Nicolas Cage in Japanese Pachinko Commercials

This just shows that Dr. Cage's Nouveau Shamanic is not just limited to Oscar nominated full-length feature films. He can pull off excellence in a 30 second short medium as well.

These Nicolas Cage Pachinko ads are the proof.

#20 Honeymoon in Vegas

#20 Honeymoon in Vegas

Year: 1992

Director: Andrew Bergman

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: Burton Gilliam, James Caan, Sarah Jessica Parker

Running Time: 96 mins
Cage Time: ~80%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

James' Review: Honeymoon in Vegas is another great example of where Nic Cage has proven that he can do comedy and pull it off pretty well despite the movie not being very funny.  It proves that Nic Cage is basically an insurance policy for movies that are in that dark grey area between "meh" and "blah".  Buy the insurance and sleep well at night knowing that your mediocre script / production will actually turn out to be pretty entertaining thanks to the magic man known as Dr. Cage.


Nic Cage plays Jack Singer who is a nice guy and seems to be a decent boyfriend to his girlfriend Betsy (Sarah Jessica Parker).  Betsy is getting a bit antsy about the marriage thing and finally Jack agrees to marry her in Vegas after fearing that she may dump him.  After a quick flight to Vegas and some stalling Jack finds himself at a poker table with Tommy Korman (James Caan) and several of his cronies.  A hop skip and a jump later Korman has swindled Singer out of more cash than he makes in a year and Korman ends up with his sweet little bride-to-be.  This mediocre script has served softball pitch to the doctor and he proceeds to knock it out of the park.


In Honeymoon in Vegas Cage gives a world class performance as does James Caan.  As Tommy Korman, James Caan plays a perfect slimy bastard who will stop and nothing of execute his wife stealing plan.  In doing this he also becomes a pretty great villain who a lot of fun to hate while watching.  As he drags Singer along on this "crazy adventure", Cage has more than enough chances to have many memorable and entertaining flip-outs.

Just when you think you've seen it all Dr. Cage pulls out some  fresh facial expressions and COMPLETELY BLOWS YOUR MIND.

A few additional enhancements that deserve mention are as follows:

• Being shot in 1992 everyone is wearing pleated pants, which I find highly enjoyable.
• In 1992 Sara Jessica Parker was pretty damn hot.  I did not remember this.  Unfortunately since then things haven't gone well for her (see picture below).
• 8-ball jacket.  Enough said.

Nicolas Cage has aged better over the years than his co-star.  The picture above shows a picture of the two actors in 1992 (left) and then again in 2011 (right).

Overall this movie is really worth seeing for Nic Cage and James Caan (and even SJP).  It takes Cage on a wacky adventure and gives you the chance to see him flip out in a multitude of different situations spanning different states and various modes of transportation.  Cage is funny when he needs to be, crazy when he needs to be, and all around wonderful through the entire thing.  It may not completely blow your mind (despite the range of facial expressions), but it will satisfy your Cage hunger while also surprising you with how much you actually liked it (because you know you think it's going to suck). 

Movie quotability:

• "I wanna get you into that room, tear that bedspread off and... YOU-HOO! CAN I GET A ROOM?"
• "It's not guts, it's realism."
• "HEY! I KNOW THAT NOWWWW"  aarrrhhh...
• "Then What!?  I'll get arrested?  Put in airport jail?!!!"
• "My father left us when I was about 5.  That's why my name is Jack.  As in "Jack, go tell your mother that I'm just going out to get the paper.""
• "That just doesn't help me at all, but thanks."

Plot Holes:

• "This film has been formatted to fit your TV screen."
• The King left the poker game and then was in again in the next scene.
• A couple randomly wandering ends up having an argument ringside at a boxing match.
• Betsy looks up the odds to loosing with a straight flush an hour or two after it happens.  In 1992.  Before wikipedia could even be fathomed by anybody.
• Nic Cage runs from the strip to Fremont St. in seconds.
• Mr. Korman wants to marry Betsy rather than just bang her.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Exceeds Expectations	Acceptable
Shauna
James	4.12/5	2.89/5
Martine	!Completed Ada's Owl Hat in the Cage!

