#25 Rumble Fish


#25 Rumble Fish
Year: 1983
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
MPAA Rating:
Epic Co-stars: Laurence Fishburne, Matt Dillon, Mickey Rourke
Running Time: 94 min
Cage Time: 5%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 0
Martine's Review: 
Wow, I didn't know what to think when watching this one.  It's like the filmmakers were trying to blow my top with all of the artsy-farts black and white film and strange camera angles.  But after you sort through all of said artsy-fartsiness all your left with is a stagnant story line, a few poorly executed metaphors, and some boobs.   


In a nut shell, here's how things go down:  The 1983 version of James Franco (Matt Dillon) kisses the 1983 version of Julia Stiles (Diane Lane).  Things seem to be going okay between the two, but you can kind of tell that Julia Stiles is losing interest because James Franco is sort of a loser.  James Franco (Rusty James) is the leader of a crappy gang with Nic Cage who is sortof a nice boy caught up in the wrong crowd and the 1983 version of Jonah Hill (???  Maybe Jonah Hill's grandpa or something) smoking cigarettes.  Together with the help of a rival gain they reenact the 1983 video "Beat  It", but without the music.  Then Mickey Rourke (The Motorcycle Boy) rolls in looking like a child and steals the show.  It turns out that poor Rusty James has been living in his brothers shadow for years and is generally a miserable bastard with no meaningful relationships.


Nobody messes with the Wild Deuces!  Except for me.  After checking out that pant/belt combo I'll mess with this little troublemaker anytime!
Cut to Rusty James' family life!  Rusty James' mom left when he was yougn and his dad (Dennis Hopper) is a total worthless drunk.  The Motorcycle Boy (Rusty's brother) has just returned to town from a hiatus in California, but isn't quite living up to the legend he left behind; you guessed it, total drunk.  Oh and one other problem of Rusty's that I forgot to mention before, turns out he's a total drunk...  From here the film gets stuck some sort of purgatory where all of these people act miserable, realize they are miserable f-ups, and then are miserable due to their miserable realizations.  Some deep stuff is thrown in there about being your own worst enemy in life and some colors are flashed on the screen at key times to keep your brain in motion, but none of it really carries enough weight to compensate for the fact that Nic Cage is in less than 10% of this movie.

Now lets put aside from all the extremely mediocre parts of this film and concentrate on what really matters: my delicious little Cage man.  In the precious few minutes he is in this film, Mr. Cage does a wonderful job at both acting, and looking like a hot little piece of MILF bait.  His hair is very tall and feathery and his little teenage attitude of not giving a crap about anything makes me want to give him a spanking in order to straighten him out a little bit.  I didn't really like that he was #2 in the gang and was taking orders for Rusty James, but in the end I think we'll all agree who the bigger man is.  Despite this movie being pretty lame in most regards, everyone (including Cage) does a pretty damn fine job in the acting department.  It's just the script their acting out that leaves much to be desired.  Overall I would say only the die-hard Cage fans need to see this film and not those of us who were just looking for a quick fix.

Cage is a tough little punk with an ego as big as his hair.  So bad it's good.



Movie quotability:
  • "Something something something Rusty James Rusty James."
  • "You've got a bad habit of getting attached to people, man." 
  • "What are you doing? That must hurt!"
  • "He looks really old, like... 25 or something."
  • "You fuck other girls and all you do is shit on me!"
  • "Hey what are you gonna do?  Work me over with your night stick?"
  • "Black and white TV with the sound turned low."
  • "That was me at my 5 year old birthday party.  I was good lookin' even back then."
  • "Nobody wants to be killed."
Plot Holes:
  • Random cabin has HUGE liquor cabinet.
  • Random smoke pours down streets for no reason.
  • Equal amounts of black people and white people attend the same carnival.
  • People in this movie actually believe being color blind means seeing black and white.
  • Cops shoot guy for killing Betas from pet shop, but don't care when second guy steal.
  • A hundred people show up in the middle of the night to see who 


CAGEamatic
Cinamatic
Skyler
Dreadful
Dreadful
Shauna
James
3.78/5
2.75/5
Martine
!Tapped out (early) of the cage!

4 comments:

Steve M said...

Please tell me there is a prize for having endured this torture. I made the mistake of pausing to see how much was left after I'd had as much as I could stand, I was only half way done. This review is spot on.

Rilifon said...

Review #2

For the sole purpose of the YITC I re-watched this film. I can't say it's a bad film, cinematically speaking is a really good one. An oldie, but a okey-ie. The sad part is Nicolas Cage appearing only as a secondary character, so there isn't much to say about him, except the fact the first time I've watched it, at first I thought he was Ross from Friends.
I bow my head in shame.

Grade: 6/10

James Ayers said...

Pull that chin up just a little bit. To quote the David Schwimmer Wikipedia page:

"Schwimmer based Ross on Nicolas Cage's role of Charlie from the 1986 film Peggy Sue Got Married.[11]"

Your Cage intuition is very impressive. Keep up the good work.

Ben Sparrow said...

This was a difficult one to get through. In hindsight, this would have been a good drinking game for everytime a character says "Rusty James" - it probably would have been a better movie as a result.

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