#19 Bangkok Dangerous


#19 Bangkok Dangerous

Year: 2008
Director: Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang
MPAA Rating:  R 
Epic Co-stars: None
Running Time: 99 mins
Cage Time: ~99%
Cage Kills: 29
Cage Flip-outs: -1 
Skyler's Review: In Bangkok Dangerous, Nicolas Cage plays a cold-hearted gun-for-hire named Joe that has never found love with women. Then while trying to buy a Dr. Pepper, a handsome young man named Kong comes into the convenience store and attempts to rob it at gun point. Joe decides to pull out his sidearm and help the boy rob the store. 
The correct way to view this movie.
Afterword, Joe tries to convince Kong to go clean and give up crime. Kong asks Joe who he is; Joe lies and says he is a ex-cop. He convinces Kong and lets him stay with him in his lakeside cabin "until he can get back on his feet." Joe eventually realizes that he has finally found love, but doesn't know how Kong will react to learning this. All the while, Joe has to keep secret that his late nights are actually because he is a hitman.
Nic Cage's gentle touch is not cold like the unfeeling gunmetal, but both become hot when squeezed.
Kong respects Joe for being a good, honest, and disciplined man. Joe tries to profess his true feelings and things begin to blow up. Kong does not feel reciprocally, and feels tricked. During their fighting Kong confronts Joe about his "late night meetings" and Joe confesses to being an assassin. Kong threatens to call the authorities and is seen running from Joe's house with tears streaming down his face.
Working out in matching shirts is a good way to bond with your lover.
Joe tries to forget, but then finds out that his next contract is to hit Kong as retaliation for a random hold-up against one of the mob's fronts. Joe doesn't know whether to give up his job, go through with the hit, or take his own life...then he thinks of a fourth alternative! The epic conclusion to this movie might be worth watching. 
No one knows fashion like Nic Cage. This watch is over $5000.
Unfortunately, I wrote this review about what might have been an interesting movie. In fact, the actual Bangkok Dangerous is just about an assassin named Joe that wants to complete four more contracts, then retire. It doens't go well, and Nic Cage doesn't freak out. His hair is at its worst and we get no freak outs.

The original Bangkok Dangerous is about a deaf assassin. OOoo! Interesting, he can't hear the bullets firing, that could be a cool story. Why in the remake is Nic Cage not deaf? Because marketing said it would sell better if Nic Cage had some spoken lines. Thanks, marketing. You have the world's greatest actor at your disposal; you could have given him an actual challenge of a role (imagine deaf assassin freak outs) but instead have Cage act as stoic as possible with an uninteresting plot as possible.

They show the close up of Joe's watch three times during the movie to remind you of how much time you are wasting.


Movie quotability:
  • "There's a beer in the refrigerator, it will take down the swelling."
  • "That was your first lesson"
  • "No one knows who I am.  No one knows where I am."

Plot Holes:
  • Nicolas Cage is far too calm!
  • His Thai def girlfriend seems to be able to read lips in english.
  • Nic is in a boat and neck and neck with a motorcycle yet he still has time to dock the boat and run up a hill before stealing it.


CAGEamatic
Cinamatic
Skyler
Dreadful
Poor
Shauna
James
3.11/5
2.21/5
Martine
!Crocheted in the Cage!

4 comments:

Ride the Snake said...

In the cage since 4/20/12
All I can say is wow! This movie was beyond bad.
Movie in a nutshell:
*Bad Haircut
*Bad Story
*Bad Acting
*Bad Haircut
*Girl friend is Deaf
*If the Karate Kid and Gone in 60 Seconds were brother and sister and they decided that it made sense to have a baby together; Bangkok Dangerous would be their handicapped offspring.
*The Best line in the movie was "That was your first lesson" Of course this line is only funny after you have seen the movie
geoff-

Shauna Weaver said...

Nice review, babe. I forgot how crappy this movie was for a minute! Then I remembered and felt sad. However, I thought the conclusion to this movie was very appropriate.

Steve M said...

Thanks to your negative feedback on this movie I had my expectations lowered to the point where I actually enjoyed portions of it. I didn't care for the ending, though it did seem fitting. The alternate ending was nice, but maybe too nice which is why they canned it.

Another plot hole is the political assassination where he's made and has to escape while under fire. This is the same situation he'd be facing if he was successful in making the shot so why didn't he have an exit strategy in place?! Then at the very end of the movie as the car is rolling backwards you see it arcing towards the sandbags then you can see the front wheels get turned straight to make the alignment with the sandbags.

adamm22 said...

First movie in the CAGE and I was not disappointed. I was not disappointed because I really expected this to be one of the worst movies of all time and I have seen worse than this. Nicolas Cage had only two facial expressions the whole movie, stoic and creepy/smiley. I find the fact that this BA assassin can change into an awkward flirty guy around a girl he just met and has never talked to a little plot hole, but I did find other flaws in the film.

First one is when he trains Kong. Kong suddenly becomes a master student not just a "disposable" worker. In the scene where Joe teaches Kong to shoot watermelons just by saying don't pull the trigger squeeze it. At this point I kind of felt a little discouraged that they were doing the montage training where you become a master in a day. But I stuck in there and I am glad I did.

Definitely my favorite scene (even though it was full of over the top BS) was the boat chase. Whats better than watching Nicolas Cage in a high speed boat pursuit? how bout you add in some terrible long hair, an awesome shootout, and possibly the most satisfying end to a chase ever. If you have not seen this movie I would suggest it just for that part. This movie did enough to hold my attention and was better than everyone said it was (IMO).
For a shoot em up style action movie I would give it a 5.5/10. It was full of plot holes and over the top violence but that's what I liked about it.

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