#19 Bangkok Dangerous

#19 Bangkok Dangerous

Year: 2008

Director: Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang

MPAA Rating:  R 

Epic Co-stars: None

Running Time: 99 mins
Cage Time: ~99%
Cage Kills: 29
Cage Flip-outs: -1 

Skyler's Review: In Bangkok Dangerous, Nicolas Cage plays a cold-hearted gun-for-hire named Joe that has never found love with women. Then while trying to buy a Dr. Pepper, a handsome young man named Kong comes into the convenience store and attempts to rob it at gun point. Joe decides to pull out his sidearm and help the boy rob the store. 

The correct way to view this movie.

Afterword, Joe tries to convince Kong to go clean and give up crime. Kong asks Joe who he is; Joe lies and says he is a ex-cop. He convinces Kong and lets him stay with him in his lakeside cabin "until he can get back on his feet." Joe eventually realizes that he has finally found love, but doesn't know how Kong will react to learning this. All the while, Joe has to keep secret that his late nights are actually because he is a hitman.

Nic Cage's gentle touch is not cold like the unfeeling gunmetal, but both become hot when squeezed.

Kong respects Joe for being a good, honest, and disciplined man. Joe tries to profess his true feelings and things begin to blow up. Kong does not feel reciprocally, and feels tricked. During their fighting Kong confronts Joe about his "late night meetings" and Joe confesses to being an assassin. Kong threatens to call the authorities and is seen running from Joe's house with tears streaming down his face.

Working out in matching shirts is a good way to bond with your lover.

Joe tries to forget, but then finds out that his next contract is to hit Kong as retaliation for a random hold-up against one of the mob's fronts. Joe doesn't know whether to give up his job, go through with the hit, or take his own life...then he thinks of a fourth alternative! The epic conclusion to this movie might be worth watching. 

No one knows fashion like Nic Cage. This watch is over $5000.

Unfortunately, I wrote this review about what might have been an interesting movie. In fact, the actual Bangkok Dangerous is just about an assassin named Joe that wants to complete four more contracts, then retire. It doens't go well, and Nic Cage doesn't freak out. His hair is at its worst and we get no freak outs.

The original Bangkok Dangerous is about a deaf assassin. OOoo! Interesting, he can't hear the bullets firing, that could be a cool story. Why in the remake is Nic Cage not deaf? Because marketing said it would sell better if Nic Cage had some spoken lines. Thanks, marketing. You have the world's greatest actor at your disposal; you could have given him an actual challenge of a role (imagine deaf assassin freak outs) but instead have Cage act as stoic as possible with an uninteresting plot as possible.

They show the close up of Joe's watch three times during the movie to remind you of how much time you are wasting.

Movie quotability:

• "There's a beer in the refrigerator, it will take down the swelling."
• "That was your first lesson"
• "No one knows who I am.  No one knows where I am."

Plot Holes:

• Nicolas Cage is far too calm!
• His Thai def girlfriend seems to be able to read lips in english.
• Nic is in a boat and neck and neck with a motorcycle yet he still has time to dock the boat and run up a hill before stealing it.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Dreadful	Poor
Shauna
James	3.11/5	2.21/5
Martine	!Crocheted in the Cage!

#18 Kick-Ass

#18 Kick-Ass

Year: 2010

Director: Matthew Vaughn

MPAA Rating:  R 

Epic Co-stars: McLovin'

Running Time: 117 min.
Cage Time: ~50%
Cage Kills: 7
Cage Flip-outs: 3

Fielding's Review:  
(We are proud to introduce our first guest reviewer on ayearinthecage.  We have been contacted by several Cage superfans who are also spending a year in the cage and have agreed to let them un-cage their passion in the form of a guest review.  
Fielding Winsteford is a very passionate fan bringing his words all the way from the city of Boston where he is currently an author for the New Yorker magazine.  He claims to have always been a Nicolas Cage fan, but his love for the Cage really took hold when taking a film class while working on his Masters of Literature at Yale.)


I watched this movie recently and it was really good.  Nic Cage sort of looked like a nerdy douche when the movie opened, but it quickly became apparent that he was totally bad ass.  His daughter is some sort of killing prodigy that can kill anyone she wants even though she is only like 9.  This is proof that Nic Cage is totally bad ass because he is probably the one who taught her.


The movie follows the life of Dave Lizewski who is played by Aaron Johnson.  Dave is a total comic book dork who can't seem to find any good reason why normal comic book dorks can't also be real life comic book super heroes.  He buys a wet suit online.  Then he puts the wet suit on.  Then he gets excited about how "kick-ass" he looks.  Then he goes outside and gets the shit kicked out of him.  Luckily for our hero, some hot chicks come into the picture and he decides to keep fighting.  Even luckier for our hero, Nicolas Cage and his daughter also enter the picture and are super bad ass at fighting.  Enter nerdy rival super villian who has some totally cool gear and you've got good movie entertainment material.

