#29 Drive Angry


#29 Drive Angry
Year: 2011
Director: Patrick Lessier
MPAA Rating:
Epic Co-stars: Hot bi-sexual, William Fichtner, Billy Burke
Running Time: 104 mins
Cage Time: ~98%
Cage Kills: 42; all of them glorious
Cage Flip-outs: 0
James' Review: When I sat down for this film I wasn't sure what to expect which is pretty much the best place you can be just before getting your MIND FUCKING BLOWN!  Drive Angry now carries the title of being the #1 unexpected sleeper hit so far on my Cage adventure, and I don't see it being topped anytime soon.  Unfortunately, if you have a vagina you may not share my extreme excitement for this (see ratings below).  But if a set of testicles and a penis are a decent description of your mid-section then you should probably cancel whatever worthless plans you had tonight, round up a couple other people with similar genitals, and watch this film.  


Returning to earth from hell sometimes results in eye damage.  And inspirational artwork.
Nic Cage plays John Milton, an undead badass who escaped from hell to avenge his daughters death and save his granddaughter from a deranged cult of Satan worshipers who plan on sacrificing said granddaughter in an arbitrarily short period of time.  As I said, whatever plans you had tonight are now worthless.  Anyone fresh out of hell needs a little company, so Milton picks up a hot waitress (Amber Heard) and does her a favor by killing her fiance before hitting the road again to try to allude the spawn of Satan know as the Accountant (William Fichtner)  who has set out to drag him back to hell.  Start thinking of excuses now.  I could go on describing each and every amazing detail of this film, but I think we both know you'd be better off just watching it yourself.  


Driving angry sometimes results in damaged windshields.  And seeing red.

What you do need to know is that this film is a perfect execution of the Grindhouse genre and has the power to turn even skeptics (of the genre) into believers.  The execution is a bit less blatant than recent films (Tarantino and Rodriguez) that have re-popularized the genre making it feel a bit more genuine despite it's completely ridiculous subject manner.  
Escaping hell sometimes results in ultra-badass firearms.  And carrying cases presumably made of  human flesh.

Dr. Cage (as usual) executes flawlessly here.  His passion for each individual role coupled with the supreme Nouveau Shamanic style result in pure excellence.  All of his 25 kills are carried out with such precision and deliberateness that each of them is just as (if not more) pleasing to view than the last.  This, coupled with three sets of boobs and one of the most beautifully executed grindhouse scenes in cinematic history*, makes Drive Angry a definite standout in a long series (68 at the time this review was written) of impressive Cage performances.

*Kills multiple people without pulling out; one with a bottle of whiskey in his hand.  Another guys machete was shot by Cage, driving it into the center of his forehead.


Movie quotability:
  • "Hell already is walking the earth. You tell him I'm coming. Tell him I'm coming to get her back."
  • I Brake 4 Pussy
  • "I don't disrobe before gunfire."
  • "I need to reload.  You drive."
  • "It's still in there.  The bullet, I can feel it."
  • "It's not about your suffering, your burning.  Its about the suffering of those you love.  It's all you see..."
  • "Burning is nothing, compared to watching your child's head get torn off."
  • "Even in hell, there is compassion."
Plot Holes:
  • Air conditioner face wound heals in a few hours.
  • Infinite bridge defies the laws of physics.
  • Every aspect of the movie, which makes it totally wonderful.
  • Most ridiculous ending scene ever!

CAGEamatic
Cinamatic
Skyler
Exceeds Expectations
Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James
4.12/5
3.81/5
Martine
!Tapped out of the Cage!

4 comments:

adamm22 said...

This was probably the most perfect Nicolas cage movie I have seen. The review said it right when it said every aspect of the film is a plot hole but you couldn't really notice them over the awesomeness that was on display in this movie. I loved the cheesy violence scenes. my favorite part had to be the "I don't disrobe before gunfire." line just because the line is amazing and its followed by a sweet ass action scene that involves Cage staying inside the woman he's having relations with and killing people...AT THE SAME TIME! IMO this was a solid Cage flick and I recommend it to anything that wants to be entertained and likes Nicolas Cage.
4/5 just because how over the top and awesome it was.

Steve M said...

Thanks to scanning your review matrix I knew not to bother the old lady with this one and watched it by myself. James is dead on with his review, surprisingly enjoyable despite its faults.

For some reason I really enjoyed the first few seconds of the scene where the accountant comes bouncing over the crest of the hill in a tanker truck full of hydrogen as he hums along to the music.

The only hole I can recall seeing is when the car starts to overheat and steam and as a result the speedometer suddenly drops to zero as if the cable had been sheared, even though she's still pulling the car over to the side of the road. Well, that and people being able to walk into an empty Bull by the Balls in the middle of the night because they never turn off the lights or lock up.

I'm actually a little out of order here because Netflix didn't have a nearby copy of "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" so while I wait for it to be shipped here from far far away land I get treated to Drive Angry, and I'm ok with that.

The Fat Man said...

This movie makes me a little... something. I hated it. I hated hated it. But it was perfectly Cage. I should have loved it. But I hated.

Queer and The Fat Man review here:
http://queerandthefatman.com/2011/06/02/drive-angry-and-screw-turn-signals/

TFM.

James Ayers said...

Fat man, your review is ridiculous although I do really like your “Now in 2D!” idea.

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