#30 Deadfall

#30 Deadfall

Year: 1993

Director: Christopher Coppola

MPAA Rating: 

Epic Co-stars: Charlie Sheen, Talia Shire, James Coburn

Running Time: 98 mins
Cage Time: 30%
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 6

/r/onetruegod's (failed) Review: Cage's performance here, as I see it, is building off that of Dennis Hopper in the film Blue Velvet. However, Cage gives a more nuanced take on the character, showing his deep-seated insecurities and rage.  Deadfall was directed by the brother of Our Lord, Christopher Coppola. This explains how he was able to capture the essence of the Cage so perfectly.*

Entering 17 minutes into the film, Cage steals the show which isn't hard to do because everyone else is an absolutely terrible actor.  When Dr. Cage isn't gracing the screen, the audience is forced to suffer through terrible narration and some sad emotional sex but is finally slightly rewarded with a glimpse of a pretty nicely executed cake in the shape of a horsey.  When Dr Cage is on the screen, the audience is treated to the worst (and by worst I mean BEST) mustache ever coupled with some of the most terrible (and by terrible I mean awesome)  hair in all of cinema.  Using these two small props, Dr. Cage transforms into one of the most memorable psychotic popper-addicted ruthless criminals in cinematic history.     Sadly, he is only on screen for about 30 minutes before performing an exit that is almost as spectacular as his character.

The Nouveau Shaman mastering his craft.

You are never too old to throw a fit on your bed.

Upon deeper contemplation of Deadfall, one will see many similarities between it the film and the /r/onetruegod community.  When initially introduced, both are very interesting and inspire thoughts like "how have I gone by whole life without seeing this" or "finally, something that is so awesome nothing else will ever surpass it".  But only after one becomes completely immersed (in Deadfall or the /r/onetruegod subreddit) he soon realizes that it is really 1% genius and 99% horseshit.  Both the film and the subreddit are built around a core of pure artistic genius, but in each case the genius is all but wasted by the mindless generic crap that surrounds it.  Luckily for both of them, videos like this (video may contain spoilers) or Cats like this will always remain to remind us of the pure artistic beauty that is so often totally washed out by the vast quantities uninspired garbage that tries to imitate it. 

*Thanks to /r/onetruegod member "thegreatwhitemenace" for providing your most valuable input to this review.  You are the one man truly devoted to his god even while surrounded by 7788 half-assed posers.  May your Mountain Dew be sweet. 

Movie quotability:

• "What's the matter, cat got your fucking toungue?"
• "This fucking fucker's fucked!"
• "Time to kiss the baby, friend...  Wahh."
• "I'll fuck you all summer long baby.  All summer long..."
• "Fuck fuck fuck, fuckin fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.  Fuck.  Hi-fuckin' YA!!"
• "Okay baby girl, who sent you?  Who sent ya?!?"
• "Someones tryin' to fuckin' kill me man!!!!"
• "Fucking hangers!!!"
• "What am I, a fuckin' retard man?  Am I a fucking retard huh?  I know what this is.  Lou's trying to snuff me out because of his crazy little nephew being around.  Well vive la fucking France man..."

Plot Holes:

• Every person everywhere is a shifty eyed creep.
• Any sane person would just keep the bracelet.
• Strip club has fog machine.
• Guy is into foreplay when having sex with a whore.
• Strange scissor hand super villain supposed to be taken seriously in non fantasy movie.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Dreadful
Shauna
James	4.89/5	0.46/5
Martine	!Started reading after 59 minutes in the cage!

#27 Red Rock West

# 27 Red Rock West

Year: 1993

Director: John Dahl

MPAA Rating:

Epic Co-stars: Dennis Hopper, Lara Flynn Boyle, Craig Reay, Dwight Yokum

Running Time: 98 mins
Cage Time: 99%
Cage Kills: 0 
Cage Flip-outs: 4 

Skyler's Review: 
This movie was absolutely great. If you are even thinking about watching it, you should: drop what you are doing, stare at the Nic Cage one-handed push-up 10 times, and go plop this movie into your DVD player. You will be entertained.
I mean, look at him doing those push-ups; he is the definition of masculinity.

This is my daily workout too. I drive out into the country, take my shirt off, and do many one handed pushups.

Dr. Cage plays a ex-marine drifter named Michael who is looking for work. His friend finds him some, but Michael writes on the employment form that he has a bum leg. This man has principles, and won't bend on them. They won't give him the job, so he goes looking for work in Red Rock, Wyoming. Once he gets there, he goes to a bar, and the bartender mistakes him for "Lyle from Texas," the hitman the barkeep hired to "take care" of his wife. 

