Nicolas Cage in Japanese Pachinko Commercials

This just shows that Dr. Cage's Nouveau Shamanic is not just limited to Oscar nominated full-length feature films. He can pull off excellence in a 30 second short medium as well.

These Nicolas Cage Pachinko ads are the proof.

#20 Honeymoon in Vegas

#20 Honeymoon in Vegas

Year: 1992

Director: Andrew Bergman

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: Burton Gilliam, James Caan, Sarah Jessica Parker

Running Time: 96 mins
Cage Time: ~80%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

James' Review: Honeymoon in Vegas is another great example of where Nic Cage has proven that he can do comedy and pull it off pretty well despite the movie not being very funny.  It proves that Nic Cage is basically an insurance policy for movies that are in that dark grey area between "meh" and "blah".  Buy the insurance and sleep well at night knowing that your mediocre script / production will actually turn out to be pretty entertaining thanks to the magic man known as Dr. Cage.


Nic Cage plays Jack Singer who is a nice guy and seems to be a decent boyfriend to his girlfriend Betsy (Sarah Jessica Parker).  Betsy is getting a bit antsy about the marriage thing and finally Jack agrees to marry her in Vegas after fearing that she may dump him.  After a quick flight to Vegas and some stalling Jack finds himself at a poker table with Tommy Korman (James Caan) and several of his cronies.  A hop skip and a jump later Korman has swindled Singer out of more cash than he makes in a year and Korman ends up with his sweet little bride-to-be.  This mediocre script has served softball pitch to the doctor and he proceeds to knock it out of the park.


In Honeymoon in Vegas Cage gives a world class performance as does James Caan.  As Tommy Korman, James Caan plays a perfect slimy bastard who will stop and nothing of execute his wife stealing plan.  In doing this he also becomes a pretty great villain who a lot of fun to hate while watching.  As he drags Singer along on this "crazy adventure", Cage has more than enough chances to have many memorable and entertaining flip-outs.

Just when you think you've seen it all Dr. Cage pulls out some  fresh facial expressions and COMPLETELY BLOWS YOUR MIND.

A few additional enhancements that deserve mention are as follows:

• Being shot in 1992 everyone is wearing pleated pants, which I find highly enjoyable.
• In 1992 Sara Jessica Parker was pretty damn hot.  I did not remember this.  Unfortunately since then things haven't gone well for her (see picture below).
• 8-ball jacket.  Enough said.

Nicolas Cage has aged better over the years than his co-star.  The picture above shows a picture of the two actors in 1992 (left) and then again in 2011 (right).

Overall this movie is really worth seeing for Nic Cage and James Caan (and even SJP).  It takes Cage on a wacky adventure and gives you the chance to see him flip out in a multitude of different situations spanning different states and various modes of transportation.  Cage is funny when he needs to be, crazy when he needs to be, and all around wonderful through the entire thing.  It may not completely blow your mind (despite the range of facial expressions), but it will satisfy your Cage hunger while also surprising you with how much you actually liked it (because you know you think it's going to suck). 

Movie quotability:

• "I wanna get you into that room, tear that bedspread off and... YOU-HOO! CAN I GET A ROOM?"
• "It's not guts, it's realism."
• "HEY! I KNOW THAT NOWWWW"  aarrrhhh...
• "Then What!?  I'll get arrested?  Put in airport jail?!!!"
• "My father left us when I was about 5.  That's why my name is Jack.  As in "Jack, go tell your mother that I'm just going out to get the paper.""
• "That just doesn't help me at all, but thanks."

Plot Holes:

• "This film has been formatted to fit your TV screen."
• The King left the poker game and then was in again in the next scene.
• A couple randomly wandering ends up having an argument ringside at a boxing match.
• Betsy looks up the odds to loosing with a straight flush an hour or two after it happens.  In 1992.  Before wikipedia could even be fathomed by anybody.
• Nic Cage runs from the strip to Fremont St. in seconds.
• Mr. Korman wants to marry Betsy rather than just bang her.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Acceptable
Shauna
James	4.12/5	2.89/5
Martine	!Completed Ada's Owl Hat in the Cage!

#19 Bangkok Dangerous

#19 Bangkok Dangerous

Year: 2008

Director: Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang

MPAA Rating:  R 

Epic Co-stars: None

Running Time: 99 mins
Cage Time: ~99%
Cage Kills: 29
Cage Flip-outs: -1 

Skyler's Review: In Bangkok Dangerous, Nicolas Cage plays a cold-hearted gun-for-hire named Joe that has never found love with women. Then while trying to buy a Dr. Pepper, a handsome young man named Kong comes into the convenience store and attempts to rob it at gun point. Joe decides to pull out his sidearm and help the boy rob the store. 

The correct way to view this movie.

Afterword, Joe tries to convince Kong to go clean and give up crime. Kong asks Joe who he is; Joe lies and says he is a ex-cop. He convinces Kong and lets him stay with him in his lakeside cabin "until he can get back on his feet." Joe eventually realizes that he has finally found love, but doesn't know how Kong will react to learning this. All the while, Joe has to keep secret that his late nights are actually because he is a hitman.

Nic Cage's gentle touch is not cold like the unfeeling gunmetal, but both become hot when squeezed.

Kong respects Joe for being a good, honest, and disciplined man. Joe tries to profess his true feelings and things begin to blow up. Kong does not feel reciprocally, and feels tricked. During their fighting Kong confronts Joe about his "late night meetings" and Joe confesses to being an assassin. Kong threatens to call the authorities and is seen running from Joe's house with tears streaming down his face.

Working out in matching shirts is a good way to bond with your lover.

Joe tries to forget, but then finds out that his next contract is to hit Kong as retaliation for a random hold-up against one of the mob's fronts. Joe doesn't know whether to give up his job, go through with the hit, or take his own life...then he thinks of a fourth alternative! The epic conclusion to this movie might be worth watching. 

No one knows fashion like Nic Cage. This watch is over $5000.

Unfortunately, I wrote this review about what might have been an interesting movie. In fact, the actual Bangkok Dangerous is just about an assassin named Joe that wants to complete four more contracts, then retire. It doens't go well, and Nic Cage doesn't freak out. His hair is at its worst and we get no freak outs.

The original Bangkok Dangerous is about a deaf assassin. OOoo! Interesting, he can't hear the bullets firing, that could be a cool story. Why in the remake is Nic Cage not deaf? Because marketing said it would sell better if Nic Cage had some spoken lines. Thanks, marketing. You have the world's greatest actor at your disposal; you could have given him an actual challenge of a role (imagine deaf assassin freak outs) but instead have Cage act as stoic as possible with an uninteresting plot as possible.

They show the close up of Joe's watch three times during the movie to remind you of how much time you are wasting.

Movie quotability:

• "There's a beer in the refrigerator, it will take down the swelling."
• "That was your first lesson"
• "No one knows who I am.  No one knows where I am."

Plot Holes:

• Nicolas Cage is far too calm!
• His Thai def girlfriend seems to be able to read lips in english.
• Nic is in a boat and neck and neck with a motorcycle yet he still has time to dock the boat and run up a hill before stealing it.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Dreadful	Poor
Shauna
James	3.11/5	2.21/5
Martine	!Crocheted in the Cage!