

Looking forward to: I think Cusack has real potential to be superbly creepy as an under-the-radar psycho, and you know I love Cage in the Righteous Pursuit of Truth in the Face of All Obstacles.

THE CROODS (2013)

Due to be released on March 22, 2013, The Croods may very well be the last movie we watch IN THE CAGE; our year ends just one week later. Cage plays a caveman living in the "previously undiscovered" Croodacious period with a conservative (dare we say "caveman") sensibility. He butts heads with a young, new hotshot who challenges his traditional ways with forward-thinking inventions like fire, and who wants to bone Cage's daughter. Will the two ever see eye to eye? Is there some valuable life lesson they can take from one another? Will they team up to save the whole family from a life-threatening situation/ turquoise tiger/ volcano? (For answer, see every other cartoon made, ever.) Other voice talents include Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, and Cloris Leachman.

Looking forward to: Cage's signature awesomeness, shining through... or a postponed release date.

FRANK OR FRANCIS (2013)

Frank or Francis is a Charlie Kaufman project still in the rumor mill stage (funding issues, rumor has it), but with a full--apparently wild--script and a number of stellar cast members signed on, including our own Mr. Cage. A musical comedy, Frank or Francis skewers contemporary film society... among other things. The discussions of the film so far are nearly as abstruse as Kaufman's films to date, but chances are, it will be something to see, if and when it is finally completed. Other big names include: Steve Carrell, Jack Black, Elizabeth Banks, and Kevin Kline. 

Looking forward to: Nicolas Cage in a musical number (hopefully)!

NATIONAL TREASURE 3 (N/A)

Need I say more? No.

Looking forward to: More sanctimonious speeches, querulous eyebrows, hilariously improbable secret messages on the backsides of historical artifacts, treasures hidden under monuments, etc.

WILD SIDE (N/A)

It was just announced yesterday that Nic Cage would star alongside Johnny Knoxville and newcomer Juno Temple (of the upcoming Dark Knight) in the upcoming film Wild Side. Cage's thief/murderer and "self-described wolf" Odel will pursue Temple's beauty-queen Lila Belle Clyde as she flees New Orleans in possession of Odel's stolen diamonds, while both avoid local law enforcement. This sounds like a role Cage can really sink his teeth into (pun intended). We'll see if "actor" Johnny Knoxville can hold his own in the Cage.

Looking forward to: As Scott Harris of NextMovie writes, "Let's hope director Jesse Baget has a great set director, because Cage is about to chew more scenery than a diplodocus."


Which movie are you looking forward to the most?