Sure he may have stolen Batman's costume a little bit, but at least he takes joy in murdering people with knives.

Kickass isn't a standout movie just due to Nicolas Cage.  The Nouveau Shamanic style is kept under wraps here mostly because the movie doesn't need it.  Overall Kickass is great due to a good story and big amount of violence and gore.  Sure, a little bit of sexual fantasy involving a big boobed english teacher and a little bit of the boning of hot chicks is in there.  But what really gets things going good are the gangs beating a man brutally and a man being cuffed to the steering wheel inside a car, which is crushed along with him in it in and car compactor.  Blood splatters on the windshield.  And that is just a tasty sample of what you get to see in this film.

Scanning from top to bottom in my opinion you got boring hair, lame dorky glasses, and probably the best mustache I've ever seen on a human.  If I could grow a mustache like that then I could kiss all my "pussy problems" goodbye.

I will end my guest review by commenting on Nicolas Cage's appearance in the movie.  His hair kind of blows because it is boring and just sits there and doesn't look like really anything that good.  This isn't a major problem because he wears glasses and that mostly makes you notice them and not his hair.  A lot of other times he has a mask.  He does have a totally dope mustache that makes him look pretty manly.  I couldn't tell if it was fake or not.  I hope it wasn't fake because I think he looks really cool with it and he should grow it back to look just like that in real life except for bushier.  

Movie quotability:

• (shoots daughter) "Now you know how it feels, so you won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a Glock." 
• "Good call, baby doll."
• "Good at getting his ass, kicked.  They should call him Ass Kicked instead."

Plot Holes:

• None

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Acceptable	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	3.74/5	4.11/5
Martine	!Loved being in the cage!

#17 The Wicker Man

#17 The Wicker Man

Year: 2006

Director: Neil LaBute

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: 

Running Time: 102 mins.
Cage Time: 98%
Cage Kills: 0
Cage Flip-outs: 6

Skyler's Review: To be completely honest, I was not really looking forward to watching The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage. I mean, I was and I wasn't. Like any other person that claims to know anything at all about Nic Cage, I've seen the highlights reel to the Wicker Man. If this is your first time investigating Cage's work here is the video: (FYI, spoilers!)

So I knew that there would be at least 2:08 of over-the-top-dramatic thriller in store for me, but from what I had read in the YouTube comments I was worried about the other 1:43:52. Everyone was saying that the first 90 minutes drags on; and makes the last bit of the movie not even worth it. I wholeheartedly disagree. Maybe I'm in the 27% of people on rottentomatoes.com that actually liked it, but 75% of our group really liked it. 100% of us were engaged the entire movie.

Not the bees!

So here is the plot: an over-righteous, arrogant, Jimmy Stewarty police detective (Cage) ends up investigating the kidnapping, or possible murder, of a little girl in a isolated island community. There seems to be only women on this island, so having this masculine man in a suit on the island snooping around like he owns the place makes you feel awkward; Cage's character can't seem to read their culture and behave appropriately. (It is this "I'm a man, I do/say what I want" kind of attitude that kept us entertained during the film) As the detective is investigating, and interfering with all of the island's daily affairs, it becomes apparent that there may be some kind of cover-up going on and that the child was sacrificed in some sort of ancient druid ritual. Every time he uncovers another clue, the community becomes even less forthcoming, and they try to scare him into leaving them alone; this all leads to an exciting conclusion.

"What's in the bag, a shark or something?"

Overall, we felt that this movie has been highly underrated. If you like Nicolas Cage, you will like this film. We have been quoting to each other nonstop since viewing. You must go into the movie knowing that it is intentionally overly dramatic and over-the-top to the point of comedy. But then again, that is the mindset you evoke when entering any Nicolas Cage masterpiece. Nicolas Cage, well done sir, bravo!

Movie quotability:

• "What's in the bag, a shark or something?"
• "I'm a policeman, see my badge?"
• "You little liars." (to a room full of children)
• "Perhaps it is time for you to stop bullshitting me, okay?"
• "How'd it get burned!?  How'd it get burned?  How'd it get burned!? How'd it get burned!?"
• "You have my permission to stay out of my fucking way!"
• "Killing me won't bring back your god-damned honey!!"
• "What is it?  What is it?  Ohhhh Nooo, not the bees!!"

