#63 Time To Kill


#63 Time To Kill (Tempo di uccidere)
Year: 1989
Director: Giuliano Montaldo
MPAA Rating: R
Epic Co-stars: Giancarlo Giannini (James Bond's friend Rene)
Running Time: 110 mins
Cage Time: 
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 3
Shauna's Review: 
OK so to understand the hilarity of this movie, I have to explain the experience of watching the copy we found on thepiratebay. This is a film about Italian soldiers invading Ethiopia in 1936. The cast are all Italian actors; the director is Italian; Nic Cage (Coppola) is an Italian-American, but the rest of them actually are Italian-Italians. However, this movie was filmed in English. But the version we found was DUBBED back into Italian. They then translated that dialogue into English, so the subtitles are a terrible translation of  a translation. Italian actors, speaking English, dubbed in Italian, subtitled in English. The upshot of all this is that A) it's hard to follow what the fuck is happening (something about a toothache?), and B) we are forced to hear some lame voice coming out of Nic Cage's beautiful face. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that a Nic Cage movie without that signature Cage-style delivery is no Cage movie at all.


Don't make me watch this movie again, goddammit! 
Lieutenant Silvestri suffers a toothache and decides to reach the nearest camp hospital. En route to the dentist his vehicle has an accident, and stops near a rock. Silvestri continues by walking. On his way, he meets and rapes a young Ethiopian woman. Despite this, he and the Ethiopian fall for each other. While taking refuge in a cave Silvestri shoots at a wild animal, but the bullet ricochets and hits the woman. Silvestri continues to the dentist. Upon reaching the hospital, he reads a medical book, leading him to believe he has leprosy. As he tries to escape from Ethiopia, Silvestri must evade his former comrades and reach his wife in Italy. 


But I am very handsome. 

The guys decided you should just watch this instead: 


Movie quotability:
  • Huge space to fill with our silly greatness.
  • How can lives one person... with a bullet in the abdomen.
  • What did "go"?
  • When I was putting the clock wrist, she looked at me.
  • Why is your sister has a white turban? Because he is sick?
  • I and I is not got.
  • She was sick. [Actual translation: She was not sick]. This would seem more relevant if you had watched the movie, which let's face it... you didn't. 

Plot Holes:

  • Subtitles executed too poorly to know.


CAGEamatic
Cinematic
Skyler
Poor
Dreadful
Shauna
James
3.07/5.00
1.31/5.00
Martine
!Dozed off in the CAGE!

3 comments:

Ride the Snake said...

In the cage since 4/20/12
What the hell was that????

Let’s see:
Cage gets into a car wreck, walks to a weird waterfall, finds a naked Ethiopian girl in the water, rapes her, try’s to give her sardines, drinks a raw egg, finds an alligator, has sex a couple more times, shoots at a hyena, kills the girl, gets drunk, discovers he may have transmitted leprosy from the girl, and then thinks the entire Italian Army is out to get him. This movie reminds me of an old Disney movie… with nudity, rape, and leprosy.

Also, why the hell doesn’t Cage have an Italian accent?

Best line in the movie “Stick no dick in the white turban””

I will never watch that movie again!!

Steve M said...

Time to kill - if you have some watch this movie. Or rather read it and try to make sense of it. By the ending it is evident that the girl was not sick, but you really don't catch onto that when you should thanks to the terrible subtitles.

If only Cage knew how to speak Italian we'd have been treated to the sound of his own voice rather than the dub over the top by a dweeb in tight shorts.

Anonymous said...

can someone tell em where can watch this movie..i need it for an italian class.

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