Michael is always buying gas.

Michael doesn't correct him, and takes the money and the job. The rest of the movie is full of plot twists and Michael is continually tested with more and more tempting offers to see if he will bend his principles a second time. Everyone has their price, what is Michael's?

We were generally enthralled for the entire duration of this film. Nic Cage in tight jeans and cowboy boots looks like a god. Martine dreams of straddling Cage while doing one handed pushups. There is a PG-13 sex scene with Nic Cage where it clearly looks like his dong is on screen. We thought "No way! This has to go on the internet!" and backed up the DVD and watched the scene again. Then in slow-mo. Then we finally paused it on the frame so we could get a good look. It was his belt buckle, sorry folks. We know that would be gold for all you Cage fans. But one wonders, if we had to do all that to identify his belt buckle, was strategically placed there on purpose?

Dennis Hopper is not happy with Nic Cage's driving.

In conclusion, this wasn't just one of the best Cage films we've seen, is was one of the best films we've seen, period.

Movie quotability:

• "Does that tickle?  Because it won't if I pull the trigger."
• "Fuckin' story of my life..."
• "FUCK MEXICO!"
• "What do you say we put a cap on the HORSESHIT?!"
• "Why don't you just blow me."
• "You want it?  Go get it."

Plot Holes:

• Nic Cage doesn't just take the $5,000 and leave town.
• Nic Cage drives with no headlights.
• Letter to the sheriff?  Give me a break...
• 125 lb woman can consume endless amounts of alcohol and never get drunk.
• Belt buckle strategically placed in shadow to look like Cage's dong.
• All graveyards are filled with ominous mist and smoke.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Outstanding
Shauna
James	3.91/5	4.42/5
Martine	!Stayed in the Cage!

#14 Amos & Andrew

#14 Amos & Andrew

Year: 1993

Director: E. Max Frye

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: Samuel L. Jackson, Dabney Coleman

Running Time: 96 mins.
Cage Time: 
Cage Kills/Deaths: 0/0
Cage Flip-outs: 3

James' Review: This movie lost $7 million dollars. I can see why.  I'll try to keep this short and sweet mostly for my own sake as I can't stand to think about it much longer.  Tears come to my eyes when I think of the potential for totally psychotic freak-out bliss I once imagined when thinking about this film.  Looking at the cover seeing Samuel L. Jackson and Nic Cage in their all too obvious characters I thought "these two together on the screen are a sure thing".  I now realize that I am an idiot.

Stale race commentary written for idiots: check.  Dumb honkeys that base all of their actions on ass-umptions: check.  Dumber cops that base all of their actions on the ass-umptions of dumb honkeys: check.  Comically racist dogs: check.  If all of these things sound good to you, then I'm happy that our blog has finally found it's target audience.  For those of you who don't like the sounds of this, please keep reading because A Year In The Cage is trying to become a little less "movie" and a little more "film".

I applaud the balls of this man.  He is willing to go anywhere or do anything for cinema, even when deep down inside he knows that someday in the future disrupting technologies will allow images like this to haunt him for the rest of his life.

Mr. Cage plays a bit of a ruffian in this film.  A poor schmuck  down on his luck that is targeted by the local authorities as an easy scapegoat for their moronic behavior.  He soon teams up with the minority who was originally wronged by them to ultimately outsmart them and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, who the hell cares?  This movie was so stupid and boring that when watching it I felt somewhat jealous of my toddler who was sleeping peacefully upstairs.  The commentary was totally outdated even for 1993, and the writing completely muted anything and everything that Nic and Sam have since become  famous for doing.  This film was aimed to be a comedy that tackled larger issues, but instead turned out to be a genre-less pile of trash that poked more fun at the people who made it than those whom it tried to portray.  Total Horse Shit! 

Movie quotability: -4/5

• "Fuck the first amendment."
• "She looked 18..."
• "I guess I wanted my family to be like ah" (hits joint) "a sea-monkey family."
• "For all your talk, you are the whitest damn black man I've ever met."
• N-word count: 4

Plot Holes:

• It's acceptable for actors to be made up in black face in 1993.
• A black guy in New England sets all the white people within a 5 mile radius into a crazed frenzy.  Once again, in 1993...
• Every white person is racist.
• In 1993, every person regardless of color is racist.  Even dogs.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Poor	Troll
Shauna
James	1.37/5.0	0.84/5.0
Martine	!Oblivious in the Cage!