Plot Holes:

• Man refuses to fly Malus to the secret island based on principle but gives in for a measly 100 bucks.
• Malus thinks someone may be trapped in the canvas bag that is dripping blood. They tell him to look in the bag and he flinches; decides to not look.
• Supposedly Malus is a great detective but he doesn't connect the many, many hints that the kid is his.
• Flashlight works perfectly underwater.
• Mr. Malus desperately tries to wake up an obviously decomposing body.
• Strange ritual conveniently has one full body bear costume that allows Nic Cage to infiltrate.
• With two broken femers, Nic Cage still respons coherently to each new bizarre event.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Outstanding	Exceeds Expectations
Shauna
James	4.95/5	4.99/5
Martine	!Pissed that she stayed in the Cage!

#16 Raising Arizona

#16 Raising Arizona

Year: 1987

Director: Coen Brothers

MPAA Rating:  PG-13 

Epic Co-stars: Holly Hunter, John Goodman

Running Time: 94 mins
Cage Time: ~95%
Cage Kills/Deaths: 1/0
Cage Flip-outs: 2

Skyler's Review: There are two completely different ways of looking at this film, so I'm going to review it both ways. 

Deep version:
The theme of this movie is "second chances." H.I. (played by Nicolas Cage) is a man that is in a bit of a situation. He has cried wolf so many times by breaking the law on petty crimes, that he now has a reputation as being a career criminal. Never mind that he would never hold up a store with live ammo (holdups were the only way of life he knew), if you are booked into jail enough times, society doesn't give you much benefit of the doubt anymore.

As we have blogged before, educators were so inspired by Nic's portrayal of child rearing that he made the cover of a Serbian textbook.

When H.I. decides to go straight for the lovely Holly Hunter (a police officer), it seems as if maybe he has been given a second chance. They can't conceive, so she asks H.I. to steal a baby. Of course he will do it, he is a criminal, right? H.I. has reservations, but he becomes a kidnapper anyway.

Enter a ominous biker bounty hunter. The bounty hunter represents H.I.'s past which is haunting him: they couldn't adopt because of his dark past. So what do you do when your past is haunting you? You can fight it and try to come out the victor with freedom and new-found trust as your prize. Or you can accept your fate and retreat back into your demons; imprisoned by fear and past carelessness.

Nic's face says more about the realities of child rearing in this frame than the entirety of the textbook. (Why they didn't use this picture instead is beyond my understanding.)

Shallow version:
How much nudity was in this movie? None. A woman is jumping on a man with passion when he enters home. Both are fully dressed. Later, H.I. is cleaning up his room at home to set a good example for the baby, but he finds a risque magazine and hides it. There is no nudity on it but I think it may show a woman in her underwear. H.I.'s boss tries to encourage him to participate in a wife swap, but this never materializes.

Nic Cage has a funny mustache on the whole time, and his hair is really messed up. That's funny stuff. A bunny is exploded (it does not go into a box). There are car chases; cigar smoking takes place a few times.

Nicolas Cage felt squashed by the Coen brothers for not letting him portray the role the way he wanted. It was like taking his mustachio'd ideas, throwing them on the floor, and jumping on them.

There are some funny jokes and some good slapstick stuff here and there. I just wish that Nic Cage got to really portray his character the way that he wanted to. Cage is an artist, but the Coen Brothers pulled rank and clipped the man's wings (not his hair). That is why Cage went on record saying "Joel and Ethan have a very strong vision and I've learned how difficult it is to accept another artist's vision. They have an autocratic nature." Next time, Nic, don't accept another artist's vision: inject your own. The movie was pretty good, but I can only imagine how many more flip outs could have been tied into this movie.

Movie quotability:

• "He don't know a cuss word from Shinola."
• "This here's the TV.  Only 2 hours a day... of course educational or football so he doesn't loose appreciation for the finer things."
• "What are you kiddin'?  We got us a family here!"
• "I don't know they were jammies, they had Yoda's and shit on 'um!"
• "You're young and you have your health. What do you need with a job?"

Plot Holes:

• Yeah right, this plot puts holes in you!
• The scene where he has dinner with his boss is a little too similar to the scene in Vacation when the Griswolds stop to visit uncle eddie.

	CAGEamatic	Cinamatic
Skyler	Poor	Acceptable
Shauna
James	4.87/5	4.78/5
Martine	!Stayed in the Cage!