#4 Con Air

#4 Con Air

Year: 1997

Director: Simon West

MPAA Rating: R 

Epic Co-stars: John Malkovitch, Steve Buscemi, Dave Chapelle

Running Time: 115 mins
Cage Time: ~80%
Cage Kills: 6
Cage Flip-outs: 1

Martine's Review:  This movie was good enough for me to stay in the cage without too much fuss. Cage's hair was totally gross and was a super turn-off until I saw him in those 90's style tight jeans and the even tighter wife-beater tucked into them. Just seeing those oiled and powerful arms brought be right back to 11th grade when I used to stay up late in my room with a flashlight reading issues with Teen and Seventeen magazine finding every Nic Cage photo I could and hiding them under my pillow.  I found myself fantasizing that I was "Baby-O" and that Nic was risking his life to save me.  In my version instead of a shot of insulin from Nic, I got a HUGE shot of vitamin-C(age) which healed me in every way possible.

Totally gross prison hair :(

Totally sexy prison body :)

So what is Con Air? Well, you have a plane full of antisocial and sociopathic criminals who act accordingly, one stereotypically gay inmate, and a lot of disrespect for authority! Like every good action movie, you have an inmate threatening then attempting to rape a female guard, several people are shot to death, an arm is severed from a body, and a body is thrown from a plane. Pretty standard stuff. Crude terms for a woman's vagina were used to belittle men, classic.

I did appreciate Nic's over-protection of the stuffed bunny in the film. In my mind, the bunny represented my teenage innocence: sometimes it was taken out of the box, and maybe it got a little sewer water on it, but Cage was there to clean it off and protect its existence at all cost. In general, the theme of the film is the lament of lost youth; and the understanding that you can stand by in regret or take action now and keep whatever honor and youth you have left. The end is an ad for Las Vegas, a city known for regret. I just wish that Nicolas took his shirt off.

Movie quotability:

• "I like my black cherry jello"
• "I said.  Put the bunny. Back in the box."
• "Why couldn't you put the bunny back in the box?"
• "Hoo-ray for the sounds of fucking silence."
• "What'd you think I'm gonna do?  I'm gonna save the fuckin' day."
• "It's not exactly Mai Tais and Yahtzee out here.  Let's do it!"

Plot Holes:

• US Marshal Vince Larkin is able to drive away in the totally badass Corvette that isn't his, just because he feels like it.
• SPOILER:  Strange rock crusher is hanging out on Freemont St. seemingly just to crush Malkovitch's head.

	CAGEamatic	Cinematic
Skyler	Acceptable	Acceptable
Shauna
James	2.89/5	2.89/5
Martine	!Stayed in the Cage!