#21 It Could Happen to You

#21 It Could Happen to You
Year: 1994
Director: Andrew Bergman
MPAA Rating: PG 
Epic Co-stars: Rosie Perez, Stanley Tucci
Running Time: 101 mins
Cage Time: 95%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 2
Shauna's Review: 
It's no wonder that this movie is rated PG, because the story was clearly intended to appeal to the 12-and-under crowd. The plot has all the complex facets and unpredictable plot twists of a Disney  channel made-for-TV movie. Charlie Lang (Nic Cage) is an utterly wholesome and self-righteous cop who lives in Queens. He is so staunchly, boringly good that you could almost start to sympathize with his wholly greedy wife, Muriel, were she not played by the singularly irritating Rosie Perez, who has a voice like the Hispanic love child of Fran Drescher and Steve Urkel. She is as flatly selfish as he is unselfish, and it's apparent from the beginning that we are supposed to be hoping that Prince Charlie will find a way out of his marriage to the Evil Queen. 

I am SO GOOD at Photoshop. 
Luckily, we spot Cinderella (the ponderously named Yvonne Biasi, played by Bridget Fonda) almost immediately. Poor Cinderella is broke as a result of her marriage to a terrible villain, er, actor, and is adorably cranky when she meets Prince Charlie in the coffee shop where she works. Prince Charlie is disproportionately distraught not to have enough cash for a tip on two cups of coffee, and offers Cinderella half of his hypothetical lottery winnings from tonight's Powerball. Spoiler! He wins $4 million and is staunchly determined to keep his promise, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that it will obviously ruin his marriage. Anyway, the rest of it's pretty straightforward-- the villains act greedily and selfishly, the heroes act honorably and unselfishly, movie justice prevails, etc. 

The primary problem with this movie is that Cage was cast as the hero, rather than the villain. Rosie Perez is in a near-constant state of hysteria, which I think is really Cage's area of expertise. To see him in a boring haircut, with a sub-normal amount of rage and virtually no violent tendencies is really a waste of his talent. I can imagine a movie where Bridget Fonda plays the sweet, emotionally battered wife to Cage's volatile, almost frighteningly greedy and selfish bastard of a husband. They win the lottery and she wants to give the money away, he stalks her around Queens like Death in Final Destination. Hilarity ensues! Now THAT's a rom-com I could get behind. 

Or Nic Cage AS Rosie Perez-- that would also make an excellent film. 
If you liked Moonstruck, but wished that it were a bit more predictable, you might like this movie. If you are twelve and a girl, you might like this movie. If you are able to discuss what Bridget Fonda's nipples may or may not look like for approximately an hour and a half, you may stay awake during this movie. Otherwise....

Seriously, what is up with those boobies?
Movie quotability: 0/5
  • "The veins, they're bulging out of your neck.... You look like a psycho."
  • "Decaf, please. I've reached my target heart rate for the day."
Plot Holes:
  • Mad scientist works at a crappy diner. 
  • Rosie Perez flips out instead of Nic Cage. Many, many times.
  • Too many white people live in Queens.
  • Nic Cage: "Is anybody here?" while Bridget Fonda is sitting in a booth 6 feet away.

!Fell asleep in the Cage!


Skyler Weaver said...

I completely agree that Dr. Cage should have been the villain and flipping out all the time. They say that making a good movie is 50% casting. Nic Cage as Death would also make a great movie.

"You're having bad luck, but not me; I'm having good luck. Sorry!"

Steve M said...

My wife must be 12 because I got about 30 minutes in before being busted in the act and had to relocate to the living room so we could watch it together. She called it a chic flic, but I guess it depends on the chic. Well, I best wrap this up as I've already given this movie as much time as it deserves.

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