#19 Bangkok Dangerous

#19 Bangkok Dangerous

Year: 2008

Director: Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang

MPAA Rating:  R 

Epic Co-stars: None

Running Time: 99 mins
Cage Time: ~99%
Cage Kills: 29
Cage Flip-outs: -1 

Skyler's Review: In Bangkok Dangerous, Nicolas Cage plays a cold-hearted gun-for-hire named Joe that has never found love with women. Then while trying to buy a Dr. Pepper, a handsome young man named Kong comes into the convenience store and attempts to rob it at gun point. Joe decides to pull out his sidearm and help the boy rob the store. 

The correct way to view this movie.

Afterword, Joe tries to convince Kong to go clean and give up crime. Kong asks Joe who he is; Joe lies and says he is a ex-cop. He convinces Kong and lets him stay with him in his lakeside cabin "until he can get back on his feet." Joe eventually realizes that he has finally found love, but doesn't know how Kong will react to learning this. All the while, Joe has to keep secret that his late nights are actually because he is a hitman.

Nic Cage's gentle touch is not cold like the unfeeling gunmetal, but both become hot when squeezed.

Kong respects Joe for being a good, honest, and disciplined man. Joe tries to profess his true feelings and things begin to blow up. Kong does not feel reciprocally, and feels tricked. During their fighting Kong confronts Joe about his "late night meetings" and Joe confesses to being an assassin. Kong threatens to call the authorities and is seen running from Joe's house with tears streaming down his face.

Working out in matching shirts is a good way to bond with your lover.

Joe tries to forget, but then finds out that his next contract is to hit Kong as retaliation for a random hold-up against one of the mob's fronts. Joe doesn't know whether to give up his job, go through with the hit, or take his own life...then he thinks of a fourth alternative! The epic conclusion to this movie might be worth watching. 

No one knows fashion like Nic Cage. This watch is over $5000.

Unfortunately, I wrote this review about what might have been an interesting movie. In fact, the actual Bangkok Dangerous is just about an assassin named Joe that wants to complete four more contracts, then retire. It doens't go well, and Nic Cage doesn't freak out. His hair is at its worst and we get no freak outs.

The original Bangkok Dangerous is about a deaf assassin. OOoo! Interesting, he can't hear the bullets firing, that could be a cool story. Why in the remake is Nic Cage not deaf? Because marketing said it would sell better if Nic Cage had some spoken lines. Thanks, marketing. You have the world's greatest actor at your disposal; you could have given him an actual challenge of a role (imagine deaf assassin freak outs) but instead have Cage act as stoic as possible with an uninteresting plot as possible.

They show the close up of Joe's watch three times during the movie to remind you of how much time you are wasting.

Movie quotability:

• "There's a beer in the refrigerator, it will take down the swelling."
• "That was your first lesson"
• "No one knows who I am.  No one knows where I am."

Plot Holes:

• Nicolas Cage is far too calm!
• His Thai def girlfriend seems to be able to read lips in english.
• Nic is in a boat and neck and neck with a motorcycle yet he still has time to dock the boat and run up a hill before stealing it.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Dreadful	Poor
Shauna
James	3.11/5	2.21/5
Martine	!Crocheted in the Cage!