#24 Seeking Justice


#24 Seeking Justice

Year: 2011
Director: Roger Donaldson
MPAA Rating:
Epic Co-stars: January Jones, Guy Pearce
Running Time: 105 mins
Cage Time: ~ 97%
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 2
Skyler's Review: 
A man is going to the bathroom and someone kicks a cell phone under the door into his stall. The phone starts ringing. The man on the other end, in a raspy Batman-type voice says, "Leave the bathroom and go to the vending machine. Buy a Slim Jim. Then go onto the street and head toward the subway." This all seems very odd, but the man decides to comply. He presses B-4 to get the Slim Jim and heads upstairs and starts to head down to the subway. All the while, the phone pressed into his ear. "Stop halfway down the stairs," the raspy voice continues, "there is a flyer, someone looking for a musician. Take it, take the flyer. Then get on the Number 3 train." He does. "Get off at the next stop. Go back to street level. You will see a convenience store. Go down the alley." As the man walks into the alley, someone sitting on a stool stops him. "Hold on, where do you think you are go..." the person stops mid-sentence when he sees the flyer, "Ok, go on, the band entrance is on the right." He goes down the alley and the raspy voice comes back, "Don't take the band entrance. Go to the end of the alley and enter the last door on the left." His ears feel hot. Will the person on the stool notice he is not going in the band entrance? He makes it to the end of the alley and puts is hand on the doorknob. He pauses, before quickly opening the door and entering. Suddenly, a dog starts barking. "Give the dog the Slim Jim. Then follow the hallway to the stairs." He tosses the Slim Jim and the barking immediately subsides.

Do you see what I did there? I made the protagonist do some seemingly meaningless stuff, but in the end everything had a purpose in advancing the plot. This movie is much like the above, but the plot stops when you hit the italics.
The title: 'Seeking Justice' is a red herring. No justice is sought. Unless Justice is the brand name of cigarettes or candy or something.
A guy on a phone makes Nic Cage: 

  • Go to a vending machine and buy 2 candy bars
  • Mail a letter to Santa
  • Go to a convenience store and buy some gum
None of these serve any purpose, other than filling screen time.
In the end Nic Cage gets the guy back by doing the same thing on a phone and orders him to
  • Watch a monster truck rally
  • Go to the bathroom (He literally says "Go to the urinal. Take a leak.")
  • Buy a hot dog
In keeping with the theme, there was absolutely no reason for the man to do these things.

Cage phoning the writers. The script makes it seem like "sending the letter" is meaningless and has no impact on the plot. They assured him it would all make sense after editing. (it doesn't) It's all a big practical joke they were pulling,
a 17-million dollar joke.
The plot is supposed to be about an all-powerful, underground organization that punishes criminals by murdering them. The organization perpetuates itself as a pyramid scheme. They get a victim to agree to do a favor later if the organization murders the criminal now. The favor to do later is, obviously, to commit one of these "justice murders." The problem with this system, is how do you really know that your target is a criminal? (This is why we have courts and stuff) 
Nic seems to be as confused by the "plot" as we were.

The overall plot sounds really cool. The execution is terrible. They add so many red herrings to the plot that it trivialized every single action that the characters were taking. Moreover, at no point was I ever interested in finding out what was "really going on." It was pretty obvious, if you've ever seen a movie before. Don't get me wrong, Nic Cage acted the hell out of "mail a letter" and the impeccable "buy some gum" bit. It just would have been nice to see him chewing the gum or offering it to someone. It wasn't even brand name gum! At least get a sponsor! Maybe they tried and Wrigley said "No, we only sponsor movies that people will watch."

Movie quotability: 
  • "Who dat?!"
  • "No.  Murder, first degree."
  • "Take a leak"
  • "The hungry rabbit jumps"
Plot Holes:
  • DNA tests do not take 6 months to complete
  • Nic Cage and others needs to purchase snacks as part of every shady deal.
  • Amway has a secret hitman branch in their business model.
  • Nic Cage is married to a woman WAY out of his league.
  • Adult english teacher has children's magnets on his refrigerator.
  • Three city buses come to one stop within 2 minutes.
  • "Forever Bars"
  • Murderer stumbles upon his victim's wake.
  • Cage taps a cop car throwing it under a tractor trailer (which should have decapitated the cop) and cop climbs out of car unharmed.
  • Escalade is equipped with all knowing super computer.
  • Cage forgets about his wife and doesn't contact her for hours even though ruthless criminals are out to get him.
  • An abandoned mall is a thing.
  • All bald people are bad.


CAGEamatic
Cinamatic
Skyler
poor
dreadful
Shauna
James
2.42/5
1.98/5
Martine
!Tapped out of the cage!

4 comments:

Steve M said...

Ever predictable, ever boring, and never ending. Not sure that counted as a Cage kill, though he was certainly involved.

The Fat Man said...

FIRST OF ALL: nobody is out of Cage's league. NOBODY. You remember that, heathens.

James Ayers said...

Agreed, nobody is out of Cage's league. But when he transforms into "Will Gerard" a total duche in a retarded movie, virtually any any woman who is decently attractive is out of his league... A true testament to what a truly revolutionary actor he is.

Ian Huff said...

Can't fault Nicolas for his poor performance, it was obviously caused by the shaky writing. Did they even write an outline, ffs? Five minutes into the movie, the plot changed completely and again an hour later. Now if this was done well, I wouldn't be complaining, but the plot changes were sudden with no build up. Terrible.

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