#15 Gone in Sixty Seconds


# 15 Gone in 60 Seconds
Year: 2000
Director: Dominic Sena
MPAA Rating:  R 
Epic Co-stars: Robert Duvall
Running Time: 118 mins
Cage Time: 90%
Cage Kills: 1
Cage Flip-outs: 5
Shauna's Review:
Editor's note: If this post seems short and cranky (and wildly tardy), it's because I am.

Having seen Gone in 60 Seconds in college, shortly after it came out, I had fond memories of it until recently. Recently being the point when I watched it again. On its face, the film seems like an ideal Nic Cage vehicle (ha). Memphis Raines (Cage), a retired, legendary car thief returns to his life of crime in order to save his brother's ass by stealing 50 cars in 72 hours, with the help of various likable villains and also Angelina Jolie. However, the action never really engages; although the pace is moderate, nothing of much interest seems to happen.

I'm still not sure why Cage would give up his obviously fulfilling career as a kids' go-cart manager to save Giovanni Ribisi, who is annoying, or why anyone is afraid of the tiny blonde villain, or how 50 cherry cars could possibly be worth only $200,000, even on the black market. Moreover, these are not questions interesting enough for me to spend much time pondering them.

I did perk up a bit when, during the final car chase, Cage et al race through the LA River, because it reminded me of Terminator 2. No, just kidding. I was thinking about Grease. But mentally replaying upbeat music (auto-related, no less) helped me stay awake during the last ten minutes of the film, so I appreciated it. 

Like Danny Zuko, Memphis eludes his pursuers due to sheer good-heartedness.
Also nitrous.

For those of you who didn't know, Gone in 60 Seconds is based on a 1974 cult classic (i.e. low-budget crapfest) that is revered by many boys who really like cars, I guess. If you're interested, no need to try and find this gem at a Redbox; the whole thing is streaming here. (Even better, so is Cocktail!) Anyway, I couldn't be bothered to watch the whole thing, but I did watch the final chase scene, and what I learned is that there isn't a film existing that couldn't be improved with mustaches. The End.

Thank you for being a part of this movie, Robert Duvall and Will Patton. 
Movie quotability: 1/5
  • "I am a baaaaad man."
  • "That's macho. That's a macho-sounding name."
  • "Two Rogers don't make a right, HAHAHA."
  • "AIIGHT?"
  • "It's just, your knowledge overwhelms me."
  • "For the next 24 hours, all your decision-making abilities have been removed."

Plot Holes:
  • Stupid.


CAGEamatic
Cinematic
Skyler
Acceptable
Poor
Shauna
 
James
1.88/5
1.44.5
Martine
!Fell asleep in the cage!

4 comments:

Ride the Snake said...

Crappy at best
This movie was long, boring, bad script, and no tits

Best part of the movie was when "Memphis Raines" flew a car over the cops barricade at the end. Yes, he FLEW a car.

James Ayers said...

Oh my god, I can't believe this review was actually posted. Best day of my life!

Steve M said...

Your reviews and scores had me very concerned as I also have fond memories of seeing this movie back in 2000 and didn't want to ruin that by watching it again. It is because of this movie that I have been pronouncing Volvo as "Vovo" for the past 12 years. Thank goodness it wasn't ruined for me with this recent viewing. Now I'm not saying it is a great movie or isn't full of plot holes, dumb one liners, annoying characters, and contrived circumstances. What I am saying is that the parts I enjoyed back then are still enjoyable now.

That $200,000 payment was not the value of the cars on the black market, it was the fee for the services rendered for stealing 50 cars. To me the bigger question is why no one stopped to pick up the $10k that got thrown on the floor, I guess it was just pocket change for all of them.

Other holes include getting more laser cut keys from Germany special ordered and delivered in about 6 hours. Someone leaves their house by the front door and opens the garage with a hand held remote. I don't know about you, but I have a door from my house to my garage and all of the remotes are in the cars, I would never walk out the front door to get to my car in the garage. Sticking a screwdriver into a de-energized light bulb socket disables the alarm and unlocks the doors. Any finally, there is a block box, gadget, or gizmo for every exotic car on their list that allows them to easily steal the car. What a crock.

With all of these holes and all of those dumb one liners how can I still find enjoyment in the movie? Well, did you notice the Humvee? That's right, it was a Humvee like the military uses and not a Hummer H2 or any of that other BS. This was back when a Humvee was a rare sight and was not driven by soccer moms. Do you hear them talking like this is a Star Trek movie and saying nonsense like "clutch master cylinder"? Well, that's not nonsense and someone who knows something about cars actually understands what they are saying. At the time this movie came out I had a 1979 Trans Am with a 403 Olds, shaker hood, T tops, four barrel Rochester, and posi-track. Until you've driven a car like that you probably can't relate to the joy of the '67 Shelby. Just talking about this makes me want to go buy a pre 1974 muscle car so I can have fun without worrying about DEQ. Those uptight people at the DEQ used mirrors on my 1979 TA and rejected it because I had no cats.

Low Rider..... Donny, Low Rider please.

James Ayers said...

Great review Steve. All you were missing was over three hours of clips from largely unrelated movies. Which brings me to my next point: Great Review Shauna. After the 3.5 hours it took me to get through that review I still think its some of your best work.

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