#23 Kiss of Death

#23 Kiss of Death

Year: 1995

Director: Barbet Schroeder

MPAA Rating:

Epic Co-stars: David Caruso, Samuel L Jackson, Helen Hunt, John Costelloe, Stanley Tucci, Ving Rhames, Philip Baker Hall

Running Time: 101 mins
Cage Time: ~25%
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 4

James's Review: After watching Kiss of Death can I say that I'm surprised that I'd never heard of this movie before despite it's start studded cast?  No, I cannot.  What I can say is that the start studded cast does almost nothing to improve it's cinematic quality and that the story is basically total garbage.  Now that I have the truth out of the way I can get to the good stuff:  despite this movie being basically unforgettable on most fronts, it should still be considered Classic Cage based on his ridiculous performance playing a completely ridiculous character.

Nic Cage plays "Little" Junior Brown, a ruthless gangster who (according to the movie tagline) "rules the streets" and "owns his game", but unfortunately for him "doesn't own all of the players".  Jimmy Kilmartin (David Caruso) plays an ex-con trying to get his life back together and clean up his act.  He got a cute wife (Helen Hunt) and things seem to be going well until his inner moron comes screaming back to the surface and he gets sucked into little Junior's ring of crime.  Fast forward: Kilmartin wants his life back, cops get involved, "juicy" story unfolds.  

This pretty much sums things up - Kicking ass.  Taking names.  Short hair.  White Jumpsuit.

As I've said in previous reviews, for a Cage fan none of this really matters.  What does matter is that Cage plays is a psychotic career criminal with a strip-club whos hideout is a stripclub (i.e. plenty of nudity: all boobs no bush and it also seems the director had some trouble making David Caruso keep his shirt on).  He stays in shape by bench-pressing strippers, wears a terrible white outfit at all times, and hates the taste of metal in his mouth.  None of this really makes sense either in the real world or in the context of this movie, but that is generally what we're looking for with these types of films.  

The all powerful master of his ultra bad-ass strip club lair.

Although with Kiss of Death viewers are not in for wholistic cinematic quality, those who stick with it through for the long haul are in for a few treats.  Cage breaks all of the rules by having what sounds like a Boston accent despite his character being from Queens NY.  His hair is like we've never seen it; tight on the sides with a surprisingly small amount of fluff or bounce up top.  He pushes the bounds of human behavior by  performing some sort of strange cry-rage exercise dance that is both fascinating and extremely pleasing to the viewer.  Also, there are a couple of deaths (including Helen Hunt) that are pretty awesome...

Bottom line:  Watch for a great Cage performance and a few good deaths / special treats (see below), but not much else.

Only Nicolas Cage, nobody else.

Movie quotability:

• "Now!  Fucko!"
• "I have an acronym for myself. Know what it is? B.A.D. B.A.D... Balls, Attitude, Direction. You should give yourself an acronym... 'cause it helps you visualize your goals."
• "You know what I hate? I hate the taste of metal in my mouth.  Thanks why I never use silverware, forks and knives."

Plot Holes:

• Jimmy Kilmartin is the only guy who can drive a truck.
• Chopping a Rolls Royce is worth more than just selling it straight up.
• "Good family people" leave toddler unattended in a kiddie pool.
• David Caruso can handle himself on a prison basketball court filled with 6'4" 250lb black guys.
• David Caruso appears partially nude in half of his scenes.
• Good guys get to keep stolen cars.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Poor
Shauna
James	3.34/5	2.04/5
Martine	!Stayed in the Cage!

#13 The Weather Man

#13 The Weather Man

Year: 2005

Director: Gore Verbinski

MPAA Rating:  R 

Epic Co-stars: Michael Caine

Running Time: 101 mins.
Cage Time: ~95%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

Shauna's Review: In 2010, Roger Ebert wrote: "There are often lists of the great living male movie stars: De Niro, Nicholson and Pacino, usually. How often do you see the name of Nicolas Cage? He should always be up there. He's daring and fearless in his choice of roles, and unafraid to crawl out on a limb, saw it off and remain suspended in air. No one else can project inner trembling so effectively.... He always seems so earnest. However improbable his character, he never winks at the audience. He is committed to the character with every atom and plays him as if he were him."

What this means in practical terms is that, in most of his roles, Cage is unnervingly convincing as a megalomaniac. The Weather Man, by contrast, is a serious Film that allows us to see the fragile, sensitive, everyman Nic Cage. Or, as Skyler and James put it, "Finally, a Cage film with some nudity!"

"People don't throw things at me any more. Maybe because I carry a bow around."

Cage plays David Spritz, Chicago TV weatherman, divorced husband, father of two, and son of   a Nobel-award-winning writer, played by Michael Caine, who is awesome. Since this is an independent-type, dark comedy, his kids cuss and smoke and do edgy things like hang out with creepy perverts, his wife acts like a real bitch (not like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond, but like, really annoying), and everyone says "fuck" frequently and with relish. The film follows Spritz's inner monologue as he tries, mostly ineffectively, to reconstruct his decaying personal life, even as his professional career moves forward. 

My name is Michael Caine, and I am awesome.
Also, if you haven't seen The Trip, watch this.

My brother once told me, "That movie is a real bummer." But I actually found it to be fairly hilarious. No, it's not upbeat. Spritz is an unhappy character out on a limb, feeling it crack under his weight yet paralyzed by doubt. Cage doesn't exaggerate these weaknesses for comedic purposes, and he doesn't need to; the writing is wittily sharp and self-deprecating. Instead he embodies this character earnestly and with real conviction, making this a solid entry in the Cage canon.

Movie quotability:

• "That was refreshing. I am refreshed. I am refreshing." 
• "People recognize me sometimes. Some are dicks." 
• "You ARE a dildo, pork fuck- fucker." 
• "Her colleagues call her camel toe.... It means the crease in her vagina that they can discern through her clothing." 
• "You know what, Dave. You want to know why my BJs lacked enthusiasm? I hated you. I hated your hair. I hated your ugly legs, your forearms. I hated kissing your lips, Dave. OK? And that's why I lacked enthusiasm when your cock was in my mouth." 
• "I don't know. It's a guess. It's wind. It blows all over the place." 
• "I'd like to put my face in there...tartar sauce...I like to eat pussy, tartar sauce...."
• "'When I think of my dad, I think of Bob Seger's Like a Rock.' And that's all I said at my father's living funeral." 
• "Always fast food.  Fast food.  Things that people would rather throw out than finish.  It's easy, it tastes all right, but it doesn't really provide you any nourishment.  I'm fast food." 

Plot Holes:

• None, except that $240k+ a year seems like a lot for a weatherman. 

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Outstanding
Shauna
James	4.18/5	3.89/5
Martine	!Got teared up in the cage!